Do we choose our thoughts?

[Spikeycloud]

'I’m thinking of doing a ayahuasca retreat soon. Because I’m not be able to tackle this problem myself, or the regular health care so far. It will be a difficult experience but I heard a lot of positive stories about it.'

That is not something I'd recommend if you are feeling fragile in any way. Ayahuasca, so I've heard, can be a very positive experience but I know people who have had utterly terrifying experiences on it.
It's definitely not the kind of thing you plunge into in the hope that it will alleviate extreme anxiety.
Jon

Hi Jon,

I'm aware that it will be a difficult experience – but I think it is very necessary to face my inner demons. I’m still strongly identified with horrible thoughts and almost all my thoughts are negative, confusing. And that alone is a terrible way to live. Mindfulness and regular healthcare just don’t do the trick for me - and if this has not been working for 4 years I need to be realistic.

There is probably an insane amount of subconscious mess that need to be cleared. I know in another trip that all those horrible thoughts stem from a core belief that I think I’m not good enough. Which had probably caused in my childhood and had build upon many, many layers of false and negative beliefs. Mindfulness can’t fix that. You can remove your focus from it and stay in the now - but those thoughts, bad emotions and experiences are always coming back. It doesn’t change the root cause of the problem is just ignoring it by focusing on the now (which doesn’t even work with me)

[JonW]

'There is probably an insane amount of subconscious mess that need to be cleared.'

I understand that. But what makes you think an ayahuasca retreat is the answer?
Have you spoken to people who have been on such a retreat? I have, and the reactions are a mixed bag, ranging from 'enlightening' to 'terrifying'.
All best,
Jon

[DaveSearbyMason]

hello Spikeycloud . . . .You wrote : "But watching negative thoughts shortly - and then being completely identified with them every few seconds is not very fun. Esp all the negative feelings". I am sorry you are in pain. Mindfulness might or might not help. As others have said, the practice is not really about controlling thoughts, therefore, not really about lessening their impact. It is about seeing them, and over time, the act of seeing them renders them transparent. At this stage, their impact might lessen. But it may not. What is "underneath" your thoughts? What really causes the "not fun"? It has been said : 'as a finger cannot touch itself, as a blade cannot cut itself, so, a thought cannot see itself'. The mind might not be visible, what causes the "not fun", might not be visible. It's as if you are sitting by a river. You become aware of small waves lapping against the river bank. A boat has gone by and you can see the wash but the boat has gone out of sight. Thoughts are like the wash, we see them but not the cause. We see the effects of the mind but not the mind itself. With Mindfulness, over time, the effects, the thoughts become transparent. At this time, their impact might lessen. Its not just thoughts here though, memories and feelings too. You have a thought that causes "not fun", I would recommend focussing on the feeling of "not fun". 'Stare' at that feeling. These feelings too can become transparent. Good luck

[Spikeycloud]

Hi guys long time not spoken.

At the current moment I'm in therapy – and after 2 months of digging and talking we might have some patterns that don’t serve me. First of all its very clear that I believe on an unconscious level that I’m not good enough. And that I’m extremely critical of myself too – like I need to improve – and I can’t accept myself the way I am now.

I was wondering how I can intregrate more self acceptance in my mindfuless sessions. I have to be honest that I have not done it very often last few months. But I want to try to do twice a day but then for 5-10 minutes.
Any tips for this?

[JonW]

Hi Spikey,
Good to hear from you again.
I'd highly recommend a course of mindful self-compassion. Best done with a qualified teacher but it can be done via a book with guided meditations. Check out Sharon Salzberg or Christopher Germer.
Best wishes,
Jon

[Spikeycloud]

Hi Spikey,
Good to hear from you again.
I'd highly recommend a course of mindful self-compassion. Best done with a qualified teacher but it can be done via a book with guided meditations. Check out Sharon Salzberg or Christopher Germer.
Best wishes,
Jon

I already found some guided mentiation of sharon on youtube, going to try those out thank you!