i dont know if meditation can solve my problem

[JonW]

"Meditation and mindfulness aren't here to help solve problems."

That's true but, with patience and practice, they will almost certainly help you to relate to your problems in a healthier way.
Jon

[Pajko]

How do you mean mindfullness doesnt solve problems ?its specifically used to cease suffering, to a certsin extent. If we are present and see things clearly we realize that we are complete. Isnt the whole practice to recognize the problem, and see it clearly?i understand what you mean with the gap though, but im trying to accept myself fully in the present moment without trying to see it as a problem because thats not fully accepting it because it creates an aversion. But as Jon said the practice of being mindfull and compassionate gives a different ,more "spiritual" way of seeing things, for a lack of a better word. The problem with me is that i cant Always accept my emotions, i just cant see past them at times especially fear and anxiety. I put my awareness on it, and i expect myself to accept it, but it doesnt happen. And please dont tell me that nothing is supposed to happen, because i know that a certsin peace and stillness comes when i sm truelly mindfull of something.

[JonW]

"How do you mean mindfulness doesnt solve problems?"

Most of us will come to mindfulness with a specific goal in mind: wanting to feel less anxious, to get rid of depression etc.
We soon learn that mindfulness is not a goal-oriented practice. We don't meditate in order to feel a certain way or reach a particular state. We meditate on what is, right now.
If we establish a regular mindfulness practice, there's every chance that we will start feeling more relaxed, less stressed etc. But that only tends to happen when we let go of the idea of a goal.
This is a very subtle but very important point in the understanding of what mindfulness actually is. It's about being present. It's not about getting anywhere. It's about being with what is, right now.
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

i agree with what jon has posted.

"The problem with me is that i cant Always accept my emotions, i just cant see past them at times especially fear and anxiety. I put my awareness on it, and i expect myself to accept it, but it doesnt happen. And please dont tell me that nothing is supposed to happen, because i know that a certsin peace and stillness comes when i sm truelly mindfull of something."

you're 'expecting a result' on the point in bold type, expecting yourself to accept it, that may or may not happen.
mindfulness or meditation doesn't always result in peace and stillness.
being with a difficulty or meditating on it, for me, seldom brings that.

meditation is different every time because ,whether we like it or not,life is constantly changing, expecting things to turn out a certain way every time isn't mindfulness, meditating this way and calling it mindfulness will lead to disappointment.

[paulpsych]

Hi Pajko

You might want to look at dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). It has mindfulness at it's core, but also deals with regulating your emotions, tolerating distress and helps relate to other people. Just Google DBT and see if you think it might apply to you. There are a lot of resources out there

[Gareth]

meditation is different every time because ,whether we like it or not,life is constantly changing

Never a truer word said.

Are you able to get on a course? I really think you would benefit from that type of environment.

[Pajko]

yeah i dont have that money now. But ny meditation practice differs from how it was earlier. Nowadays its more even, i wouldnt say stagnant, but i dont get as hyped about being in the present moment. Early on i had all these awesome experiences, but now its just more normal. I dont know if it has to do with meditation stabilizing my mind or because im not putting the same effort, its a bit sad for me though. I sometimes also get those feelings of reality and how i was sleeping in my earlier days. I also dont get that sense of freedom that i was getting. What i remember was that it had to do with attention, though the realization is gone. I guess it takes time.

[Pajko]

Guys i also have another question. When i put my awareness on something, listeninn for exemple, i feel at times a resistence. Like a fear or something and then i out of fear take away that awareness from it. Like when im listening to someone i try to be aware but i feel like im doing it wrong somehow. Im not open enough. How do i deal with this mindfully/heartfully?

[JonW]

Hi Pajko,
It sounds as though you want the experience, in this case listening, to be something other than what it is. Try being curious about the resistance rather than wishing it away.
There is no "perfect" experience. There's only what is. The mind makes it complicated. It's not really complicated at all. But it does require grounding in the practice, and practice is key.
Jon Kabat-Zinn says, "If you are only practicing to experience some special state, or to get to a so-called better place, you are missing the absolutely critical non-instrumental aspect of meditation, which is that in this very moment, there is actually no place to go, nothing to do, and nothing to attain. Wakefulness is already here. It only needs to be recognized and inhabited — even if it is for the briefest of moments. It is your true nature. No need to improve on it; nor is improving on it possible."
Understanding this is absolutely crucial to mindfulness practice. It's the very essence of mindfulness.
Kabat-Zinn also says, "When you think that your practice should be working, then you've already fallen out of your practice and into expectations that the practice is going to achieve some kind of prefigured, desirable result. Meditation doesn't 'work' or not 'work'; it's about being with things as they are.

"
Jon

[Pajko]

Guys in social situations i can get a sort of feeling of feeling like a headless chicken, i dont know what to so with it either, its causing alot of suffering and at those times i have a terrible inner conflict going on. Feels like i cant get out of it no matter what i do. When i apply mindfullness to it( ex putting my awareness there, try to be kind to it,breathing wirh it ) the turbulent emotions are forever present, and all i try to doxis to be with them and accept them. But it just isnt working. Sure i put alot of pressure on myself in social situations, but the productivity is 0% really im totally frozen, mute. It sucks because i know what i can do with self- love buut its just so fluctuating at the moment. Sure its much much higher from moment to moment than it was earlier. But where i really need it i have only noticed small/ but yet huge sifferences which paradoxically i feel arent enough. Do you guys get the last part?haha. Im not sure its social anxiety. Its some kind of combo of me judging myself horrible and fearingnqhat others think. And as said, from the outside i look like a headless chicken and i feel the same inside..