Worsening anxiety and depression

[Moonshadow]

Hi Wisehedgecrone

I'm fairly new to Mindfulness and very new to this forum so I don't know how useful my post will be! I also started practising Mindfulness to try and help with depression. Mindfulness was recommended to me by a psychologist who was helping me to deal with PTSD symptoms. To begin with I was pretty dismissive, I wanted solutions and Mindfulness seemed too passive to me. However I did eventually begin to try it and found if nothing else, it could help with calming down the tendency to ruminate.

I'm currently waiting to see a CBT therapist again as I'm struggling with low mood. I recently bought 'The Mindful Way through Depression' which is co-authored by Jon Kabat-Zinn and although am only part way through it I think it could help guide someone struggling with depression. It helps explain how past events create a default thought pattern, so although you may feel your life isn't tough enough to warrant how you're feeling at the minute, any feelings of sadness or anxiety can trigger the memory of how you have felt in the past. It feels inevitable that if you feel a little anxious it will descend into deeper depression because that is what has happened in the past.

I think it can be hard to understand the concept that there is no right or wrong way to practice Mindfulness, it's something I struggle with too. I am currently trying to carry out an activity Mindfully each day. Yesterday it was walking to the metro - I listened to the birds, felt the cool air on my face, felt my muscles working to get me there etc. I was aware of feeling melancholy but instead of then descending into negative self talk I tried to let myself feel it and breath into it - if felt like a heaviness and as I breathed into that I felt my muscles relax a little, I was tense without knowing it. It helped to quieten the racing thoughts that I had set off with. Today I showered Mindfully, felt the warm water, the feel of the rough scrunchie, heard the falling water. Again I felt calmer.

I often find my mind wandering when trying this but whereas in the past I would have berated myself for not staying focused, I now try to tell myself that in recognising that my mind wanders I am able to bring it back to the task in hand. Some days are easier than others, some days I don't want to try, it feels pointless, but I give it a go even if it is only for a few minutes. Sometimes those little steps start to add up.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do think there is hope, and that Mindfulness can help. I think it does take effort and that it can be hard to motivate to stick with it, but that the benefits can be incremental. I do also think that sometimes it's only part of the answer, and that sometimes we need extra tools be, that medication or support from a therapist.

For what it's worth I don't have a set routine, I don't do the same Mindful activity each day, nor do I do it at the same time each day. If something feels helpful, such as the bodyscan when in bed (I like that one too!) then perhaps it's worth using that one more often?

Take care

[rara]

Hi,

Some good points above and I honestly hope that you persist because honestly, it's the only way. But I'm going to go down a different route...please hear this out.

First, you've worried yourself about not doing it right...here you've already identified the route of your anxiety. CBT and medication are methods that can aid you for temporary relief, but the only truth is that, you're only becoming dependent on something to take you away from something that you think is controlling you.

What you're missing is a strong mantra to alter your belief system. This is going to be a process that you need to be patient with, but I am convinced that you can do this. It starts here...you need to start to ask yourself some questions during meditation. Ask yourself, why would you allow something external control you?

Mindfulness is like everything else in life...you learn to crawl, walk, talk, do maths and spell, to take exams, to manage your time and take further exams, to look for a job etc. Think of this as your learning to crawl...only that, there is no pressure to get you into school at a certain age.

"Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp." - Thomas Edison

Never give up. You can PM me for some 1-2-1 advice. I used to believe I was and angry guy, depressed, the world had it in for me and that I had a medical problem called anxiety/insomnia. These days, I believe I will change the world for the better.

[ourmeal]

I used to believe I was and angry guy, depressed, the world had it in for me and that I had a medical problem called anxiety/insomnia. These days, I believe I will change the world for the better.

inspiring rara! thank you.

nick

[annanotbob]

Hi wisehedgecrone

I'm also a crone, also have long term depression and have also struggled to stay focused during meditation, especially when very low (and most in need). I hope it's OK to say here that I have found chanting along with a mantra youtube clip is much easier and leaves me feeling peaceful. My favourite is (but since I last watched it there's a brief but noisy ad stuck on the front)

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/hLcyJ3qNcGg?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I had to write the words out and read them the first time. This is a mantra to remove obstacles from one's path and the words form a prayer of thanks for obstacles that have already been removed.

I'm not arguing against mindfulness here at all, just trying to offer a hand to a fellow sufferer. Wishing you peace, Anna x

[Gareth]

You are more than welcome to mention mantra here. It is a form of mindfulness meditation in my book! Whatever works for the individual is what I believe. See my topic in the long time meditators section.

Gareth

[rara]

@ourmeal Thanks, pleasure.

@Garteth Yes, I too believe that mantra is the medicine here. If you can't say it in your head, say it out load...and to an extent, brainwash oneself...it may take a while, but it takes a while to reach the end of this life cycle anyway

[Eugene]

Hi Wisehedgecrone,
To cure anxiety and depression talk with your family members and close friends and share your problems. Engage yourself in daily physical activity and start exercises and practice yoga. Accept the things you cannot change, try not to worry and remember to laugh. Get enough sleep and quit alcohol, smoking and caffeine.

[FeeHutch]

Thank you for those useful suggestions Eugene. I would just add though that the best person to advise on medical issues is your GP.
Mindfulness has helped many users with anxiety and depression but your GP will hopefully have a fuller understanding of your health both physical and mental. If talking and sharing problems with your family and friends is not an option they may be able to refer you for counselling if appropriate and you will always find a listening ear here too. They will also be able to discuss exercise options and any diet modifications that are right for you.

[piedwagtail91]

hi ,
i'm new to the forum. i got an email from another new member so had a look and decided to join up.
i did the 8 week mindfulness course a couple of years ago. i basically lied at my assessment and went in pretty suicidal. i'd been on anti depressants for 26 years and had had enough of the medical profession and everything else too if i'm honest.
but it worked for me and now i do voluntary work on the therapy sessions with my ex therapist who's now my mentor.

i recently found this ebook http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/dont-hesitate-meditate which is a light hearted but very informative look at meditation.
it does contain some mild swearing but it's funny and informative.
i think it tells it as it is regarding meditation.
it's not very long and is available free in about 4 formats.
i don't think mindfulness makes your problems or thoughts go away, it helps you see them differently and gives you a breathing space so that you can respond, see thoughts as thoughts and not facts.
but it takes practice and patience.
i've just been through several weeks of serious depression as a result of trying to take too much work on.
but this time i've been (just about!!) able to take a step back, see what was real and see what was the depression 'talking'.
it wasn't easy or pleasant but it was manageable by using what i've learned from mindfulness .
it's difficult when you're just starting with the worries about how much meditation and the am i doing this right thoughts.
have a read of the book, it doesn't take very long and it may put your mind at rest.
there are lots of good free guided meditations on youtube. or on the freemindfulness website
my mentor has put all of ours on youtube.
i always return to those when things get difficult.
most of the time i just make up my own, i had to do that as part of my volunteering, but someone else's guidance makes things a lot easier when times are difficult.

[JonW]

Hi piedwagtail,
Thanks for that inspirational post. It's great to hear how mindfulness has helped someone through tough times.
I'll check out the ebook. Sounds interesting.
All good things, Jon