Why is it that people stop meditating?

[Gareth]

It's a question that fascinates me.

I've come across people who have tasted the benefits that mindfulness offers, yet their practice drops away. I honestly don't understand it.

I think that as informal practice improves, the need for formal practice probably lessens for some people, but I can't imagine ever not having a regular meditation practice.

[JonW]

It fascinates me too.
I hosted a mindfulness meet-up group today. Twelve turned up. Had a fab time. It was clear to see the difference between those who have a regular practice and those who don't.
I sympathise with people who live a hectic life, especially those with children. I brought up my boy on my own and I know that time gets squeezed when you're a parent.
That said, mindfulness/meditation is a serious commitment.
You have to want to commit to it. If you tell yourself you don't have 20/30 minutes a day to commit to it, then you'll probably never commit to it.
Jon

[Elena]

I've been practicing on and off since last autumn when I attended a mbct class.
For me, the problem isn't the time mindfulness needs (you can split it into 10mins sessions through the day). Its the negative thoughts that sometimes come with it. "I don't feel like practicing now", "why do I have to do this again? It's boring", "I'd rather read a book now", "I don't even feel like sitting with a straight back, feet on the floor, it's boring"
Those thoughts and the feelings that comes with it are really hard to bear. Especially if they're on for the whole 10/20/30 minutes practicing.
Thats why I sometimes stop with the practice.

[JonW]

That's so true, Elena.
And sometimes it is hard to stick with the practice.
But that's also the reason to stick with the practice.
In meditation, we're simply practicing to be with the full catastrophe, which is life. To be with joy and despair, and all of it. Meditation is not a respite from all that, good or bad, it's becoming intimate with all that life has to offer in the moment, all of it.
Good things,
Jon

[Elena]

Thanks for your answer Jon. You' ve made a really good point. But "to be with the full catastrophe" is also one of the biggest challenges and difficulties I've experienced so far with mindfulness. Everyone tells you to do something on order to feel better when you're feeling sad/bored etc. And now I have to be with all those cruel feelings and nobody has told me how to cope with it.
And sure you experience that the intensity of those feelings change. And I'm still alive so it means the boredness is not unbearable. But it's hard work.

Elena

[Mudlotus]

Could it also be related to your amount of suffering?

I can imagine myself slacking a year ago, as I didn't have any problems then.
Right now I really feel I need to do it to prevent any more horrible anxiety and sleeping problems. And I'm pretty sure I'll do it the rest of my life, feeling the 'results'.

Sometimes I heard JKZ say you need a certain amount of resistance (=suffering) to build some 'muscle'.
So maybe this sounds a bit mean, but would someone need or at least benefit from a certain degree of suffering?

I'd love to hear your insights on this.

[JonW]

Hi Elena,
It is hard work. But it's worth facing. If it's not faced, it becomes even harder.
It's not uncommon to come up against challenges after completing the 8-week course.
This forum is here to help and advise in whatever way it can. So please make yourself at home here. Ask any questions you like and feel free to join in any of the conversational threads you find here.
This is a mindful space.
All good things,
Jon

[KernelOfWisdom]

Great question! I am sure there are many different reasons but two types have come up in discussions with students I have had. First, people often have a lot of misperceptions about what mindfulness is "supposed" to be like and start to feel either (a) like it is boring because they don't realize they have the freedom to explore and find different meditations or techniques that work best for them, (b) mindfulness seems to have a little bit of the "gym" thing, we know it's good for us and we know it will feel awesome after but sometimes the hardest thing is just DOING it... sometimes it is routine shifts that get us off track and so it takes will to get back on the wagon but other times it can be that people get kinda "down" and start to unconsciously (or, sometimes, consciously) wallow in those feelings a bit and have trouble digging out and so they self-sabotage in a way, and sometimes because its scary and hard to get out of it so not practicing because a great "excuse" for why things aren't getting better or (c) I think sometimes meditation can feel really solitary for people. I know lots of people who feel like they really crave a meditation group and really feel most motivated when they meditate around others... I am not sure why/how but when people don't have access to this kind of network I often find that they struggle with keeping up the practice!

[Elena]

@Mudlotus: Good question and hard to answer. I just try to write town my thoughts Of course I practice more when I'm feeling depressed or anxious. And I get back to the "routine" more easily when I feel bad. But isn't it the aim to practice when you're in a good state of mind so it will help you when you're depressed? I mean is it really effective if you only practice in a bad mood and as soon you feel better you stop it? I'd love to hear any thoughts about this from all of you.
Right now I try to establish daily mindfulness as a way of living my life and not just as a technique. I try to do short guided meditations over lunchtime or at a break at work. It calms me down and i feel relaxed afterwards, which means I have the benefits of it. But probably yes, I do not suffer enough so I don't really need it and it gets easier to pause. The question is: How do I manage to establish a daily meditation practice without being discouraged by all those hard feelings I mentioned in my first post?

I hope you can unterstand what I'm trying to say. Talking about meditation is sometimes difficult in English

Elena

[JonW]

"But isn't it the aim to practice when you're in a good state of mind so it will help you when you're depressed?"

I wouldn't say so.
When we meditate, we sit with whatever arises in the moment: euphoria, depression, delight, irritation, boredom, fascination…
We don't meditate as a kind of insurance policy against times in the future when life gets challenging. We meditate to be with what is - good, bad and neutral.
Jon, Hove