A theory of what keeps me (and you?) from being mindful

[ssdrdw]

Hi
I got to this theory a few days ago. I was very excited at the time and it seemed to explain many problems I have and why I cannot really be mindful\present to the moment.
However understanding the problem doesn't automatically lead to a solution, So I would like others to see if they can confirm this theory.
First of all I'm into the idea of mindfulness about half a year, practicing it at everyday activities and meditating. I very rarely felt that I'm doing this right, and when I did, it happened at its own and I couldn't replicate it.

So what I found, is that instead of putting my attention at the present moment, I am only able to put it a moment ago (a split second). Notice what I felt a moment ago. So the attention is put on the memory, in the head, not at the present.
It's more like actively monitoring myself, "forcing" the attention, than just passively noticing in real time.

This theory on its own doesn't teach me how to do this right, but at least I know how not to keep doing this.
Actually the theory seemed to take me backwards : If I stop "monitoring" myself the way I know, and just try to not put any effort into monitoring myself, my autopilot comes fully on. I have no clue how to be aware in real time.
Maybe this comes from an obsession to memorize things, obsession to self-improvement, obsession to see results, constant wait for strong stimulation that makes you too insensitive to feel, accept and be satisfied with the very delicate stimulation you get from reality (from the now).

*This part might be related only to ADHD people, And I might be mixing a very different problem - If I try to put my concentration into something (performing fast/complicated everyday\work activities for example) and still be mindful, this problem becomes obvious.

[JonW]

Hi ssdrdw,
Welcome to the forum.
I think there's a tendency for us to over-think mindfulness when we first start practicing it. While we're still learning to embody the concepts of mindfulness, it's quite natural for us to be quite deliberate about it. ie. "My mind is racing away with itself - I'll come back to the breath."
With practice, it becomes a more natural process. In a sense, we drop the scaffolding that we have built up. So coming back to the moment and being in the moment are much more reflexive. We become less self-conscious and more naturally present.
It's a little like when you're walking down the road and you temporarily lose your balance. The body corrects itself instinctively.
Over time, mindfulness becomes like that. At least it has for me.
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[KernelOfWisdom]

Hi ssdrdw,

Sounds like you've really been thinking hard and working at your meditations! I admire your dedication to the practice, but also make sure you're being gentle with yourself and just staying open. We tend to have a habit, in the West, of doing a lot of thinking and analyzing. Our system is meant to develop our left-brains and lends itself to this. So it's natural to do, but it doesn't sound like you're not doing the practice "right". In fact, the practice just is what it is... it's not right or wrong. Whatever you are noticing is perfect

It is an interesting reflection that we are often reflecting on what we noticed a split second ago, although in many cases that might be as close as we can get. However, I'm not sure if you've come across "immersion" meditations or even body scans or internal/external awareness meditations? But all of those tend to train your focus to "attach" to one thing in the present. You might enjoy those If you want free guided meditations for any of those to try them out, feel free to shoot me a note and I can share some I have.

Good luck!

[Gareth]

For me at least, I have come to understand that awareness cannot be forced. It is a perfectly natural state that we are all capable of. The more that I meditated, the better I got at noticing when my awareness had dropped off, and I was lost in thinking.

At that point is the invitation: do I want to continue with this thinking or should I just come back to the present moment? I actively bring myself back countless times in any given day.

[FeeHutch]

For me at least, I have come to understand that awareness cannot be forced. It is a perfectly natural state that we are all capable of. The more that I meditated, the better I got at noticing when my awareness had dropped off, and I was lost in thinking.

At that point is the invitation: do I want to continue with this thinking or should I just come back to the present moment? I actively bring myself back countless times in any given day.

Gareth you've summed that up for me very well thanks

[aly4519]

For me at least, I have come to understand that awareness cannot be forced. It is a perfectly natural state that we are all capable of. The more that I meditated, the better I got at noticing when my awareness had dropped off, and I was lost in thinking.

At that point is the invitation: do I want to continue with this thinking or should I just come back to the present moment? I actively bring myself back countless times in any given day.

It's funny, meditating has helped me become aware of when I'm lost in thinking. (And it really is incredible!). But, it has NOT translated into me being aware of it that much outside of the formal practice. And I've meditated for over 50 hours to this point.

[JonW]

Hi aly4519,
Do you do the body scan regularly? For me, that's been hugely helpful in terms of sharpening moment-to-moment awareness, both within and without formal practice.
Jon