FPIAFW - Week 1: Waking Up to the Autopilot

[Gareth]

When I first started I did find it helpful to deliberately set myself up to do practice. I took myself off somewhere, asked my husband and children to leave me alone. I didn't take my mobile and unplugged the telephone in the room I was in. I found that with practice I reached a stage where I could (and still do) practice in a room full of people if I wanted to.

It was like this for me too. It used to be that I could only practise with zero distractions, and I used to get annoyed when I did get interrupted. Over time though, it gets easier and easier to practise. Like Fee, I could now practise in a crowded room, or at a bus stop, or while sat on the toilet. In fact, these days, I find that 'non-normal situations can actually make my practice stronger and more versatile.

[JonW]

"...or while sat on the toilet."
Nice image!

[Poeci]

Hi all. I hope bumping this thread is ok. I have just started reading FPIAFW. I have a long history of depression and anxiety, and having just had about a year healthy I recently felt myself starting to relapse again which is why I've chosen to try this 8 week programme.

I'm not really finding mindfulness hard in the sense of my mind wandering - I mean it does, but I know that's okay and I'm usually able to re-focus easily enough. I have tried meditation a few times before and have found it's a bit like riding a bike - getting back into it recently I was surprised how easy it was to "switch it on". But I'm getting a fairly negative reaction emotionally. When I'm meditating I find myself just becoming very frustrated, like the sensation of being a stroppy teenager again. I want to just throw my hands up and have a tantrum. Not for any reason, it's just how I feel.

I also find myself thinking "I must not be doing this right. It can't be this easy, I must be doing it wrong." and trying to put more effort into it. Which... doesn't really work.

I've been having problems with stress and worry recently, and I'm trying to use mindfulness to combat it. Whenever I find I'm obsessing over something and getting stressed I try to bring myself to the present moment. And it does help calm me down, but then I start thinking "You're just ignoring your problems, that's not the grown-up thing to do." I feel like I'm 'hiding' in the present to avoid the things that are worrying me.

Also sometimes I can't tell if I'm being mindful or just switching my mind off. That ones hard to describe.

So yeah. Just rambling about some of the issues I'm having.

[Gareth]

Bump away my friend.

feel like I'm 'hiding' in the present to avoid the things that are worrying me.

But remember, the majority of the things that we worry about never actually happen.

I have found that worry is useful only in that it highlights a potential situation in the future. If I can do something about it, then I'll do it - no need to worry. If I can't do anything about it, then I'll let go - no need to worry.

I know how you feel. Worries seem so important; they make out to us like like they are the most important thing in the world, and they really need to have our attention. In reality, I have found that this is very rarely the case.

[JonW]

Hi Poeci,
As Gareth says, please feel free to bump away.
I have a long history of anxiety and depression myself tough, thankfully, have endured no difficult times since taking up mindfulness 18 months ago.
The key here is to be patient with yourself and not strive for quick results. Just ease your way into the course gently.
If you need any advice or support, we'll do our best to provide that here on this forum. If you'd prefer to discuss anything privately, feel free to private message me here on the site.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

[Candour]

I am about to start the first week but will only be able to do one session of sitting a night. I am considering stretching the weeks out so that I do two weeks of week one, two weeks of week two etc.
Will that mess up the program too much?

[Gareth]

I'm no expert, but I wouldn't think so.

In the end, people tend to experiment and find a way of practising that suits their needs the best.

I think that commitment, self-compassion and daily practice are the most important things.

[JonW]

Hi Candour,
I'm in agreement with Gareth here.
Stretching the weeks out is perfectly fine.
Do let us know how you get along.
All best wishes,
Jon

[Candour]

Thanks. I am keen to get started, though I have practiced mindfulness skills for a while, this will be my first structured course on mindfulness.

[Candour]

My first session went really well. I was all over the place after a bit, I just kept gently coming back and found myself using the recorded voice as an anchor early on before switching to my breath for the silent part.
For my mindful activity I am making wooden bee frames for hives at work. I notice that my thoughts run off really fast and far doing that.