Resistance and acceptance

[piedwagtail91]

Sarah just beat me to it! I was going to suggest something like a working with difficulty sitting practice. Choose a moderate difficulty to start, don't choose a major life event, use something that won't overwhelm you. Use a longer 20 minute practice if you can. If you don't have one that long this is a link to our session downloads http://1drv.ms/1gfmLGi
feel free to look around the folders.
Another book would be " happiness" by Matthieu Ricard.
it has some Buddhist references but it's not religious in any way.
If you want a more compassionate meditation have a look at Kristin Neffs soften soothe allow mediation. http://www.self-compassion.org/soften,soothe,allow.MP3
Mick

[BioSattva]

I sit twice a day, morning and evening for 15-20 minutes. Do you think I should step it up to 45 mins? I have only done the eight-week course through a book, so am mainly self-taught.

As others have said above, having a proper human flesh teacher - especially if you are feeling overly stressed - is incredibly useful. I haven't had an MBSR teacher, but I've had Zen teachers who informed the MBSR teachers. It makes a world of difference to learn as part of a group and from an 'expert's practice, in my experience and from what other experienced people have said. I think this is one of the most often mentioned aspects of the practice on this forum.

Regarding the length of practice, the daily habit tends to be emphasised over the length, and quality of attention is more important than time on a cushion, but longer stints do seem to give more opportunity for deeper insights and when establishing a habit can yield more tangible benefits that one's mind and body will get a natural appetite for - something important, because then one will look forward to formal seated meditation as opposed to seeing it as a daunting chore. I'm not sure if that's how you see it now, but it's something to consider if or when practice wanes.

sometimes when I was meditating I was actually just focusing on being calm rather than what my true inner experience was

This is an interesting point - it can be difficult to trust that our bodies want to be peaceful and calm and that when we accept what is already here, then there is a chance for true/deeper peace and equanimity to appear. One cannot smooth out the ripples on the surface of water by using one's hands - one just causes more ripples. When we hand control over to our 'true nature', so to speak - nature itself - without trying to control proceedings, we find that our biology seeks peaceful joy all on it's own.

[JonW]

"I wish there was a mindfulness meetup group in my area, but I can't find one, it would be great to meet up with like-minded souls."
Why not take a leaf out of my book and start your own meet-up group, Lucy?
http://www.meetup.com
Very easy to set up and very cheap to run.
All best,
Jon

[Loobyloo]

I think for me I realised that I was sometimes using my periods of formal practice with a planned outcome of feeling calm, if that makes sense…. it helped me realise that sometimes when I was meditating I was actually just focusing on being calm rather than what my true inner experience was.

Exactly Sarah, you hit the nail on the head - and thank you so much for responding and relating. I think first time around when I started sitting, I didn't have any expectations of it - I had tried everything else, so this mindfulness 'thing' was a last ditch effort and I just decided to do it every day without expecting a positive outcome. And I was therefore accepting my situation as it was. Whereas lately I haven't been accepting at all, I have been sitting in the hope of making the bad feelings go away, instead of observing my experience just as it is.

Mick - many thanks for the recommendations, I recently came across a mention of "happiness" by Matthieu Ricard, so will put that on the list. And I looked up Kristin Neff last night and did the 'soften soothe allow' meditation - just lovely, thank you.

...as opposed to seeing it as a daunting chore. I'm not sure if that's how you see it now, but it's something to consider if or when practice wanes.

Erm yes..it has become something I 'have' to do, rather than something I look forward to - good reminder, thanks.

it can be difficult to trust that our bodies want to be peaceful and calm and that when we accept what is already here, then there is a chance for true/deeper peace and equanimity to appear. One cannot smooth out the ripples on the surface of water by using one's hands - one just causes more ripples. When we hand control over to our 'true nature', so to speak - nature itself - without trying to control proceedings, we find that our biology seeks peaceful joy all on it's own.

I absolutely LOVED this, it really hit a chord with me. One to write down and keep - thank you!

Why not take a leaf out of my book and start your own meet-up group, Lucy?

I would but I'm not sure I want to lead a group at this point. But something to keep in mind - thanks.

You have all been so kind and thoughtful.

Lucy

[rara]

I began mindfulness meditation over two years ago when I was going through a really dark place in my life. The worst aspect of this time was waking every morning with dread and anxiety in my stomach. Absolutely nothing I tried helped pull me out of this place until I began following the 8-week course in 'Finding Peace in a Frantic World', it was truly life-changing. Life started becoming easier, happier, more peaceful and the dreaded mornings dissipated. Life opened up again and became full of hope and possibility. I have continued my practice ever since, and whenever I've gone through a difficult patch, I have had faith that meditation will aid me through the other side of it, which it always has.

At the end of last year I quit my soul-destroying job and went to Australia over Christmas, before coming back to launch my freelance career. Although I still know I made the right decision, I am struggling to adjust and am being plagued with insecurity and negative thinking, and those horrid mornings have returned. I have now started dreading the mornings again and seem to have got myself into a cycle.

I know that 'what you resists persists' and all that, so can't help feeling I am doing this to myself. I am continuing to meditate every day, and in fact have stepped it up in the hope it will help me through this phase, but I am losing faith. I know that I am desiring an outcome which is counter to what mindfulness is all about! Help!

Thanks,
Lucy

I too have delved into dramatic changes of lifestyles. your feelings are completely normal - I still get them. I have to remind myself constantly that it's this or back to my previous sucky lifestyle. That usually does the trick.

I would take freedom of what I wanted to do over being a slave for more money any day. Even when I was not able to afford much food, I was still content. You must learn to be accepting of what and where you are - no resistance needed!

However, if you're a fish out of water right now, you need to be honest with yourself and answer to yourself truly: what is it that I really am?