Letting Go Of Striving

[FeeHutch]

I just wanted to share something I have noticed over the last few weeks.

I have posted before about using the Insight Timer app and how useful I have found it as a part of my formal practice. Recently I have been using Google Hangouts as part of a group who have 3 minute breathing spaces through out the day. Sometimes I am on my own when I log in, sometimes others are there. Sometimes I do use it as a breathing space for around 3 minutes but on others I sit for 20 minutes, 14 minutes or 8 - whatever feels right.

I had noticed that insight timer 'rewards' users with stars, milestones and stats. I was starting to strive for these things and sit for 5 minutes to to maintain my 'numbers' rather than because I noticed I wanted too. I haven't deleted the app because I do still find the timer option helpful, especially if I want to sit for a while before leaving for an appointment or to collect the children. But I am no longer striving to achieve something, I feel confident in my practice without the need to evidence it which is what I think was what was going on for me.

I am reading a lot at the moment around letting go of striving, acceptance and death. Realising this part of me in such detail is really helping and I wanted to share. Also, if anyone does have any suggestions for reading around these subjects please let me know.

Thanks.

[Gareth]

I've never used the app myself but getting stars for meditating seems to be completely against the principles of mindfulness. Maybe it helps people who are at the beginning of their practice and that's why they do it.

I just use the timer on my phone (I'm pretty sure all modern phones have these), because my life is busy, and I want to know how long I have meditated for. Besides, the perception of time is sometimes very strange when meditating.

[FeeHutch]

Yep that's what I'm finding. I guess awareness and understanding of this kind of thing comes as part of practicing and paying attention to what is going on individually?

[rara]

Hmmm, good point. Perhaps this is the next step in "taking stabilizers off"?

I'm a huge advocate of working towards unassisted/unguided meditations (in an non-striving fashion of course haha) Sounds like there is further progress with you!

[Vixine]

This is interesting, I hadn't really thought about it. I use Insight Timer but not for all of my meditations, because sometimes I do guided meditations. I was actually just thinking this morning I wish I could reset my account on IT b/c I went for a long time without meditating and my 'stats' show that I've meditated only 2% of days or something. Didn't even occur to me how this is connected with striving. I think striving is my major challenge with meditation. I strive to meditate 'well' and regularly, to feel benefits of meditation, along with striving for a host of other things in life... oh it is exhausting. Certainly don't need meditation achievements to add another layer. Thanks for posting as I'll be more aware of this from now on!

[FeeHutch]

Glad it seems to have helped.
It was definitely something that seemed to just come into clear focus one day for me