JOT Week 5 - See the Good in Yourself

[Metaphysical Me]

Interesting topic... It kind of reminds me of week 1's task "be for yourself", but I guess there's a different slant to this week's task.

Looking forward to reading your posts...

[Metaphysical Me]

Hmm, so just like with Week 1's task, I'm finding that this week's task doesn't particularly strike an inner chord with me...

As I've written before, I don't want to do "positivity exercises", so I guess I'm not trying to cheerfully "see as much good in myself as possible".

Rather, I'm hoping to observe and be aware of whether and how I do / don't "see the good in myself" and to observe which changes I think might be useful in that respect...

So, I'm not really sure what my starting point is for this week, though... Do I see the good in myself? Do I do it (often) enough? When do I notice the good in myself? In which situations do I forget to see the good in myself? I'm really not sure...

I have a note saying "Yes, but..." hanging on my bathroom wall, to remind me of a cool exercise I came across a few years ago - whenever someone else (or you yourself) criticises you for something, you're meant to have an immediate "reflex" of "Yes, but..." and to contrast the criticism with one of your good qualities (preferably something vaguely related to the theme of the criticism).

(While you could argue that in some situations it's "important" to *just* accept criticism without a "but" attitude... I'm not sure. I think keeping in mind that you *DO* have good aspects is pretty much always helpful - even in facing the most faulty and frail parts of you...)

So other than that little exercise... what else...?

I know that I do often *forget* to see the good in myself. And I also know that I am quite badly tuned into the whole thing of "praise" and "critcism". (Or praise and blame, I think Jack Kornfield calls it?)

I KNOW I don't make myself enough immune to that. I don't treat it like sunshine and rainy weather - just knowing that those 2 factors (praise and criticism/ blame) are external and will continue to take turns for as long as I live.

I buy in to the whole concept of "praise means I'm great" and "criticism / blame means I'm crap" FAR, FAR too much.

And I know that I would have much more equanimity as regards criticism, if I were prepared to give up/ face my addiction to praise.
But I don't know if I feel able to do that!

Maybe that's how I will approach this week's exercise - a) see how I deal with criticism - and trying to remember to do my "Yes, but..." exercise and b) observing how I deal with praise and trying to buy into that less, trying to approach praise with greater equanimity, trying to know that praise's flip-side is criticism, and that buying into one means you're forced to buy into the other one too....

[FeeHutch]

I am not sure whether to focus on the same quality each day or pick a different one each day.
I really agree with the point in the book about doing 20 things and focusing on the 1 thing I didn't do as well rather than the 19 I did. Since being retired and having to spend so much time home alone I do have a tendency to beat myself up about what I'm not able to do than all the things I am.

To me this doesn't feel like looking for things to be positive about, rather noticing and paying attention to the things that are already there. That is my mindful slant on this week

[Steve]

This does seem to be aimed at becoming more aware of your better qualities. I sometimes find it hard to capture them in words (other than just the more common ones (honest, kind, etc)).

I'm going to choose one and then be aware of when I show that quality and when I don't (which might make me review my actions in the latter situation). Depending how I get on, I may move onto another quality after a day or two (assuming I can think of at least 2 good qualities!).

I think this also helps us be aware of how we regard ourselves. Chances are we give too much weight to our inadequacies so noticing and being mindful of when we do (or could) exhibit our better qualities, seems to be a mindful practice to me, not that dissimilar to the random acts of kindness, or giving others compliments that we did whilst Training an Elephant book.

Have a good week

Steve

[Metaphysical Me]

I am not sure whether to focus on the same quality each day or pick a different one each day.

Oh, that's a cool idea!

If you feel happy to, do share which quality/ qualities you picked.

[Metaphysical Me]

Hmph, on the last day of this week, I finally figured out which quality I wanted to focus on...

While it *was* helpful, this week, to focus on "the good in myself" whenever I encountered criticism from others, or from within, it felt a bit "boring"... I guess the word "good" is something I associate with "nice but boring" a little bit...

So today, I realised that I would have liked to spend the week seeing the beauty in myself. I wish I'd paid attention to what is beautiful in me. That resonates far more deeply with me.

Speaking of resonating, I've been reading a Jack Kornfield book and last night I read about a certain exercise, which resonated so deeply that I was like "I have to do this as my JOT practice next week!!" So I've decided that I'm not going to participate in Week 6's practice of "Slow Down" but am going to substitute the practice that's resonating so deeply with me right now, and then I'll just join in again for JOT's Week 7...

[Steve]

Hi all

I managed to think of some good qualities I think I have but have not been so successful in remembering to be aware of when I exhibit them or when I don't. Except when I have time to myself at home, I still find it very difficult to remember to be mindful when I'm with others or out and about, or at work (except when I am forced to wait, eg in a queue) so I dicover that much of the week has gone by and I've forgotten the weeklu task. But in the way of mindfulness I guess its good that at least I become aware of this at weekends (and a few time during the week) and should not berate myself for this but just bring my attention back to the week's topic and begin again. Every moment is a chance to start over again.

How have others got on this week?

Steve

PS Janey - have a good week on your other topic, I look forward to hearing how you get on

[FeeHutch]

I have struggled to keep the various qualities I have chosen in mind consistently. I have found it useful though, I am getting better at recognising the physical feelings linked with using or not using a positive quality and that is helpful.

I normally do my cue sheet at the end of the day but this week I have tried to use it to choose a quality for the following day but not always remembered to do it. One of the problems with a banjaxed memory