Sitting with intense tension

[LucidMind]

Hello all, it's my first post and i'm really glad I found this website!

I have been practicing mindfulness meditation for about 4 months. I meditate every day for 30 minutes. Lately, when I meditate, I get great feelings of internal tension. It feels like my body is screaming at me to get up and stop meditating. I can physically feel the tension in the core of my body, but I also feel it in my chest and arms. It is hard to describe, and I apologize if i'm not being descriptive enough. It gets very intense at points, assuages, and then comes back in greater force.

I should also note, as soon as I finish meditating the feeling completely vanishes...like magic!

Anybody here have similar experience or advice on this terrible feeling?

[BioSattva]

Hi LucidMind

I have had and still do have such experiences - it seems completely normal and part of the 'unfolding'.

Ultimately what we are doing when sitting is training our bodies to instinctively notice and dissolve tension - this is what unites the seated practice with the yoga, and taichi, etc.

We are often motivated to do certain unhealthy things - especially when on 'autopilot' by the buildup of tension, but without noticing it, and so there is no opportunity for it to dissolve. The tension can build from negative judgements, attachment to positive thoughts or feelings, traumatic memories, etc. It doesn't really matter what the cause is so much, it matters that the tension appears.

If you don't think it is a medical health issue, then using the calm, deep breath "deep below the surface of the mind" as a kind of relaxative slow internal 'massage' should help over time. If you are concerned that it could be a medical problem then please do get checked out.

All kinds of things have bubbled up during my more 'formal' seated mindfulness practice - things I had never considered were motivating me in the background of my mind, and those things were causing me to tense up. Normally, they were motivating me to continue unhealthy behaviours. I'm sure there is still lots more to come.

This article mentions something about this - Decoding the Body Watcher (Scientific American, April 3rd, 2012):

For some, turning attention inward can be distressing, because it may tune us into emotions that are not comfortable. However, constantly distracting ourselves through attention turned outwards will not remove those underlying emotions. By learning to engage with them through our dedicated interoceptive awareness, we may experience the first signs of healing. Research conducted in our laboratory with veterans suffering from trauma is also showing this to be true. Though the veterans are at first wary of being present with the emotions, feelings and memories that can arise during their first yoga, yogic breathing, and meditation practice, they report that over time those distressing inner experiences start to actually wane and heal. Best of all, they feel empowered. No longer reliant on drugs or a therapist, they have learned to use their own breath to regain control of their lives.

[FeeHutch]

Hello LucidMind and welcome to our community
I have experienced similar sometimes during my sitting meditations. Sometimes I think it is because I still struggle to allow myself to be fully present and not actively doing anything. I deal with it by noticing that is what is going on for me. I don't mentally berate myself, I am compassionate and it may not banish the feelings but they do seem less consuming. I always think of this as being the monkey mind and for me that helps me a lot.

[JonW]

Hi Lucidmind,
Welcome to the forum.
May I ask what kind of meditation you are doing? That's to say, do you sit for meditation? Do you lie flat and practice the body scan? Do you use guided meditation CDs? Do you practice yoga?

[LucidMind]

Hi Lucidmind,
Welcome to the forum.
May I ask what kind of meditation you are doing? That's to say, do you sit for meditation? Do you lie flat and practice the body scan? Do you use guided meditation CDs? Do you practice yoga?

Thanks for the welcome JonW! Yes, I do seated mindfulness of breathing meditation. I sit on a chair, make sure my back is straight and postured, put my hands on my lap, and focus my attention on the sensation of breath going in and out of my nostrils. I don't use guided mediation or practice yoga (although I am very physically active), though I did learn my meditation practice from reading a variety of different books.

[LucidMind]

Hi LucidMind

I have had and still do have such experiences - it seems completely normal and part of the 'unfolding'.

Ultimately what we are doing when sitting is training our bodies to instinctively notice and dissolve tension - this is what unites the seated practice with the yoga, and taichi, etc.

We are often motivated to do certain unhealthy things - especially when on 'autopilot' by the buildup of tension, but without noticing it, and so there is no opportunity for it to dissolve. The tension can build from negative judgements, attachment to positive thoughts or feelings, traumatic memories, etc. It doesn't really matter what the cause is so much, it matters that the tension appears.

If you don't think it is a medical health issue, then using the calm, deep breath "deep below the surface of the mind" as a kind of relaxative slow internal 'massage' should help over time. If you are concerned that it could be a medical problem then please do get checked out.

All kinds of things have bubbled up during my more 'formal' seated mindfulness practice - things I had never considered were motivating me in the background of my mind, and those things were causing me to tense up. Normally, they were motivating me to continue unhealthy behaviours. I'm sure there is still lots more to come.

Hi BioSattva! I am in my twenties and very physically healthy, so I really don't think it is a medical problem. I do have pretty bad anxiety though (mainly caused by a close family member having cancer). do you think it can be related to the tension I feel during my practice?

[LucidMind]

Hello LucidMind and welcome to our community
I have experienced similar sometimes during my sitting meditations. Sometimes I think it is because I still struggle to allow myself to be fully present and not actively doing anything. I deal with it by noticing that is what is going on for me. I don't mentally berate myself, I am compassionate and it may not banish the feelings but they do seem less consuming. I always think of this as being the monkey mind and for me that helps me a lot.

Thanks for the warm welcome Fee! It's good to know that there is somebody in the same boat as me.

[BioSattva]

do you think it can be related to the tension I feel during my practice?

Absolutely.

Have you had any face-to-face time with a mindfulness meditation teacher and discussed this with them? Just the communicated conviction and relative emotional stability of such a person can work wonders in my experience.

[LucidMind]

do you think it can be related to the tension I feel during my practice?

Absolutely.

Have you had any face-to-face time with a mindfulness meditation teacher and discussed this with them? Just the communicated conviction and relative emotional stability of such a person can work wonders in my experience.

Hmmm, I have not...but that sounds like a great idea! Do you think I could bring it up to MBSR class teacher when I start it?

[JonW]

I'm just wondering if the body scan might work for you. Please feel free to ask for more information. There's some excellent guided body scans available for free online.