JOT Week 3 - Have Compassion For Yourself

[Metaphysical Me]

So, time for Week 3 already.

I know that this week is going to be a challenge for me, because self-compassion is not something I'm very good at.

I even bought the (beautiful) book "Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff a few years ago, because I knew I needed to get some more of that happening!

I think I'm going to combine the idea of "self-compassion" with Week 2's idea of "taking in the good" - that is, when I have a moment of having compassion with myself, I will make sure to also let the experience "seep into me like syrup"...

This may prove to be the key - because I've tried doing the self-compassion thing in the past (without R. Hanson's Week 2 "taking in the good" method (also known as his H.E.A.L. method)) and it's sort of been like water off a duck's back - kind of like "Yada, yada, big deal, a bit of self-compassion after so many years without it - do you expect me to get excited, or what...?!"

So, deeply "taking in" the self-compassion will hopefully do the trick!

[betty.etal]

In an interesting start to this topic, I read the chapter in the aftermath of a major flashback this morning, the after effects of which meant I had to cancel the visit I had planned this morning. Following the suggestions in the chapter helped me to see that the people I had to cancel on were most likely feeling compassion for me, where I was judging myself for stuffing up their plans, and compassion for my suffering would have been more skilful.

I am confused though on one point. Isn't mindfulness about being with what is with acceptance? When I read this week's practice, I get the sense that Rick is saying that part of self-compassion (and compassion for others) is wanting their suffering to end. Isn't that aversion to what is/grasping a non-suffering state, and in opposition to being with what is? I would have thought it was more about simply having compassion for the state I'm in, rather than the active desire for it to change, but perhaps I'm missing something with my very sore head!

Betty

[Christobel]

I practice yoga and this is a message my teacher posted for this month -

Even though were still in the middle of winter, this is the time when we look ahead and set our intentions for our best future.
Part of that often involves enhancing our energy, health and capacity on all levels in order to move towards our hearts desire.
When we deepen our yoga practice, we can begin to expand our compassion for others, ourselves and tune in to our true path.
In yoga we call this Sankhalpa - the setting of an intention that arises from our higher self. A sankhalpa is a little different to a New Year's resolution which can have a sense of force or giving something up. We find that the true sankhapla arrives with everything needed for its fulfilment - divine wisdom, energy and will.

I hope this is helpful in meditating on acceptance of suffering, but with compassion.

[Metaphysical Me]

Hi Betty,

If you look at Week 1's thread (and I think also the introductory JOT Book thread) then you can find some of my posts where I dealt with the issue that the JOT book isn't about mindfulness, in quite some detail.

I also struggled with the issue "JOT does not = mindfulness practice" (really badly) during week 1.

JOT is about "teaching your brain to function more positively" and hence NOT the neutral acceptance that mindfulness is about.

I guess it's up to everyone wanting to practise mindfulness, whether or not they find it helpful/ useful to spend a year on a book that is NOT a mindfulness book, but that includes useful practices that can support your actual mindfulness practice.

I've decided that I find it counter-productive to do "positivity exercises" while practising mindfulness. At the end of week 1 (I posted about this then too) I decided to just use the weekly JOT chapter headings as a mindfulness focus - i.e. this week to mindfully observe whether I'm being compassionate with myself and whether it feels helpful to try being a bit *more* compassionate with myself.

This is how I approached week 2 and I'm finding that this sits FAR better with my overall mindfulness practice.

Of course, this is just the hotch-potch solution that I've cobbled together for myself - and hence is only a suggestion that you might want to cobble together a solution for yourself too. Oh, and yep, it's also a confirmation that IMO, JOT is not a "neutral", "mindful" book, but rather something else...

[JonW]

"I've decided that I find it counter-productive to do "positivity exercises" while practising mindfulness."
Not just me then? I started reading the book and decided that JOT would only distract me from my mindfulness practice.
But if it's bringing benefits to others, good for them. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the JOT threads.
Good things, Jon

[Metaphysical Me]

Hey Jon,
Nope, 'tis not just you
XXX
Janey

[betty.etal]

Well Janey it seems that I've been very lacking in mindfulness and operating on an invalid assumption. You were obviously a lot more mindful with this than me right from the start. In re-reading the intro to the book on your suggestion, I've realised that I've been reading it to date through a massively incorrect filter - I assumed that because this book was being done as a project on a mindfulness forum, that it was about developing mindfulness. I'm kind of embarrassed now (watching those thoughts with compassion and acceptance!) that it took me so long to realise what I was doing.

I completely get where you were coming from in week one now Janey. I need to reassess whether it's timely for me to be working with this book. This year I really did want to focus on just one thing - but that one thing was building the ability to bring compassion and acceptance to whatever arises. Rick Hanson's book is great in terms of what it sets out to do, but I think it is distracting me from the much needed focus on simply noting and accepting whatever arises in my world with compassion. I now suspect that I won't really be ready for Rick's "Just One Thing" until I've cleared enough of the trauma from my system to be able to have a chance at being in the now.

I'll reflect on it for a bit.

Thank you!

Betty

[Steve]

Some interesting ideas and thoughts in this thread. It is said that mindfulness itself changes the brain by strengthening/enhancing the pathways used in being aware, acceptance etc etc (the 'new' science of neuroplasticity). Is Rick Hanson's approach to take this idea to help us develop the positive pathways (to help counterbalance the negative tendency that evolution seems to have provided us)?

Whether this is just developing/using a small part of mindfulness or whether it is contrary to 'acceptance' depends on how you look at it - I don't know.

Looking at it more broadly, choosing a topic to be mindful of each week, is inherently a mindfulness practice, a step by step approach to gradually training your mind to be under your control (just as in the training an elephant book). I guess each person needs to find how best to implement this in a manner that best suits them.

For my part, I am being compassionate to myself by taking some biodynamic massage sessions. This very much concentrates on listening to your body and being aware that the mind and body are one combined system, and letting go of physical and mental tensions (and 'letting go' of these tensions does feel good). This is very much the same as in meditation so they seem to complement each other well.

all the best

Steve

[Metaphysical Me]

Hey Betty,

Yeah, I think we all thought it was a mindfulness book, when choosing to go with the JOT book on the forum this year, too! Haha...

And who knows, maybe it is (??) and I'm interpreting it wrongly? But I can only say what my impression of it is.

As Steve says, I think it's still a great idea to have a weekly *mindfulness* topic and to be able to share and reflect on that experience in a forum / group, like here.

Which is why I've decided to "ditch" the content of the book's chapters and just take the weekly titles as true mindfulness topics - this week, as I said, I'm just being mindful of whether I'm compassionate with myself, or whether I'm not, and why not, and whether I can try being a bit more compassionate, etc, etc.

I'm finding that works very nicely and is not at all contradictory or does not run counter to "proper" mindfulnes practice.

And reading things like Steve's brilliant idea of a massage as a self-compassionate experience (I loooove massage!) is great, for me.

So, after you've reviewed your stance on the JOT book, I for one would be happy to have you stay on board, if you like, just using the JOT topics as mindfulness focuses too, if that were to sit right for you...

Either way, I wish you the best with figuring out what is right for YOU!!

XXX

[Metaphysical Me]

P.S. I remember someone suggesting in the first thread, I think it was, that we should/ could get Rick Hanson's feedback on our joint JOT practice... I'd love to get that feedback now, on whether his book *is* a mindfulness book, or not, haha