Practice Leads to Worry and Guilt

[DreamyDave]

I have been dabbling with the practice on and off for some years. I am still a novice as I have not completed a course. I am working through a few books by Pema Chodron (I would recommend them) as they allow a 'freestyle' approach.

Anyway, I have always been a worrier. There are things which I had buried which have arisen during practice. One of these is things which could go wrong. Because of my worrying nature, burying has been the mechanism I have used to cope. It is as though I feel that, unless I can feel certain that bad outcomes won't happen, I withdraw into myself and feel that nothing is worthwhile doing. There is also an OCD element in that I have to 'feel' right after I hae thought things through.

Also, the practice has uncovered things I have done of which I am ashamed. I am thinking of things I have said and done when in relationships which, looking back, were horrible. At the time I was young and very insecure but my jealousy cannot excuse these things.

Has anyone got any reading suggestions on coping with these situations in a mindful way?

[JonW]

Hi Dave.
Worrying is certainly something I can relate to, as I used to spend a great deal of time and energy on it.
Mindfulness has helped enormously in terms of teaching me how to relate to my thoughts in an entirely different way. Worries still arise but they're a lot less "sticky" than they used to be. They come and they go. I don't get attached to them like I used to do.
But (and please don't take this as a criticism), mindfulness is not a practice that can be dabbled in. It requires whole-hearted commitment and the formal practice needs to be regular - in my opinion, I don't pretend to be an expert.
My suggestion would be to sign up for a course, if one happens to be available in your area. If not, maybe look into some options for online courses (like Breathworks). Or purchase Mark Williams & Danny Penman's Mindfulness: Finding Peace In A Frantic World, which will take you through the 8-week course. The book (paper version, not Kindle) comes with a CD of excellent guided meditations.
Also, stick around on this forum. We're a friendly bunch and will always do our best to help out with any queries.
Wishing you all good things,
Jon, Hove

[piedwagtail91]

what john says really.
i'd add the mindful way workbook as one to look at, that has a cd as well.
here's another link to courses http://bemindful.co.uk/learn/find-a-course/1/?postcode=bb5%203hz&x=-724&y=-201&course_type&price&start_date
and they do an online one as well, though i feel sitting in a class is a better option if you can make it.
mindfulness may not make you feel 'right' after a practice.
mindfulness, with practice, will enable you to be with those thoughts and feelings without 'burying 'them or pushing them away,
it's not the easiest thing to do at first but with practice it does help.
thats where contact with a teacher in a session can help.
as jon says , stay in touch with the forum.
mick

[DreamyDave]

Thanks fellas. I agree, Mindfulness is not something to be dabbled into, or used as a 'tool' to alleviate particular difficulties. I have found that I have tended to become dispondent with the discipline because I have not found anything which resonates, around the issues I have.

I have the titles suggested, apart from the new workbook, and I do like them and will return to them but feel that they don't address the issues I struggle with.

Be interested in the new workbook as an addition, though. I found The Mindful Way Through Depression an excellent and thorough book but did struggle with it when I first tackled it as a beginner.

Thanks again.

[Gareth]

I think every single one of us has done things that we are ashamed of. But the fact is that we can't change them, no matter how much we think about them. Mindfulness helps me to stop replaying these past events over and over; I know that it's doing me no good.

I can't add a great deal to what Jon and Mick have. I am a firm believer too that this has to be a very regular practice. If I haven't meditated for a couple of days, then I really do know about it.

[Ceruleanblue312]

Visualise yourself as a child. Imagine your younger self stands before you and explains their feelings of guilt and shame. What do you think you would say to that child? You would most likely not make them feel more shameful but explain that no human being is perfect and we all make mistakes. You would tell them that the past is not what is important, that it is the present that matters. Imagine hugging that child and telling they are forgiven, to let go if their guilt and shame as it serves no one any purpose. I imagine you would be much kinder to that child than you are to yourself but don't forget, that child is you!

[Steve]

I agree, that is very nicely expressed.

Steve

[larorra]

beautifully put. I will try it sometime with loving/kindness to myself!

[rara]

I have been dabbling with the practice on and off for some years. I am still a novice as I have not completed a course. I am working through a few books by Pema Chodron (I would recommend them) as they allow a 'freestyle' approach.

Anyway, I have always been a worrier. There are things which I had buried which have arisen during practice. One of these is things which could go wrong. Because of my worrying nature, burying has been the mechanism I have used to cope. It is as though I feel that, unless I can feel certain that bad outcomes won't happen, I withdraw into myself and feel that nothing is worthwhile doing. There is also an OCD element in that I have to 'feel' right after I hae thought things through.

Also, the practice has uncovered things I have done of which I am ashamed. I am thinking of things I have said and done when in relationships which, looking back, were horrible. At the time I was young and very insecure but my jealousy cannot excuse these things.

Has anyone got any reading suggestions on coping with these situations in a mindful way?

I have no reading suggestions but some advice. You cannot change the past but you can shape the future. You have spotted what you see as a flaw...so why not change this from today?

Should people bring up your past to you, you can always say "I'm sorry about all that, but I'm doing what I can to change that now"

[rara]

I think every single one of us has done things that we are ashamed of. But the fact is that we can't change them, no matter how much we think about them. Mindfulness helps me to stop replaying these past events over and over; I know that it's doing me no good.

I can't add a great deal to what Jon and Mick have. I am a firm believer too that this has to be a very regular practice. If I haven't meditated for a couple of days, then I really do know about it.

Amen.