What do you say to friends & family??

[ken300]

For me mindfulness has made a HUGE difference to my life but there's one thing that seems to pop up in my thoughts over & over & over again, it makes me anxious and often takes me away from just being 'in the moment' when i'm in a group of people.

What do you say to friends & family who aren't 'into' mindfulness (i couldn't think of a better way of putting it!) when they ask things like 'what's this meditation stuff all about then?' or 'so what benefit do you get from it?'. You know that there's a 99% chance that they're just asking out of politeness or because they think they should & don't want a deep discussion about it.

I get particularly anxious in social situations where everyone's looking at you for a response or to justify your meditation/minfulness - they're not really interested and want a response in no more than a single sentence. I don't want to avoid their questions by trying to say something funny to distract them - that makes light of this wonderful, life changing thing - but what on earth do you all say??

It's great going on mindfulness courses etc where you're with like-minded people and there isn't this constant need to think about how other people are interpreting what you're saying - everyone's more open-minded!

On a similar note - there's several friends of ours who would benefit massively from mindfulness - what's the best way to make them aware that there's this thing out there that can help them - even though i can't describe it, it's benefits for them (without them feeling like i'm just pointing out their 'faults') or how it works in logical terms without sounding like some kind of TV evangalist promoting the latest religion? I feel a bit powerless doing nothing when i can see how good it would be for them!!

Thanks!

[Metaphysical Me]

I would just pick a book that you think explains it relatively well and tell people "It's quite complicated, but I can recommend .............. book - if you're interested to understand mindfulness, I think you might like reading it."

Most people do NOT want to read a whole book about a topic that doesn't interest them - so if it's only polite small talk they're making, then that should shut them up...

[Metaphysical Me]

Oh, and I wouldn't bother trying to "convince" people who might profit from it.

Occasionally, if you're talking to them about specific problems (you know, maybe chatting about stress at work, difficulties with parenting, trouble sleeping well, etc) then you could authentically say "Oh, that's an issue mindfulness has really helped me with" - and give an example of how.

If those people find your example genuinely interesting, they will become curious about the issue of mindfulness - over time.

But other than that - if you try convincing people, you won't just *sound* like an evangelist, you'll be one, I think...

(P.S. Been there and done that myself... in the past - and am sure it'll happen again in the future too, oops... It's challenging, I know...)

[ken300]

Sounds like good advice!

I just feel a bit powerless sometimes when you can see how much mindfulness could help someone & all the while they're becoming more & more unhappy and struggling when they don't need to be!!

[Gareth]

This is exactly the same situation that I find myself in Ken (I'm presuming you are a Ken.) Mindfulness is a very simple concept, but at the same time, something you can't begin to understand until you've been practising for a while. It's certainly not something that you can convey to people in a brief conversation.

I think the only way that we can convince others to undertake this practice is to be examples ourselves. A long time ago, I used to meditate in secret, believing that people would think me some kind of weirdo for doing it. Now I don't care. This thing has changed my life so much for the better that I can't keep it to myself. I tell people what a massive difference it has made to me, but that it's a tricky concept to grasp. Like Janey, I will invite them to read a book or come to this website. After that it's up to them. There's a zen proverb that sums it up pretty nicely:

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

[ken300]

Yes it Ken!!!

That proverb is pretty much what my other half says when I talk to her about it (although she's not an old Zen master!!), the only way that people will give mindfulness a proper go instead of seeing it as just the latest quick-fix, self-help fad is when they're ready to do it.

I was very, very sceptical myself before I started meditating, I just went on a mindfulness course to support my girlfriend (I thought it'd be good for her stress levels), gave it a go & found it so profound, I still can't 'get my head round it' though & maybe never will!

It's nice to know that other people have had the same thoughts as me about what to say to others who don't get it (I'm sure people think we're a bit weird too), at least me & the other half are doing it together, it would be very difficult if only one of us was trying to keep it up.

[JonW]

Hello Ken.
When I took up meditation a little over a year ago I did have a few nagging worries about what friends would think. But the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive and encouraging. In fact, a few friends have taken up mindfulness after seeing the difference it's made to my life.
I'm with Gareth on this one. By embodying mindfulness, we become walking advertisements for it. That doesn't mean we need to shout it from the rooftops. But, if people are interested, we can gently guide them to a place where they can investigate it for themselves - whether that's a book, a course, whatever.
Down here in Brighton, I run a mindfulness meet-up group. That's been going for six months or so, and it's now up to eighty members. It's an excellent way of hooking up with like-minded people and is very cheap to run.
http://www.meetup.com
All best, Jon

[ken300]

I think the answer is clear - just don't worry about what people think & be open & let people approach you if they're interested.

I definitely feel better about doing that now, before I posted this question I was constantly thinking 'is there some secret way I can help people by getting them to do it too', now I've got it clear in my head that it's not like that & I don't feel as helpless, thank you.

I do find being with like minded others - like in a group that meets now and again helps so much with not feeling like a wierdo, so I think I'll be doing that!

Thanks to everyone that took the time to respond,

Ken

[piedwagtail91]

This is exactly the same situation that I find myself in Ken (I'm presuming you are a Ken.) Mindfulness is a very simple concept, but at the same time, something you can't begin to understand until you've been practising for a while. It's certainly not something that you can convey to people in a brief conversation.

I think the only way that we can convince others to undertake this practice is to be examples ourselves. A long time ago, I used to meditate in secret, believing that people would think me some kind of weirdo for doing it. Now I don't care. This thing has changed my life so much for the better that I can't keep it to myself. I tell people what a massive difference it has made to me, but that it's a tricky concept to grasp. Like Janey, I will invite them to read a book or come to this website. After that it's up to them. There's a zen proverb that sums it up pretty nicely:

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

i'm with gareth on this.
it can be difficult not to talk about mindfulness when you know the difference it can make, but i've managed to avoid starting up conversations and telling people this!
i didn't feel they'd appreciate it.
i thought it better to let them see the difference it had made in my life and now after a couple of years a few people i know are coming on the course of their own accord, now they're asking the questions, so now i feel is the time to tell them about mindfulness, as gareths quote says, now's the right time.

[ken300]

I guess there's a very really danger that if I talked someone into trying it when they're not ready they'll just think it's yet another quick fix, give it a half-hearted go then think 'i tried that & it didn't do any good', in which case I wouldn't have helped at all!!!!