Impacts of starting regular meditation

[BioSattva]

Wow

Where can all this possibly go next Omni? Excluding selling t-shirts for your fan club, of course .

I'm sure there will be plenty of questions for you. Why not choose what you feel is a key aspect of your awakening - for example what you feel is separating your awakened state and the non-awakened state of others (hopefully short and brief for those of us with less time than you on our hands) and we can discuss that on a separate thread.

What happens when you socialise with people? Do you have people lining up outside your house and knocking on your door yet wishing to bathe in any tangible Buddha light? It sounds like you are heading for Gandhi status. Are you prepared for that?

Maybe you will be the Dalai Lama of the West?

Do you teach mindfulness classes yet? It sounds like you should. If not, do you plan to? What do you tend to do with your available time beyond any formal mindfulness practice?

[OmniPada]

I went ahead and replied to BioSattva here: http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3428

[Cheesus]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Your answers spoke what I knew in my heart but was questioning with my mind.

Life is so amazing sometimes, on my way home yesterday after writing the original post, I decided to listen to an Audio Dharma podcast I had downloaded. I usually listen to Gil Fronsdal but I decided to try someone new. The talk was titled Working with Judgment by Vinny Ferraro and it was so amazingly relevant for me at this moment in my life, I can't even believe it. He shared several quote about how when we first being being truly mindful, we find all of these dark ugly spaces inside of us we were ignoring before. And that that is good, and that is exactly where we need to be. He said "first, you have to wake up in prison". It was amazing that this talk addressed exactly what I needed at just the right moment.

If anyone is interested, it is a really good talk about the practice - here is the link or it's also on iTunes as a free podcast download
http://www.audiodharma.org/teacher/52/

This speaks volumes to me at the moment. I am becoming aware of the fact that perhaps I am not the person I thought I was. It can be a shock to the system indeed! I will certainly listen to that podcast

Cheesus

[Yoga Dharma]

So as I've mentioned in other posts I've just come back to minfulness after a long time of not meditating. I am starting light, with about 10 minutes of meditation a day and 15 minutes of yoga a day. This has been going for about 3 weeks and I've been feeling good about my commitment but trying not to strive too much, just making sure to sit each day and see where it leads.

And then, on Saturday morning I woke up pretty depressed. It only lasted for half a day and then I was back to normal, but it was pretty profound. I cried all morning, feeling very dissatisfied with my life and my marriage and my career, questioning all of the choices I've made in my life and feeling completely empty lost on what I want and even who I am.

Though I'm feeling better, this experience has stuck with me since then. Today I did an 8-minute guided meditation and afterwards I felt some similar sadness and emptiness, but much less intense. I can't help but think that it may be because of the regular meditation, that I am getting in touch with some things I've been ignoring and it's just a bit of a shock to start becoming more aware of these feelings? It's funny because I just said something to that effect here on the forum, in response to another person's post (that sometimes with meditation as with therapy it may get worse before it gets better) but then it hit me personally, days later, with quite a punch.

I guess I'm rambling a little, but I wonder if anyone knows the type of exprience I'm talking about, or had something similar when you began meditating regularly?

OK, if you really are practising mindfulness then whatever arises is observed, any emotional responses are also to be observed. Becoming attached to any of the experiences will only compound your current position and reinforce what you already believe. To undo existing patterns of behavior you must step back from the experiences and a then you can build a life you want rather than the one you have.

[FeeHutch]

Welcome to the community Yoga Dharma. I look forward to getting to know you and reading your contributions to these forums.

To undo existing patterns of behavior you must step back from the experiences and a then you can build a life you want rather than the one you have.

To me mindfulness is about being fully present in the life I have right now. I do totally agree about stepping back from experiences, being open to learning from them. I feel like that is one of the greatest gifts mindfulness has given me, is the ability to listen to my body and mind, to hear the repetitive thoughts, the emotions they carry and the way those thoughts and emotions affect my body. This understanding has helped make this life I have to be the one I want

[Cheesus]

To me mindfulness is about being fully present in the life I have right now. I do totally agree about stepping back from experiences, being open to learning from them. I feel like that is one of the greatest gifts mindfulness has given me, is the ability to listen to my body and mind, to hear the repetitive thoughts, the emotions they carry and the way those thoughts and emotions affect my body. This understanding has helped make this life I have to be the one I want

I think there is a subtle nuance here that I was asking about in my acceptance vs action thread* not too long ago. There is a difficulty in noticing when right now is just fine, and when you notice potentially self-destructive behaviours that are not so good.

I will take an example from my own current struggles to best show what I mean. I have recently been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. CFS is very difficult to deal with as it completely takes away your capacity to function. I cannot work or do many of the activities I used to find enjoyable. I spend most of my time in my flat, and only venture out for short walks to ensure that I do not fester.

In being mindful throughout all this, I am trying to find a balance between accepting what is currently happening to me: that I have a potentially life-long, or at least long-lasting, serious healthcare issue. This is a serious exercise in patience, acceptance, and non-judgement. I am still very much struggling with this, however I think a mindful approach to the illness is really the only thing I can do about it, particularly in terms of my mental health.

However, given that I have so much time on my hands, I have fallen into a rut of perpetually surfing the internet in order to find a 'cure' or 'treatment' that might rescue me from my situation. This action has actually severely diminished the quality of my day as it makes me feel bad and takes up a lot of my time that could be spent on enriching myself through reading, watching educating programs and meditating. Moreover, it is directly counterintuitive to my attempts to mindfully accept my situation. One challenge I am now encountering is that I need to be mindful of these compulsions to 'google', and that I ought to turn myself to more fulfilling endeavours.

So, there appears to be a juxtaposition between accepting my current state (that I am chronically ill) and trying to mindfully mould it to make the best of a bad situation. For me this is a careful balance between acceptance and action; between allowing my life to be what it is, whilst also attempting to ensure it is a life I want to lead.

Cheesus

* http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/for ... f=3&t=3441