Beginners experiences and questions

[Geiko]

Hello,

On my first topic here I recieved several answers that really where helpful for me, and I finally undestood that I need to just watch the moment, and look at my brains activity just like something that is part of the moment. That is a big revelation for me as a beginner

First time since I started practicing I was able to sit trough an anxiety attack, and that is also an important experience for me One benefit that I am enjoying now is that I am able to be anxious and go trough that feeling, without my brain panicly trying to run away from it, having the courage to just accept that I am anxious at the moment, look at the feeling without judging, until it eventualy goes away.

Something that also helped me, as someone who is still learning the basic principles of the practice, is when Jon Kabat-Zinn explained what it means "without judging". He explained that it doesn't mean not having any judging thoughts, but accepting those thoughts just as thoughts, not judging them. I hope I explained that right.

Also, mindfulness is bringing me a feeling of acceptance. Accepting myself, and getting familiar with myself, completely, without judging, is very liberating. I would also say that I am starting to realize that I am not loving my self at all, and that I see a possibility that mindfulness practice, and the accepting that is part of it, will make it possible to love myself

Of course, when you make some progress, there are always some questions that arise. During the day, should I pay attention to the moment as a whole (everything outside and inside me, people, sounds and objects)? I'm not sure that I would know how to do it, it seems always too much to concentrate on at once. Or should I pick just one manifestation in that moment, for ex. my thoughts, my breath, the activity that I am doing at the moment, the activity somebody else is doing etc.?

Another issue that I am facing is the computer and the television. My job is computer based, I am a graphic/multimedia designer. But working at the computer 7-8 hours a day, most of the time consumes all my attention, so if a task is demanding I completely forget about mindfulness. After a few hours I eventualy remember that I am sitting in front of the computer. Do you have any expiriences or advice on that subject?

The same issue with television. Although we don't wach television often, about 3-4 movies a week, I am not beeing able to be aware that I am watching a movie. I get sucked in. If I try to be concious I have the feeling that I am missing out on the movies story. Do I have to choose between the movie and mindfulness, or is there a way to concile the two?

[FeeHutch]

It is great to read that you feel happy with your practice, being able to stay in the moment during an anxiety account sounds like a real milestone

As for mindfulness and your job or TV watching. To me it sounds like you are being mindful, you are focused on what you are doing and giving it your full attention in the moment. That is something I struggle with, I am so used to multi tasking that I still try and watch TV while being on the computer for example and am not giving my attention to any one task. I do bring myself to the moment but if I spent the whole 2 hours of a film thinking 'I am watching a film' then I wouldn't really be watching the film.

I'll be really interested to hearing what everyone else thinks about this, it is a real learning process

[Gareth]

It's lovely to read of your progress. As Fee says, the fact that you have been able to sit through an anxiety attack and just be with it, rather than trying to run and hide, I think that is a real accomplishment. You see, you'll never be able to completely rid yourself of the anxiety, so it's much better to be able to be comfortable with it.

With regard to being on the computer/watching TV. It is completely possible to do both of these things mindfully. Try and lose the nagging question "am I being mindful enough?" Instead try and pay attention to whatever it is that you are doing. Be that watching TV or working on the computer. These little concepts sound easy, but they are in fact quite hard to do. As always, practice is key.

Multi-tasking is a powerful tool that human beings possess, but be careful, as it is quite illusory. When you multi-task, you are flicking your attention between different tasks, and each individual task gets less of your attention. It's necessary sometimes, but I usually find that it's better to focus on one task at a time.

[Geiko]

Thank you and I am sorry that I have not been able to answer for some time. I am in the end spurt of my exam at the university.

I know that forcing my self does not bring me any benefits, but the thing is that I feel calm and content in a special way if I am mindful, so there is a striving to be mindfull as much as possible. I wouldn't mind being mindfull all the time It has helped me tremendously in the way that I only rarely experience morning anxiety, my faithfull companion for apron. the last 7 years, and I was able to experience situations remind me off my traumatic events, without running away, and without relapsing.

If I work or watch TV, I am very focused, that is true, but I am not mindful at all, I'm not even aware that I am working or watching. After 8 hours of work, my mind is only racing and exhausted. I supphose that practice and experience will make me more skilful.

I have ups and downs though. Some days I am more mindfull than other, sometimes it seems to me that I've in a way forgotten "how it works". Some of you are practicing for years or even decades. Have you experienced that? Do you have any advice what to do when it seems that one has forgotten "how it works"?

[JonW]

Hi Geiko.
I found your post very interesting - some great questions there.
I don't think there's much to be gained from imagining that other people are more or less mindful than ourselves. Even someone who has been practicing for 40 years has the potential to behave as mindlessly as the next guy! We can only be mindful in the moment.
It helps me to imagine that every moment is an invitation to be mindful, rather than think of it as a state to attain regularly or even permanently.
If you've forgotten "how it works", that's probably a very good sign.
It means that you're not over-thinking it. But, if that thought does bother you, I'd advise simply returning to one of the earliest lessons in mindfulness: noticing thoughts arising and returning to the anchor of the breath.
It sounds like you're doing just great, by the way. You're a much valued member of this community and I hope you stick around.
In the meantime, best of luck with those exams.
Cheers, Jon

[BioSattva]

Hi Geiko

Do I have to choose between the movie and mindfulness, or is there a way to concile the two?

I think Vietnamese Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's definition of mindfulness might help you out here: "Mindfulness is knowing that you are doing something when you are doing it" (something like that ) - so when watching the movie, to be mindful you must be able to say "Watching the movie, I know I am watching the movie" - but not repeating that over and over in your head, but having the feeling behind that statement - your body is full of awareness, and you are aware of how your body is reacting to the movie. I remember I didn't see any exciting videos for a long time and then I watched a thriller movie, and being mindful of what it was doing to my body I had to turn it off(!) - I didn't want to give myself those feelings - it didn't feel compassionate.

Sometimes I think our lifestyle choices determine how mindful we want to be in our lives - a huge thriller fan will have some reckoning to do, for example .

Some days I am more mindfull than other, sometimes it seems to me that I've in a way forgotten "how it works". Some of you are practicing for years or even decades. Have you experienced that? Do you have any advice what to do when it seems that one has forgotten "how it works"?

The quote I have for this part is stolen from Google 'Search Inside Yourself' - "There's no agenda; nowhere to go, nothing to do." (again ~ something like that ). Awareness filling the body is enough - knowing what you are doing while you are doing it is enough. If you don't feel good doing it then strip your activity right down to formal sitting and watch your body and breath relative to your thoughts carefully and build things up from there - maybe there is some 'negative propaganda' at play - subtle judgements taking place. The more we do the formal practice, the more sensitive we can get to our inner tensions and thought patterns.

As I approach the entrance to my work, for example, I sense tension rising in my body - by using my body as a 'stress geiger counter' in this way (sensing internal tension increase and decrease) I can identify what aspects of my life I need to work on and possibly 'reframe'.

And also don't forget that without mindfulness-enhancing lifestyle changes, if one's practice lapses then what gains one once had will easily be covered over. Maybe you were thinking you could stop for a while and then pick up again where you left off - not possible; this is a life-long daily practice sort of thing. I fell prey to that idea over and over - and still do. When my practice has been particularly good and my awareness is quite clear, I think it can never go backwards no matter what I do so I get lazy and then the clouds start coming back in. Doh!

Hope any of that was useful.

Bio.

[JonW]

I'd agree with all that Bio has written above.
I'd also add that being mindful when watching a film means that you tend to chuck less Quavers and Liquorice Allsorts down your neck.

[Geiko]

Thank you both, FeeHutch, Gareth, Jon and Bio What you write is very useful for a beginner.

From my experience, when you start with mindfulness practice and have some benefits, a calm mind and a certain stability, you realy think that you can skip a day or two, because of to much work or a similar reason. I, was thinking that I reached a "certain stage", and I could never go back to my old ways. But guess what, I was there in a matter of a day Then, I guess as normal for a beginner, I tried to be in that "certain stage", to have that calmness and stability on purpose. But that feeling/stage is obviously impossible to produce on purpose. The calm mind, stability, equanimity (although only in early stages for a beginner like me) are only the products of a certain practice. We, on this forum, we chose Mindfulness practice, it can be a myriad of spiritual or nonspiritual practices.

So, I guess I realised that in order to have that state of mind, I have to practice. I don't need to think or analyse that state of calmness, mindfulness and awareness, those are simply goodies of the daily sitting practice. No practice, no goodies.

Yes, I kind of forgot "how it works", I started practicing, morning and evening, and "magically" i remembered

So, my beginners lesson no. 1, mindfulness, calmness and awareness are not something you learn how to do, and then you know it forever. You have to practice daily, both formal and non formal, so that your mind developes those qualities, and furthermore, you have to keep practicing daily to keep those qualities conditioned. Then you can enjoy those qualities in your daily life.

I read writings, and listened to interviews mentioning that what I just wrote, but obviously, we all have to come to that realisation by ourselves, trough or own experiences.

As for the movies, yes I have those expiriences too. If I am mindful when I'm watching, I sometimes decide that a certain media material is junk for my body, and I don't want to let a movie do that to me. So I look for something else to watch. That is something that I never did before, and then I wondered why I couldn't sleep. Sometimes, though I still keep watching something that is too stimulating, if I decide that I can take it. But beeing aware during a whole movie, that is something that I will achieve after much more practice, that is how I see it now. For now I get those few aware moments, and I am trying to build on them.

Jon, thank you, that is a very warm welcome.

[BioSattva]

Yes - so easy to think mindfulness is a philosophy rather than a habitual activity while on the 'mindful surfboard' - cruising along with thoughtwaves ripcurling beneath one - "hey, I know this now!" But the skill is not one which remains 'in play' without regular attention in the present moment - let one's guard down and it's game over quite quickly.

As the great teachers have said: "It's a way of being rather than a way of doing".

[JonW]

My pleasure, Geiko.
Again, you raise some great questions in your post.
I agree that practice is key to this. But, again, self-compassion to the fore.
If I'm having a particularly busy and stressful day, it can be difficult to squeeze in a couple of 20-minute meditations.
Occasionally my work (journalism) takes me abroad and that tends to play havoc with my meditation routine. But I find it's still possible to be mindful. Nothing more relaxing before a long-haul flight than a sitting meditation in the departure lounge (on a chair, I mean - attempting a full lotus at such a time might bring unwanted attention bearing down). Halfway through an eleven-hour flight is a great opportunity to meditate.
I used to get stressed about being in foreign countries, particularly when I didn't speak the native language. It was dislocating for me. Now I enjoy the mindful experience of different accents, different smells, different colours…all of it a kiss.
I'm not sure about watching movies. Surely some supposedly junk movies are actually quite brilliant. There's no reason to my mind why someone shouldn't enjoy pure escapism. For me, mindfulness comes into play when we find ourselves sitting in front of the box, watching any old crap on auto-pilot after a hard day at work.
And news. You can always have too much news.
Cheers, Jon