Beginner looking for advice

[Aarron]

Hi,

I recently discovered the topic of Mindfulness and its something that interests me greatly. I am currently reading the Finding peace in a frantic world book but I have some questions about finding peace immediately.

I am currently being treated for depression and anxiety having gone through a breakup after 12years together, it has been really difficult and my mind races with thoughts on this topic all day. I have turned to Mindfulness to try and find peace but at this moment in time I'm finding it difficult to focus. I am due to start CBT and Counselling soon.

What I am looking for is any instant Mindefulness tips or practices you can give me to help me cope through the day. I have started focusing on my breathing so that I am in the present and try this when I find my mind racing.

Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

[JonW]

Hi Aarron,
Welcome to Everyday Mindfulness. Please feel free to make yourself at home here on the forum.
Mindfulness is not a quick fix. It takes time, patience, commitment, self-compassion. The rewards are massive, as many on this forum will testify.
But, if you look to mindfulness as an immediate respite from your pain, it's likely to prove counter-productive
As hard as it is for you right now, try to take your time with this. Mindfulness will not be rushed. It keeps its own hours.
You're in good hands with the Frantic World book. Do follow it to the letter, at least as closely as you can. In the meantime, you'll get plenty of support here on the forum. We're a friendly bunch and will always do out best to help, whenever we can.
Stick with it.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

[Aarron]

Hi Jon,

Many thanks for your reply. I know I'm being impaitent but I will follow your advice.

I understand it will take time, I was just hoping there was some meditation techniques I could quickly learn to help me settle. The book seems great so far, the whole topic of Mindfulness seems huge so I am just in the process of learning the basics at the moment.

Thanks again

[JonW]

Hi Aarron,
What stage are you at with Finding Peace In A Frantic World? If you've started week one, you would presumably be practicing daily using the CD of guided meditations.
I forgot to mention that we have a thread devoted to the 8-week course using Finding Peace In A Frantic World. viewtopic.php?f=21&t=3456
There's some good advice there. But please feel free to ask any questions that arise.
Impatience is perfectly normal at the start by the way. It's perfectly understandable that you would want to find some peace immediately. But it does take a little time for anyone to ground themselves in the practice. Again, self-compassion is vital to the process. You need to be kind to yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Wishing you all the best on your mindfulness journey.
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[Aarron]

Thank you so much for that link. I have started reading most threads within this forum and am just finding my way.

I have just done the experiment with the raisin and am about to start week 1 (I am planning it for Monday). I am really looking forward to it as I hope it has the impact on my life that it has on others.

Thank you for your replies, this forum seems to be a very friendly place

[JonW]

My pleasure, Aarron.
And so the journey begins…
If anything, try to bring an open-mined awareness to each meditation. We're not looking for anything special to happen. If your mind is all over the place when you meditate at this stage, just be with that, and bring the attention back to the breath.
Do let us know how you're getting on.
Best wishes,
Jon

[KathleenH]

Hi Aarron

Welcome to mindfulness.

I've come to this from a similar place to yourself, the breakup of a 13 year relationship. As the very wise Jon said, this is not a quick fix solution but it can be a very long lasting one.

I think you have to ride out the emotions that are rushing around following the breakup, you have to experience them and accept them. It is a perfectly natural, valid state to be in, you have been through a tough time and things are upside down, you dont have to feel great all the time. Sometimes bad things happen and you will feel like rubbish but this is okay, it wont last forever and you will feel better but it wont happen overnight so dont try to force the feeling, if you relax into the emotion and stop fighting it, it will subside. My breakup was just over 2 years ago and it took a long time to get over, I tried to force myself to feel better but ended up feeling worse as I got frustrated, as soon as I stopped fighting and let the feelings wash over me I started to feel calmer.

Continue the daily practices and take your time. Gradually you will find peace and calm but it will be gradual and subtle. I wrote a piece about this, you can find it on the front page - From Chaos to Calm, I hope you find it helpful.

Be kind to yourself and if you want to feel sad and down then go ahead, it is a natural emotion and there is nothing wrong with feeling it.

Take care and we are here to help

K

[JonW]

Great post Kathleen.
One of the things that causes us enormous suffering is not wanting to be with the thought or the feeling that is presently there. So we do what we've always done - we push it away, we fight with it, we distract ourselves from it with any number of things, some of them harmful.
Mindfulness suggests an alternative way: being with whatever is present.
When we tell ourselves, "I can't bear this, I can't cope," we fail to notice that we are already coping with what has arisen. What we find unbearable is not this moment, it's the next moment and the moment after that. It's the thought that this feeling is going to persist, even intensify.
With mindfulness we learn to be curious about what is being thought, what is being felt, where we are right now. We learn slowly but surely to turn towards rather than turn away. In the turning towards, we might find that whatever it was that was causing us so much discomfort has dissolved, or moved on. With this comes a certain peace of mind. But that takes time to cultivate.
For now, just take each meditation as it comes and approach it with an open mind and an open heart. Be patient with yourself. Be compassionate towards yourself.
Cheers,
Jon

[IanR]

But that takes time to cultivate.
For now, just take each meditation as it comes and approach it with an open mind and an open heart. Be patient with yourself. Be compassionate towards yourself.
Cheers,
Jon

I couldn't have put it better myself. Compassion to the self is key for me, and this is something i think in general people find difficult. Aarron, consistency is paramount and probably the most difficult to adhere to, and that's where patience comes in - for me anyway.

[JonW]

It's natural at the start to expect quick results from mindfulness. We've either read great things about it or people we know have told us how transformative it's been in their lives.
Also, most of us come to mindfulness because we want something to change in our lives - we want to feel less anxious, less depressed, we want to feel less pain…
With patience and self-compassion, we come to see that mindfulness isn't about quick fixes, nor is it actually about getting anywhere. It's about being with what is. The way we're feeling right now, right this moment, that feeling has already arrived. Whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, it's already here. We can't change the moment that's already arrived. But a good deal of our lives seems to be spent wishing away the present moment, wishing for an entirely different moment.
As Pema Chodron says, "Meditation is not about getting out of ourselves or achieving something better. It’s about getting in touch with what you already are."
Getting in touch with what we already are - that's what this is all about.
It's a wonderful adventure.
May it be as it is.
Jon