Struggling with formal practice.

[JonW]

Hi there Rainbow.
Good to hear from you again. Sorry to hear that things have been tough.
Do stick around and let us know how you're getting along. As ever we'll all do our best to help if we can.
Best wishes, Jon

[FeeHutch]

Thinking of you Rainbow x

[Cheesus]

A very close friend of mine hears voices on a regular basis. She has both internal and external voices, and has an identity and a relationship with each of them. One of them is actually a dog which I find kinda nice I also have a lot of academic experience in these kinds of mental disorders.

What has helped my friend immensely, and which I have seen research suggesting is beneficial, is for her to examine her relationship to the voices and her relationship to her experience of hearing voices. She told me the other day that she actually feels a bit sorry for other people because they are all by themselves, but here she is with 7 companions. From what she tells me they are not necessarily friendly, nor are they necessarily unfriendly, however I think that is partially a product of her coming to terms with her condition and carefully altering her relationship to them.

Reactions to your type of query can be varied as it is such a relatively unknown experience. Mindfulness, however, teaches us that there is actually no 'wrong' experience, rather there is just experience. We don't want to see you losing your grounding, and so I think it great you are in regular contact with professionals, however I do not think that the experience of hearing voices in and of itself is a bad thing. It's just part of the totality of your existence, and so it is possible to approach it with quiet curiosity rather than repulsion.

I will emphasise, however, that I think this kind of psychiatric work needs to be conducted under supervision (as you are) because it is necessary to have someone there to keep your conclusions and reactions grounded. Someone to guide you through the experience who has been there before.

Just as a side note, I saw a study recently whereby people who were hearing voices systematically altered their relationship with the voices from one of fear or loathing to either a neutral or a friendly position. In doing so, the severity of the voices actually decreased and in some instances they disappeared altogether. The methodology was different to mindfulness, however I think it bears mentioning as it just goes to show that the laws of impermanence apply unconditionally once we let things come into existence (whether the change be wrought in frequency, severity or type).

Though I am not a mindfulness instructor, I think if you find benefit in walking practice whereas you are currently struggling with sitting practice, then you should just continue for the time being with what you are comfortable with. Mindfulness can sometimes present personal challenges and it can be good to meet these, however it is best to do so at a time and place to suit us.

I really admire your willingness to be proactive in this and your spirit in approaching it. It is really something to meet such a difficult challenge and then stand up to address it. Keep your advisers close, ask lots of questions and try not to let the simple pleasures in life such as taking your dog for a mindful walk slip away form you

Cheesus

[JonW]

Another book recommendation.
Ruby Wax has a new book out about how mindfulness changed/saved her life. It's called Sane New World and well worth investing in.
She's particularly good at describing how mindfulness has changed the way she thinks. Pre-mindfulness, she felt as though a Wagner opera was constantly blaring out inside her head. Mindfulness practice has taught her to experience her thoughts, "not as something solid or threatening, but as ambient background noise."
I think that's a brilliant analogy. As the mind settles, thoughts do take on a more ambient texture. For example, if you play Brian Eno's Music For Airports, you are aware that it's playing but it's very much in the background, like a calming hum. It's not disturbing or threatening. It just is.

[Rainbow]

Cheesus, I would like to thank you so much for that reply. If you don't mind I am going to copy and paste bits and stick it in my journal. Thank you! Also, your friend really really gives me hope that one day i will see my 'voices' in the same way.
Thank you Jon, I will have a look out for that book!

I just completed a ten minute practice. And I'm kinda proud. I kept getting distracted., but I kept bringing it back to the breath. And the voices by the end of the ten minutes were screaming at me to stop, ( that have been pretty awful today) and to not do it because its bad and people will get in my head. But i continued. And stuck with it, and tried my 110% best to just let 'him' be.

Thank you everyone, I'm so greatful of your kindness and support I really really am. X

[JonW]

That's great news, Rainbow. Just "letting be" is the key here.
Some days will be easier than others. But daily practice ought to make a difference.
And keep posting. Sharing thoughts on mindfulness is part of the practice too.
Have a lovely Sunday.
All best, Jon

[Cheesus]

Aww thanks By all means copy and paste away.

I think it's great you sat through a 10 minute practice! Sitting with uncomfortable and challenging experiences can be extremely difficult, especially, I imagine, when they are of this nature. Just remember, though, that you don't have to punish yourself into it. Walking meditation is seriously great too, so if you don't feel as though you want to sit and stare your voices in the proverbial face then don't feel obliged. We don't need to throw ourselves headlong into all negative experiences. A great deal can be be gained by picking and choosing our battles.

Keep up the good work and keep in touch!
Cheesus

[FeeHutch]

I will add Ruby's book to my never shrinking reading list
I bought and have meditated to Music For Airports and found it a very calming experience.

[Cheesus]

The more I think about this, the more I wonder if sitting meditation is the best thing for you right now. We really don't want to see you forcing yourself and your condition worsening, if that's what it appears to do during practice. I think you should have a good talk with whoever your current psych is and hopefully with the meditation instructors and really decide if this is what you need right now.

[Rainbow]

Thank you everyone

I am meeting with my psych tomorow and will definitely bring it up. Today me and the dog walked. I think your right, maybe I won't 'force' it for the time being. I shall see what happens tomorow.

Thank you x