Afraid I'm losing my mojo

[JonW]

"And as far as the non-expectation conundrum, I don't know how people avoid getting stuck on that sometimes. Maybe they don't. But, obviously we find meditation to try to mitigate suffering, then learn that that very striving is, itself, detrimental. So we strive to accept and to not strive. But secretly (and sometimes not so secretly), in the back of our little minds, the original striving is there... to suffer less."

Most of us come to mindfulness with expectations. That it's going to make us less anxious, less depressed, calmer, more peaceful, more productive, more successful with women, whatever.
With practice, we start to realise that meditation is not about getting anywhere. It's not about meditating to reach a less anxious, less depressed, more successful with women place. It's about being with what is, right now.
Even in the case of physical pain, meditation might not take that pain away, but we learn to relate to it in a different way. We might still feel the pain but we realise we don't need to pile mental suffering on top of that pain.
You're welcome to post as frequently as you like on this forum and we will always do our very best to help or advise.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

[jdandre]

Hi Dave, I'm sorry for your continued struggles. In my earlier comment, I cautioned you about "judging" yourself as it always makes things worse. I'll reiterate that here - don't be so hard on yourself for the things you do, don't do, or think you should do. Judgment is a tool the mind uses, and it makes those "pits of despair" seem that much deeper.

I have very much *tried* to accept my depression, but that is easier said than done.

We tend to make things more difficult than they need to be. We do that because we have a skewed view of what it means to "accept."

Someone wiser than me once said "Accepting isn't something you do, it's what's left after you let go and stop fighting." Try to adopt that perspective as you move forward.

In regard to your words on "striving," I return to what I said at the beginning of this comment: stop being so hard on yourself! So we strive - if we didn't, we would never come to mindfulness and meditation to begin with. There's nothing wrong with striving, we just realize that - much like we would use a boat to cross to the other side of a river - we eventually need to abandon it once we are where we need to be, doing what we need to do.

Finally, in regard to what you call the "non-expectation conundrum," consider this: we cause ourselves to suffer with expectations, because those expectations will never be met exactly as we imagine them in our minds. The problem is, we put a lot of time and energy into expectations. But, if you can re-focus that time and energy into what you need to do - right now - it will help you make better decisions and take better actions.

All we can do is "do, and let go." Since that is the case, we should not waste our efforts on mental ruminations. Instead, use it all to do the best we can in the only time we can do anything - the present moment.

[Bethany]

My question is, are you meeting your other basic needs?

Often, when we are upset, anxious, depressed, etc., we let ourselves go. We feel so harried, that something has to give, and that something is us. We skimp on sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc. Are you seeing this in your life?

If so, then it is time to make yourself a priority again. When you are depressed, your mind is in a state of fight-or-flight, and self-care, as well as meditation and relaxation activities, can calm this reaction and make life less overwhelming.

[Skywalker]

Hi Dave

I wonder if it might help you to focus on the physical manifestation of your depression as a way back into your usual mindfulness practice?

Lying flat, and starting with your feet (one foot at a time) tighten your toes, sense the tension for 3 seconds, then relax the muscles involved. Work your way up your legs in the same way, and then the rest of the muscle sets in your body, including facial muscles.

This is a far more active exercise than mindfulness, but when you are feeling uptight it might be easier to do.

Another physical activity you might try is mindful walking - where you focus on the pressure of your feet on the ground as you walk along. Or, the heat of the sun on your face; or maybe a breeze if there is one.

Having read your post, I wonder if you are becoming quite introspective at the moment? If so, maybe a greater focus on the physical end of the continuum (depression being a mind/body issue) might help.

Be kind to yourself, and take care.

ATB

Sky

[healthyhappymind]

Hi Dave,

I think it's normal to question our practice of meditation, or any skill actually. Especially if it doesn't feel as though we are improving, or achieving the results we hoped for. Hang in there though, maybe tweak your practices. Have a look around for other methods that may renew your enthusiasm. It's a bit like exercise in that respect, in that sometimes we do the same exercise program for a while, and then need to mix it up a little to renew our enthusiasm, or improve our results.

I'm sure, if you look carefully enough you will find that your practice has helped in some way. Even if it is only very subtle shifts. Maybe something that used to 'push your buttons' doesn't anymore. Or not so quickly, perhaps.

Be gentle with yourself, and listen to the self-talk in your head with a mild curiosity. Listen to it as an observer even, and imagine what you might say to your best friend if they were telling you they were (useless, stupid, pointless, or any other negative remark). Treat yourself with the same kindness.