FPIAFW - Week 1: Waking Up to the Autopilot

[FeeHutch]

This week has been a very stressful week and I realised on Thursday that I was neglecting myself and my mindfulness practice.

I have tried to pay more attention and have meditated more consistently towards the end of the week. I noticed a while ago that when I am feeling in a less positive frame of mind I subconsciously punish myself with negative feelings around 'failing' to meditate. So I am trying to be open to self compassion.

The habit releaser was interesting. I tried to sit in different places where possible and noticed that in different social and professional situations we do sort of default to sitting in the same place every time. I have 2 chairs in my office and some clients sit on one and some on the other but once they make that choice the very first time they come in to see me they never deviate from that choice. I always give them a choice and they always stick with their first one!

Paying attention during routine tasks: I chose brushing my teeth and mostly found I was able to be mindful about what I was doing but equally that my brain was always trying to divert my attention elsewhere. In fact focus has been hard this week because it has felt like so many things have been demanding my attention. I have to say I am really looking forward to week 2 and The Body Scan because it is a practice I have been neglecting recently and I can really feel the difference.

[calm_one]

Hi all,

I've been trying to start week 1 for a while now and I just can't seem to get myself into it!

My main problem is i really struggle to find 2 x a day to meditate, I'm normally busy at night and in the mornings i'm a bit too sleepy (I have long term sleep problems) Another problem I have is I get really sleepy during meditation sometimes too.

I also find the audio track 1 a bit quick, just as I'm getting into it, Its over. Do you think I would have the same effect if I just did the 8 min meditation twice in one go? Work are great and let me go off and meditate in a meeting room whenever I want but I don't like to do this more than once a day. I could also do a few breathing space meditations if need be.

I have been having CBT for anxiety from a very very stressful couple of years, I basically just got so worn out and run down with stress that I went a bit mad. The worst is over but I still find myself worrying about stupid things, that are either imagined or 'what ifs' I also find myself punishing myself for things I've done in the past. I used to be quite a strong person that would just laugh stuff off or wouldn't even consider worrying about it.

It was my CBT therapist that suggested mindfulness. I do try to ground myself when I can and that does work. For example if I feel a worry coming into my head I imagine a train coming into a station and I place my box of worry on it and watch the train pull away, then I bring my attention to my breath for a few moments and it does really work. (is that even classed as mindfulness?)However its getting into the formal regular practice I'm struggling with!

Sorry I'm rambling now! Anyone find it really hard to get into it? I guess I don't necessarily have to go through the book week by week, just move on when ready!

[FeeHutch]

Hello Calm One

Are there any other times in the day you could try meditating? Maybe once during work as you have that option which is fab and then once when you get home? I can be a lot more flexible with my sitting practice now but it certainly helped right at the beginning to try and stick to around the same times each day. It became part of my routine rather than something I needed to find time for and that helped. If the practice seems a little too short maybe just try a few extra moments sitting and wait until you feel ready to end the session?

I think your attitude of just sticking with it and taking it at your own pace is a very mindful one.

[calm_one]

Thanks Feehutch. I think I should push myself to try as soon as I get home. Work is fine to do it unless I'm out of the office all day. I should try mindful driving since in always doing that.

My friend is a massive yoga fan and going to take me to her classes. I have tried yoga in the past and found it very relaxing burning all that extra adrenaline through stretching.

I've seen people see positive changes in the in just a few weeks so I hope I'm the same

Thanks again for the reply

[FeeHutch]

You are very welcome, let us know how you get on

[calm_one]

I have found this week much easier, following my last post, I find myself wanting to go off and meditate and enjoy them. Weirdly though I have felt my depression a returning a little. I'm not quite sure why, I have recently reduced my medication so it could be that, I'm on a very low dose now.

I also went to the Buddhist centre next to where I work on Tuesday lunch time and did an hour there which I found helpful. Next week I'm going to start yoga which should be good as I do very little exercise now.

My CBT therapist did question if I was just using mindfulness to suppress my problems rather than face them. To be honest most my problems are the irrational way I relate to things. I did explain that further in the course I start to turn towards your problems and meditate on them.

I went for a bike ride On Tuesday night and I was cycling through a gorgeous sunny forest, I realised half way through that I failed to notice anything, I was cycling but I was in my head worrying about feeling a bit down and is this the return. So I tried to focus more on the sights and sounds, which was nice!

I guess I'm just seeing how it goes, it can't harm me to try, and so many of you say you feel positive changes.

[JonW]

"Weirdly though I have felt my depression a returning a little. I'm not quite sure why, I have recently reduced my medication so it could be that, I'm on a very low dose now."
That is quite a common occurrence when starting out. Things can bubble up when you begin practicing meditation, before the mind gets used to settling.
As you indicate in your post, mindfulness is not about suppressing emotions. It's about accepting everything that comes up - both positive and negative feelings - with compassion. To begin with, the mind might be resistant to that as it is used to avoiding difficult emotions or running away from them.
The beauty of the 8-week course is that it introduces you to these concepts gradually and gently.
Wishing you all good things, Jon

[treeandrock]

I have started this week. So far so good but find I need a relaxing transition between everyday life and practicing the 8 minute breath awareness to feel like I am making a slight shift. Will keep you posted on progress. cheers

[FeeHutch]

I have started this week. So far so good but find I need a relaxing transition between everyday life and practicing the 8 minute breath awareness to feel like I am making a slight shift. Will keep you posted on progress. cheers

Hi Treeandrock, may I call you tree?

When I first started I did find it helpful to deliberately set myself up to do practice. I took myself off somewhere, asked my husband and children to leave me alone. I didn't take my mobile and unplugged the telephone in the room I was in. I found that with practice I reached a stage where I could (and still do) practice in a room full of people if I wanted to.

I think a big piece of the course is trying different things out and seeing what works best for you

[treeandrock]

Ha tree is fine.

Currently i practice is a quiet room with no distractions but have tried doing it in the car etc with mixed results.

I can see with practice how this can be used during the day and the benefits it can bring. Especially with a mind I have let wander for too many years!

thanks for the reply