Relapse or progress?

[rara]

Sorry I've not been around for a while. Suddenly I realised that I was sitting a little too much and was losing out on practice in other things...like my music and work etc! Being sat in bliss for and hour is beautiful but and hour is an hour! I don't think the universe always wants me to take an hour...

So I drilled focus into me in a different way and decided to use my mindfulness more in every day things to get results rather than sitting to escape. An interesting experiment, and it works! Yaaaaay.

But it's easy to slip. Yesterday I caught myself getting irritable and fragile (being hurt by words! Yeah, me!) as I was tired. This morning, still snappy (though still able to refrain from yelling at people)

Funny, sometimes my angry self is the better one as it gets stuff done and people listen. I get my way. Maybe it's just my industry or the world outside in general. I always say as a rule of thumb, he who shouts the loudest is the one who is heard.

It's ok, all is under control to a degree, but I've had some close encounters where I've nearly exploded at some people...which I don't want to resort to.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can manage to maintain my "authority" without going all Gordon Ramsay on people? It's the music industry more than anything. A lot of egos and angry heads in here!

[Gareth]

This is a tough one Dave.

I think it's important to try and and practice all the time, because as you say, meditation would otherwise be escapism, and I don't think its supposed to be. But you have to be able to do your job effectively to put food on the table. I will be interested to see what some more experienced meditators suggest.

I am going to put this topic on Twitter straight away, to see if anyone has advice.

[JonW]

If you work in the music industry, I'm not surprised you get a tad fraught at times!
The subject of anger and mindfulness is an interesting one.
I possess a very long fuse but I do feel angry from time to time. I endeavour to notice the anger building inside me, ask myself why I'm feeling that way, then decide what I'm going to do about it. It's not far removed from the time-honoured "count to ten" approach.
Ideally, rather than blast off at someone, I would choose my words carefully but attempt to make my point. So, rather than cause a commotion, I would gently try to explain to the person why I'm upset/angry. I'm not saying it works every time, mind.

[rara]

Yeah, it's funny. It's like I require a fair amount of aggression in order to a) fit in and b) make an impression.

Maybe there is a difference between anger and aggression

The problem is, when I was getting lost in my meditation practice, I noticed that outside I was being too soft...and losing out because of it.

I guess I could also "act" angry, rather than "be" angry in these circumstances. Like I say, sometimes I need to side with an angry artist. They need to get what they want (as do I when I'm going out as the artist - and the industry is horribly corrupt so you have to fight for everything!) I've tried usual "customer service" techniques before but if I don't show I'm as fuming as they are, then they then question if I'm on their side! Calming these people down isn't an option....they're ROCK STARS (in their heads) so it's all smash smash to them! Haha

[JonW]

Sounds like an exhausting way to live though.

[rara]

I'm starting to feel that awakening more and more will take me out of this industry sooner or later...and it wouldn't be a major loss to me.

[BioSattva]

I'm starting to feel that awakening more and more will take me out of this industry sooner or later...and it wouldn't be a major loss to me.

This was what I thought straight away when I read your OP - the industry (I am acquainted with the more extreme sides of your industry via family and friends), the job, etc., can be 'toxic' in many ways. Running away from toxicity isn't really going to help, however - well, not unless one can't help but consume it and one needs to seek refuge elsewhere. There are toxins around and within us wherever we go.

Using the toxicity as a 'pressure test' for your practice - carrying some of that bliss off the cushion and into the world - can be a proactive strategy - using 'skillful means' to keep unhealthy tension in and around you down to a minimum - polishing up the positive, and letting the negative whither and die.

I am in an office with some serious 'characters' - uncomfortable and unwelcomed physical stuff even - and I find it all good "grist for the mill' as Charlotte Joko Beck would put it, as well as the subway ride to and from home every day also (a Chinese subway ride, too - which is a whole other thing). I look forward to a time when I don't have to deal with such intense situations - a better job, a better living environment, and yet I haven't been present at a birth yet, or had someone potentially dying in my arms, or chopped off a finger accidentally. Unfortunately I don't have the privilege of definitely being able to avoid all those things, and so what am I to do? - I need to practice being OK with whatever life throws up - with 'what is' happening right now. Otherwise my baby might not be born properly, or someone might die, or I might not get to a hospital in time to get my finger sewn back on. Those kinds of traumatic things, if suffered, don't tend to easily disappear from our minds, from what I have gathered...

Opportunities for practice are everywhere - use them; turn garbage/compost into beautiful flowers as Thich Nhat Hanh would say. Test yourself in stages: "Can I remain relaxed and not tense when I think about that person who made me angry?"... "Can I remain relaxed and not tense when I know I am going to see that person soon?".... "Can I remain.., etc., when that person is in front of me?"..."..when they are driving me crazy?"... etc, etc. Watch, notice, allow for dissolving of tension, and repeat. That's how I approach these things. There is never relapse - each apparent failure is a new drop of insight added to one's pool of wisdom.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can manage to maintain my "authority" without going all Gordon Ramsay on people? It's the music industry more than anything. A lot of egos and angry heads in here!

Practice what you preach - you need consistency and fairness. You are in a priviledged position if you have authority - it is not a birth right. If people feel inferior then they will seek superiority in some way to compensate, and that will start the whole boat rocking. Just like for MBSR you need consistent discipline and equanimity; I think this is the only solution. If your practice regurgitates your job role, then this is what is right for you at whatever time. Again, Joko Beck refers to mindfulness as being 'The Master'. If one makes anything else one's master instead of mindfulness; career, spouse, drugs, whatever, then be prepared for The Master to totally freak out and make life hell. In reality of course, The Master is our true nature; our true self.

All the best,

Bio.

[Jenna]

Hi

I am a newbie to all this so may be talking rubbish and at times wish I could take my own advice but one thing struck me when I was reading.

Is it worth looking into assertiveness? I also agree that you may be 'acting' rather than 'feeling angry.

[rara]

@Bio Yes, I completely agree with all of what you have said...and the fact that worse situations are inevitably ahead of me, and out of my control, certainly does help me deal with this

But the fact of the matter is, as opposed to running away, I feel I would be somewhat progressing. I feel to an extent that I have forced a lot of this industry on myself, which is sort of funny as many people crave to obtain such things and never do! But thank you for giving your time and being that reminder that compost and garbage can be turned into beautiful flowers!

@Jenna , yes assertiveness is important here. Just I guess sometimes I really can't be bothered :s

[rara]

I'm starting to feel that awakening more and more will take me out of this industry sooner or later...and it wouldn't be a major loss to me.

Running away from toxicity isn't really going to help, however - well, not unless one can't help but consume it and one needs to seek refuge elsewhere. There are toxins around and within us wherever we go.

I have actually been thinking about this a lot over the last couple of days, and yes, the toxins are around us everywhere. But in some other places, to less extremes. We have the power of choice, so why not use it? If a woman works in an office that is practically full of sexist males, she would be wise to leave the job and find something that was more fitting.

What I'm saying is as I grow, I see and industry which I am falling out of love with very fast. I still love certain aspects of it, such as creating art, but elements that I am involved in at the moment seem pointless to me.

Fish out of water maybe...that old chestnut.