A Test Of Mindfulness (The Paleo Diet)

[Gareth]

Day 31

This thing is starting to get a lot more difficult now. I veer from one position to the other, sometimes in a matter of minutes. I can be sat in the dining room eating my dinner thinking: "this is lovely, I could easily eat like this forever." I could then finish my dinner and walk into the lounge and see my favourite chef on the TV cooking something and think to myself: "I wouldn't be able to eat that. Who am I kidding? I couldn't possibly keep this up." I remember this kind of internal battle from the last diet. It's what eventually broke me and made me choose happiness over healthiness.

I am still really enjoying this challenge though, because of the things that it is doing to my mind. I feel confident that by the end of it I will have arrived arrived at a decision that is right for me.

[FeeHutch]

I have those feelings too when I try and stick to diets generally but as I commented before haven't had any problems at all giving up meat.

Trusting yourself to come to the right choice for you sounds so easy but can be difficult. It sounds like you have faith in yourself to make the right decision for you, really getting in touch with yourself is one of the biggest benefits of mindfulness I think

[Marcus]

Hey Gareth

I think we both have the same issue here in one way or another. For me, it's kind of hard to make meditation important and not just 'fit it in' and whilst part of me wants it and does believe in it I don't seem to be prioritising it or thinking about it other than as something I have to 'fit in' somewhere. Maybe it would be different if my days were different - woken up by the baby, spend an hour with him till my wife gets up, rush out the door to beat the traffic and get to work, gym, eat, sleep and repeat. I have tried to do it on the evening but I am just too tired and it feels like too much of a chore then and I can't focus my mind.

When I get to the office early, I get it done and I feel nice and calm afterwards but I am not getting addicted to it as I hoped I would. I do like the idea of 'practice' and that I must practice to really get the benefits but I tend to be pretty happy and calm without it so I am still waiting for that eureka moment this time around the block and I seem to get more from either lifting weights or short bouts of intensive exercise - it really puts me in a good place afterwards.

It's the same with Paleo I guess. If you go into it looking at it as a diet or a set of restrictions, the battle is already lost. Paleo fascinated me, learning about food and it's interaction with our bodies and more natural ways to live our life has almost become my meditation. It's kind of hard to overstate how much this has impacted my life and in a hugely positive way. I even wear shoes that have not support so it is more like walking barefoot, I spend more time outside and in pursuit of natural endeavours - my big hobbies like films and computer games are pretty much done with and I have embraced an ancestral perspective in all areas of my life. I like to think of using Meditation as a way to redress some of the crazyness in my life and get back some of the calm we would have had in a more natural lifestyle not driven 100% by work and the daily grind so this is the angle I am trying to take with myself.

Out of interest - what are the foods that you see and think I would not be able to have that? I have not really found anything I can't Paleo up or recreate one way or another now and there are some great paleo cooking blogs out there. There is a risk of going too high sugar / omega 6 if you live of Paleo safe treats but generally, when it is time for a treat, we have plenty of options.

I need some meditation motivation at the moment so how about you toss out some ideas there and in return I will make paleo suggestions for any foods that make you think you could not have that any longer? Could be fun.

Marcus

[Gareth]

It's really hard to get this across to you Marcus, because you are still viewing meditation as something to 'fit in'; it just doesn't work like that. It is completely possible to practise mindfulness while you are caring for your baby, or at the gym, or doing the outdoor activities that you enjoy. But it's something that doesn't always come naturally to the human mind; it takes practice.

I was the same at first. Meditation was something that I had to do like a checkbox item of things to do in the day. Over time, and with continued practice, the chemistry of the brain and thought processes change, making it easier to remain present in the moment that you are in. These changes are slow and take time to sink in, but they are extremely profound I assure you. For example, when you are spending time with your baby, it's much better to be there, spending time with your baby, rather than off in the future thinking about the work deadline. Alas, if you are not practising every day, then I am not sure that you can achieve these changes to your mind, and the old patterns of thinking/behaviour will surely re-assert themselves. All I can give you is my word. From the place where you are, mindfulness probably seems like an alien concept, but read some of the blogs on the main site. This can be a truly life-changing practice I assure you.

What's more is that this can fit easily into your lifestyle; it will make your life so much easier. Heaven knows I have a busy life. I have MS, two tiny children, a full-time job, a daily yoga practice and a website that I am trying to get off the ground. Mindfulness makes all of this possible because I hardly spend any time distracted these days and my life blooms because of it.

One thing at a time and with your full attention. It's a very difficult thing to achieve, but when you do, it's a remarkably productive way to live your life. The only way that this can be brought about is through meditation in my experience.

Stay strong Marcus and keep meditating. Don't ask questions of the practice - just practice.

[Gareth]

Day 43

This is getting seriously difficult now. It's not so much the food that I am not enjoying, because the food is all fine and nice. It's the restrictions that this is placing on me. Maybe I'm just a rebel at heart. Let me try and illustrate with this example: I am out shopping with my wife and mother-in-law and everybody decides they want to stop for a coffee, so we go to a coffee shop and they both enjoy a capuccino and a cake whereas I am sat holding a black coffee. In this moment I am definitely subjected to feelings and thoughts of anger, disappointment and resentment: I hate this disease for preventing me from eating that cake that I want to eat. Of course mindfulness meditation has given me the ability to let these feelings go without them putting me in a tailspin, but they still arise, and I can't ever see a situation where they wouldn't arise. What's more is that that little voice I talked about in post 1 has returned, telling me the same message: eat what you want to eat, happiness is more important than healthiness.

I still maintain that this is a really worthwile lifestyle exercise that I am undertaking, and I would heartily recommend anybody else to do something similar in terms of challenging old habits. I learned some really valuable lessons in relation to alcohol this weekend. I went for a get-together with my mates at his house - an occasion which has traditionally been booze filled. All three of them were drinking heavily, and they were doing their best to make me relent, but I stayed strong and remained alcohol free for the whole night. I had been dreading this occasion, but it actually turned out that I had a good night without alcohol, and what's more I woke up hangover free and had time with my son the next morning while they were all festering in bed with a hangover. I haven't stopped drinking forever by any stretch, but this has shown me that I can say no to alcohol and have a good time anyway - a valuable lesson I think.

Also Marcus, I had a thought the other day. It might help you to think of mindfulness as a Paleo way of living. I'm sure that Paleolithic people had no problem with their mindfulness - they were only ever in the moment. Go out and hunt/gather your food in the day and sit round looking at the fire at night. It's only modern life that makes mindfulness so difficult with its myriad of distractions.

[Cheesus]

Hi Gareth

I am absolutely, 100% with you in what you're doing here. I am doing something very similar and at least as equally strict, and which I am sure you have come across in your research into the Palaeolithic diet: the candida diet.

The purpose of this diet is to balance a gastrointestinal 'dysbiosis' that occurs as a result of pharmaceuticals (particularly antibiotics), modern diets and stress. The theory goes (and it is certainly just a theory) that a pathogenic yeast called 'candida' overgrows in the GI tract and as a result you entire system is, essentially, thrown out.

On my diet I am essentially allowed lean meats (no pork and minimal lamb and beef), fish, veg, some nuts, and non-glutinous grains such as buckwheat, quinoa, minimal brown rice, green lentils etc (I realise not all of those are grains). As yeast is typically nourished by sugar, I am not allowed anything with a marginally elevated GI index including fruit. Some versions of the diet (there is no single version to add complexity to injury) don't even allow carbohydrates of any sort, but I drew the line before that point.

It's already difficult enough maintaining this diet, however it gets yet more complicated still! When you start to kill candida off in the GI tract you get a 'herxheimer' or 'die-off' reaction. This is an adverse reaction caused by a number of toxins that are released as the pathogenic candida dies.

I realise the science behind all of this is shaky at best, and is actually largely based on anecdote rather than anything else. However, after 4 months on the diet I am still suffering heavily. This has lessened considerably over the past couple of months but during the protocol has included: severe dizziness, disabling fatigue (to the point I could hardly wash myself), terrible panic attacks, GI distress, sinus issues, spaced out feelings, head/facial pressure, extremely foamy urine, bad breath, rashes, itchiness, sexual dysfunction... I could go on.

It has not only been the diet that has caused this. Part of the protocol is to also take antifungal remedies. I always note a marked increase in my symptoms following any antifungal agent including garlic, peppermint, oregano and even probiotics.

I am currently under close supervision from my GP and also am being referred to a number of specialists as this is tied up with a long term viral infection that is akin to glandular fever that I have been unable to shift (my tonsils are either gross or epic, depends on your disposition). I also have a chronic anxiety disorder. I can't identify anything in my diet that I am having an allergic reaction to, and, despite being rather restrictive, I actually eat a more balanced diet now than before I started this. Fortunately I am seeing some improvements in my health, but progress is slow and certainly non-linear. Fatigue is the main thing that still dogs me and I am under assessment from my local chronic fatigue service. My skin, on the other hand, looks healthier than ever (it's the small victories that count )

The only thing I can do at this stage is soldier on. Restrictive diets and physical health difficulties are seriously tough and I deeply empathise with your current predicament, though I cannot (or should I say hopefully not) factor in your additional stressor of having a degenerative chronic condition.

Learning to be mindful in times such as these is useful as you're nose-to-nose with suffering and so have a lot of opportunity to practice, however sometimes I feel a bit as though I have been thrown in at the deep end.

As ever, onwards and upwards(!) and I look forward to reading more about your plight with diet and wellbeing.
Cheesus

[Gareth]

Day 51

There is still over a week to go, but I have now arrived at a decision. I will not be continuing the Paleo lifestyle after this 60 day experiment has ended. I know this to be the correct decision for me, because the moment I made this decision, I felt instant relief and the little voice that I have talked about in earlier posts was silenced. It turns out that I made the right decision last time when I reverted to eating the foods that I enjoy. This is one of the most important things about mindfulness for me: the ability to know yourself much better. You see I am a foodie, addicted to creating foods and flavours from a variety of ingredients. To go on constraining my food choices for the rest of my life feels like removing both my arms just to (possibly) avoid using a wheelchair. Nothing that MS can do to me scares me in the slightest any more, so I have decided to continue the rest of my life eating the foods that I love; I will be more whole as a person because of it.

So how do I feel health-wise? Well to be perfectly honest, I don't feel a whole lot different. This doesn't mean to say that I disbelieve the Paleo ethos, because I don't. It makes perfect sense to me, and it always has. There have been two or three occasions where I have (not purposefully) consumed a small amount of flour. Also, I haven't been following the autoimmune protocol for these 60 days, so these are possibly the reasons that I haven't seen the massive health benefits that I expected to. To have to go even stricter confirms to me that I cannot and will not do this. Every meal time at the moment brings with it pangs of resentment, to go through this for the rest of my life and even worse is just not an option to me.

This all said, I have thoroughly enjoyed this experiment just because of the way that it has allowed me to test my mindfulness. In the past this experiment might have been a tortuous thing to do, but mindfulness has made it pretty simple actually. Whenever thoughts about food have arisen, then I have simply let them go again without getting involved in some inner battle that would have left me more angst-ridden and unhappy. There was always a slight question mark in my head about diet, and whether I should be following one. I am so much more at peace now that question has been anwered.

On Friday 17th May, I will wake up and celebrate with a cup of tea.

[equigems]

Thanks for sharing this, it's very interesting to me as I am new to Mindfulness and have also been considering The Paleo Diet

[JonW]

Hi equigems.
Welcome to the community. Please make yourself at home and join in any conversations that take your fancy.
All best, Jon

[FeeHutch]

Hi and welcome to the community
Let us know whether you make any decisions, we would love to know how you find either, both anything in between