When you haven't meditated what do you do

[Jenna]

Hi all

Hope you are all well. I've had a tricky day today and got really into grip of emotions. To the point that I upset my family with my negativity.

I tried to do a meditation and couldn't even manage 3 mins? Well my mind was all over the place.

So I guess my question is what do I do next?

Help! X

[Vixine]

I think you just try again! Some days are more difficult than others. But remember that even if one time you thought "hey, I can't even meditate because my mind is all over the place" then that was one moment of being mindful.

[Jenna]

Ok thank you

I know I've not been meditating long but I'm still getting very much caught up in the downward spiral v often

[JonW]

Also, when a meditation is proving challenging and you have a lot on your mind, try telling yourself, "This is what's happening for me right now." Then continue to sit rather than stop when it's proving difficult. You might find that the mind eventually settles.
As Vixine says, it's all about trying again, and again.

[Jenna]

Thanks Jon so much more practice needed. Especially not getting caught up

[JonW]

It's OK to get caught up. We all get caught up to one degree or t'other. Even Jon Kabat-Zinn gets caught up.
Getting caught up is part of the practice.
Noticing that you're getting caught up is a big part of the practice. If you notice a 100 times that you're caught up in your thoughts during a practice, that's 100 times you're being mindful.
Just keep practicing. Keep returning to your breath. Be kind to yourself. Notice the birds singing and the flowers blooming.
This moment is all we've got. That's an amazing thing.

[OmniPada]

Hi all

Hope you are all well.

Quite. And I hope my reply finds things are well with you.

I've had a tricky day today and got really into grip of emotions. To the point that I upset my family with my negativity.

I tried to do a meditation and couldn't even manage 3 mins? Well my mind was all over the place.

So I guess my question is what do I do next?

Help! X

What you're experiencing is common. So relax.

Ok, now relax with yourself just a little more because it really is normal to experience exactly what you're experiencing.

That's it, take a deep breath (no, a little deeper than that, come on now) and let it out slowly counting down to ten.

Ah, just a small dose of feeling settled. Now to your post.

It's good that in your reflection of the day you can see that your emotions were stirred, and that this created negativity and that lead to actions that upset others.

It's good to see the source, always to trace back to the source. The source doesn't lie. Every effect has a cause, and finding the causes gives you the wisdom to stop the effect.

In this case, some things disturbed you first. These things are what stirred up the emotions. Think about what is it about those initial things that stirred your emotions that really bother you. Pausing deeply, look into them clearly. Let your focus rest on them. See them exactly as they are. Are they really valid reasons? How much truth do they have? Are they things that maybe you can relax your grip on and let them be as they are and not have your emotions stirred?

A question for you to consider: How do you clear all the mud from muddy water?

Think about it for just a second before reading on.

...

...

...

...

You stop stirring it.

Likewise, you also clear your mind of afflictive thoughts and your body of afflictive emotions by putting down the focus on the object that is stirring them up.

Something triggers these emotions and you need to be sensitive to that. Through mindfulness, especially meditation, your sensitivity will increase, and along with it your ability to just slip your thoughts and emotions into neutral so you don't act while all of that chaos is rolling around inside.

It may require telling your family you need a moment and that you don't want to say anything wrong. And better to remain silent for a day than to pay for a damaged relationship for a month.

One thing I'd like to offer for your consideration. It seems you may think that meditation is a quick-fix pill. "I feel all emotionally stirred up, I'll take this blue meditation pill and be all better in 30 min". Meditation doesn't work like that, as you indicate in your post.

It's a cumulative effect. It's kind of like having a quart jar with a small hole in the bottom, and when you meditate you put maybe a tablespoon of water in. By the next day only a couple drops remain, but then you meditate again, and again and again. After a year maybe you have half a pint in there at all times and you really notice the difference in your mental and emotional states.

Of course these measurements are for example only. There's no such measurement, but the effect I'm describing is very similar. Look at meditating today to help yourself next month. Of course you can immediately see that just meditating today and then waiting a month won't have any affect at all, and that you'll want to meditate daily. But the cumulative effect really is that today's action has benefit later as you get more and more mindful and clarity.

Be patient with yourself

Meditation is as meditation does.

Meditation is the focusing of the mind on an object (typically the breath). It's not judging "good" or "bad" meditation. It's not wandering mind. It's not emotional feelings. Those things happen, but when they do "meditation is as meditation does" and since meditation is focusing on the breath (or object if you use something else), then we just bring focus back to breath when we realize it has wandered.

So when you're sitting there for 3 minutes or 3 hours, your mind will wander all over the place. So does mine. So does everyone who's alive. But meditation is as meditation does, so when the wandering is recognized you don't judge yourself (that also isn't meditation), instead you just put your focus back on the meditation and let go of whatever your mind had wandered to and all the negative thoughts you may have of judging yourself.

Just put the focus back on the breath. That's all that meditation is.

I discuss the three meditations I do and the "good" "bad" traps as well as a list more of them in my meditation video. I'd be honored if you'd watch it and give me feedback: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBf8KFSMMSg

Let me know if this helps, what your thoughts are in reading this, and if there's anything else I can help on.

[FeeHutch]

It's OK to get caught up. We all get caught up to one degree or t'other. Even Jon Kabat-Zinn gets caught up.
Getting caught up is part of the practice.
Noticing that you're getting caught up is a big part of the practice. If you notice a 100 times that you're caught up in your thoughts during a practice, that's 100 times you're being mindful.
Just keep practicing. Keep returning to your breath. Be kind to yourself. Notice the birds singing and the flowers blooming.
This moment is all we've got. That's an amazing thing.

Jon has done an excellent job of summing up what I was going to say.
I sometimes think it sounds clichéd but I do find it true that the only 'bad' meditation is the one you didn't do. letting go of the notion that sitting will make me feel any particular way and trying to achieve something rather than just accepting where I am is a challenge, especially if I'm not in a very good place. The more I accept the less I struggle though.

[piedwagtail91]

It's OK to get caught up. We all get caught up to one degree or t'other. Even Jon Kabat-Zinn gets caught up.
Getting caught up is part of the practice.
Noticing that you're getting caught up is a big part of the practice. If you notice a 100 times that you're caught up in your thoughts during a practice, that's 100 times you're being mindful.
Just keep practicing. Keep returning to your breath. Be kind to yourself. Notice the birds singing and the flowers blooming.
This moment is all we've got. That's an amazing thing.

sums it up nicely.

even when you think you've had a bad day there can be lot's of little positive things hidden away, that you don't always notice.

just noticing that your mind is all over the place is good.it's being aware, previously you may not even have known where your mind/awareness was, so thats progress.

it can take some time to change from old ways of coping to being mindful, but don't try to push yourself or strive to get there.
i felt stuck between the two for ages.
as jon says, just noticing the flowers and birds is being in the moment - mindful.
you are making progress, we can see that from your posts.
just try to relax and be in the moment , not necessarily sitting down meditating just aware of whats going on around you , and try to be kind and compassionate to yourself when you do notice things aren't as you'd like them to be.
i think you'll get there, but it does take time, you'll notice things, little things, more and more as you get further into meditating and working mindfulness into your everyday life.
one of the main things that can help is to not give yourself a hard time, be good to yourself.
when i was struggling at first, just as everyone does, i told my therapist i felt that i needed to get me on my side instead of always being against me, she very quickly agreed!

[JonW]

"You are making progress, we can see that from your posts."

I concur.
Talking of "progress" may seem like a contradiction when meditation is meant to be non-goal oriented.
My take on that, for what it's worth, is that it's important not to approach meditation itself with any specific goal in mind. But it's OK to stand back occasionally and assess the difference that meditation is making to one's life.
Because, let us be honest, we wouldn't continue to sit if meditation was making no difference whatsoever.
In other words, notions of "progress" are more reflective than anything. We don't sit with the idea of "I want to achieve X and Y with this meditation". But we might find ourselves thinking, "I feel so much lighter and less worried since I started meditating."
I'm not sure I've explained that very well. But there's a subtle and important difference between aiming to achieve something with meditation and realising that some progress has been made.