Hi Everyone

[deltahotel66]

Hi from a new guy,

I've been having a browse around the site here for a couple of days now and I have basically been "inspired" if you like, to speak up and say hello. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, have done for almost 30 years now, so I can relate to some of the post's I've read from other members. Mindfulness wasn't something I'd heard of until my, at the time, mental health worker suggested I look into the idea last summer and back then, I basically told her I couldn't "get my head around it". So, that was that. A few weeks ago I was just wandering around YouTube and I somehow came across some mindfulness videos, watched a couple and I have been *sort of* practicing here and there. I say *sort of* because I, for whatever reason, seem to be an Olympic level procrastinator and the mere suggestion of entering into some kind of structured practice sends me into a tailspin of avoidance, usually with whatever triviality is nearest to hand.

However, I have to say, I am intrigued. Allow me to expand a little further. I am not sure whether or not it is coincidental but since engaging in my *sort of* practices, I am finding myself more and more calm and I feel, albeit fleetingly, a sense of inner peace I have not experienced before. For so many years I have been at war with my inner demons, demons that have taken me to places of hopelessness and despair the likes of which I would not wish on another soul. And yet, with only a few, brief, *sort of* practices, I can feel a tangible difference.

Now, my skeptical voice is far from convinced and is advising I baton down the hatches whilst awaiting the return of said demons. This advice would have previously been enough to have me running for the hills but right now, for some unknown reason, I am not running anywhere. Believe me, for anyone that knows me in person, this is so significant to be off any scale of measurement.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying for one moment I am no longer depressed or anxious, I am saying, that after almost 30 years, a few *sort of* practices of trying to calmly focus my mind on my breath, I *can* notice a difference the likes of which I have *never* experienced from any other attempt at lessening my symptoms.

Life changing stuff? Perhaps, perhaps not. Time will tell, especially if I don't enter any formal practice and keep sneaking the odd *sort of* practice in under the radar. For now it appears to be working.....

Thank you for reading and I'm looking forward to meeting you all

Take care
Delta

[Gareth]

Hi Delta,

Thank you so much for sharing. It's brave of you to post how you are feeling; I for one appreciate it.

I would say that the key thing to bear in mind here is: no pressure. Why don't you keep *sort of* practising and see where it takes you? We will be here to support you every step of the way. Practise whenever it feels right. Even a few minutes a day would help you I'm sure.

Gareth

[FeeHutch]

Hi Delta
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting
I just want to echo what Gareth has already said really, there is no pressure here and as I am sure you have already spotted in different threads on the boards, different things work (or don't) for each of us.
I look forward to getting to know you better.
Fiona

[rara]

Hey there,

I look forward to helping you on your journey...and maybe likewise?! I hear exactly where you're coming from.

[deltahotel66]

Hello again and a sincere thanks to the people who replied to my introduction. I understand that trying to force myself to be mindful is not how mindfulness operates, my understanding is that it's a non judgemental state of trying to compassionately observe the mind and all that my mind contains without any attachment to any particular element or thought.

Currently, I am only able to focus on my breath for a few moments at a time before my mind does what the mind does and wanders off. I am okay with this, I appreciate that this is normal. The main reason I am doing the *sort of * practising is that I am finding it easier for me than trying to set up a formal routine of a set time of day to practice, perhaps that will come with time.

I try to focus on the breath at all different times of the day and during a variety of activities, I just try to keep myself in that moment and just observe what *is*, of course, the extent to which I am able to do this is varied but brief for the most part. As I said, I am okay with this, I am not expecting anything profound to happen from a few brief moments of practice, that's just unrealistic, but as I mentioned in my introduction, the odd seconds of inner peace are tangible enough for me to acknowledge that maybe there is a tiny possibility of a pin prick of light off ahead somewhere, a way out of this nightmare and that is enough for now, a little hope is worth more to me than winning the lottery.

Thanks again, it's sincerely appreciated.

Delta

[JonW]

Hi Deltahotel.
I'm new here too.
I started practicing mindfulness mediation ten weeks ago. Like you I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years.
I started reading the Mark Williams/Danny Penman book and began practicing meditation using their audio CD for guidance.
I now meditate daily for as long as I feel comfortable. Sometimes twenty minutes, sometimes for an hour.
The difference it has made to my life already is incalculable. I still feel anxious and I still get depressed but those feelings are now manageable. When I first read that "you are not your thoughts" I didn't get it at all. Through meditation I do get it. And it's a revelation for me as I have been at the mercy of my thought stream most of my life.
I've just started an eight-week mindfulness course in my town (Brighton, UK) and I'm loving it. It's been great to experience meditation in a group setting with a wonderful teacher (Nick Diggins).
I wish you all good things, JonW

[Gareth]

Hi Jon,

Thank you so much for joining the forum. I really look forward to your contributions. Welcome to the journey of mindfulness. It's a beautiful and never-ending journey. I hope that it can bring some peace to your life; I would be amazed if it didn't.

Tell your teacher and your fellow students about this forum. Let's create a community based around this practice that can bring peace to people's lives.

[JonW]

Aww. Thanks for the welcome, Gareth.
I'm ten weeks in and my life has changed. I'm loving the adventure.
So glad I found this forum.
"Let's create a community based around this practice that can bring peace to people's lives."
I could not agree more, mate.
Anything I can do to spread the word I surely will.
I work as a journalist, for various newspapers. I've been thinking recently about approaching The Guardian about doing a piece on mindfulness. If that comes off, I'll give the forum a big plug, assuredly.
Just need to think about the best way to approach the piece.
Anyway, thanks again for the warm welcome.
All good things, jonW

[FeeHutch]

Hi Jon
Welcome to the forum
Your enthusiasm reminds me so much of the way I felt by the time I had completed the 10 week programme.

It would be great if you could help spread the word too.
Looking forward to getting to know you!
Fiona

[larorra]

Hi Delta,

Welcome to the forum where you will meet like-wise mindful people and get lots of tips and support to Help you on your mindfulness journey! All i can add is stick at it you've nothing to lose and it doesnt matter how long you practice be it formal or informal, i personally find walking meditation works for me (i walk alot) so all the best!