Mid-Life Crisis Mindfulness :-)

[Metaphysical Me]

Ooh, I'm loving this "living life one hour at a time" thing! See how it develops, I guess.

I've also decided to do the "Turning towards Difficulties" meditation from FPIAFW daily, to sit with the difficult emotions I was describing above. I guess I'll do it daily for as long as it takes for improvement.

[Metaphysical Me]

Still loving "living an hour at a time"

Doing the "difficult emotions" meditation, I'm noticing that the core feeling that's causing me problems is the feeling of pressure.

I feel, and have felt for decades, so much pressure. To do so many things, to do them right, to keep achieving, to reach (random) goals, to excel, to function...

Prior to my mid-life crisis, I've given in to the pressure and tried to achieve all of the above. Since my mid-life crisis began, I've been putting up resistance to the pressure.

But both of those reactions are exactly that - they are both direct reactions to the pressure - just with opposite results.

I'm going to focus on the feeling of pressure in my "difficult emotions" meditations and see where that takes me.

So sick of the feeling of pressure!!

[Gareth]

It's counter-intuitive, but the thing with mindfulness is that you have to fully feel that pressure. Fully engaging with the feeling/emotion is often enough for it to dissipate by itself.

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling that pressure, and try not to force it away. Sit with the pressure and explore it. It sounds crazy I know, but this is quite central to how mindfulness works.

They are called feelings for a reason: they need to be felt.

[JonW]

Very well put, Gareth.
When we turn to face difficult thoughts or feelings and we start to show them curiosity rather than push them away or fight with them, we start noticing that there's nothing solid about these things, nor are they fixed or constant. They only have power if we grant them that power. Over time, mindfulness practice teaches us to relate to our thoughts and feelings differently. We begin to realise that we don't need to be at the mercy of thoughts and feelings.
As a wise man (or woman) once said, "the mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master."
Good things, Jon

[Metaphysical Me]

Yeah, I know: "the only way out is through".

I probably should have clarified: I don't mean that I don't want to feel these feelings during mindfulness practice, but rather that I don't want to keep having them be such a large part of my day to day life.

Ach, wording is sooo tricky, in describing mindfulness, huh? Oops.

Well, I've been doing the FPIAFW "Turning towards difficulty" meditations and I think they are helping.

Today I'm also trying to turn towards the feeling of intense tiredness from too little sleep. That's another feeling I absolutely despise and flee from. It was a bit tricky working with this during my first-thing-in-the-morning meditation, cos I kept falling asleep during it, whoops.

I need to be at work in 2 hours and am still feeling groggy and sleepy, so I'm going to try another meditation on that now.

Hope y'all are doing well and thank you for your thoughts! They are very true and very good reminders to stay on track.

XXX Janey

[Steve]

Janey

I've only just seen this thread as I am convalescing from a minor op yesterday so am on Doctor's orders to put my feet up for a week or more (so have a perfect excuse to exercise only my fingers and brain on my lap top).

Whilst I haven't been through a midlife crisis, once I turned 50 I decided it was high time to take stock and decide how I wanted to spend the second half of my life. I found it useful to speak to a career advisor (particulary one who specialises in legal professionals) as I was looking to wind down from my present career and pursue some other interests (giving some of my wishes and values somewhat more priority and getting off the 'treadmill' - or only getting on it as and when it appealed to me).

It was very useful to talk through ones values etc with a skilled coach. This enabled me to take time to review what I wanted, what I am seeking, what might be holding me back etc etc. The coach I spoke to offered a wide range of 'tools' and opened my thinking to a wide range of approaches, sources of help and new ways of thinking. I was already investigating mindfulness and yoga at the time (which to me at that stage were still somewhat 'alterntive') and these fitted well with the process.

In all, I found working with a coach, particularly a career coach, a very 'mindful' experience and I found the additional expert help and introduction to new approaches added greatly to my own reflections and internal enquiry from practising mindfulness.

Steve

Incidentally, yesterday was also a great indicator of how far I have come with mindfulness, I was able to avoid worrying and becoming anxious about my op, I remained calm, patient, cheerful and relaxed in circumstances in which I would previoulsy have got very worried, would have put myself through days of 'what if' thinking, would have become snappy and emotional. Instead, I just took things as they came, used the waiting time/delays as opportunities to chill out further and not get uptight and before I knew it, it was all over!

[FeeHutch]

Hope you are recovering well Steve

[Steve]

Many thanks Fee - all going well and I'm enjoying the opportunity to put my feet up

Steve

[Steve]

Many thanks Fee - all going well and I'm enjoying the opportunity to put my feet up

Steve

[Rowantree]

Well now, I can relate to this.
I am 60 and have been struggling with anxiety and depression for decades, on and off. It's got worse during the last 10 years and I don't know why because my life has become easier, after a very difficult time family-wise for various reasons.
I have nothing to complain about; I have much to be thankful for, including a home, enough to eat and an OH who is loving and supportive. I know I should be able to appreciate all I have and that life is short. I want most of all to be able to do this and to live in the moment, but I am waking up with severe anxiety every day and struggle with depression still. I feel such a failure. I have tried the 8 week Mindfulness course several yea\rs ago but once it finished I found it difficult to keep practising and gave up. I have made several attempts to start again, and that's what I am doing now, but like the previous poster I suppose I was hoping it will help take away my painful feelings and I know it won't do that. I am currently 9 months into a therapy programme which is making me feel so dreadful that I have decided to pull the plug on it - it's getting me to do the very things that make me worse - over-analysing my feelings, my motives for everything and my life. What I need is to be able to step back a little and see things in perspective and without such fear but the therapists insist that it's not the best way and that painful feelings are telling us our lives need to change (not a helpful thing to say to someone already tortured with self-doubt). Nevertheless I am working my way through the Headspace programme on my own (currently halfway through Take 15) and also doing short body scan meditations most days. Is there anything else I could do, or is this enough for the time being?