What to do with difficult thoughts in daily life?

[monkey]

I have been trying to observe and accept difficult thoughts or feelings in my sitting practice, but I also get a lot of difficult or self critical thoughts and feelings in daily life. What do people do about this? I have been experimenting with saying a few words to myself, like 'only this' to remind myself to be mindful of what is actually happening now, and not get caught up in my mental stories.

But I am never sure about how much of mindfulness is about focus on right now, and how much is awareness and acceptance of mental states and stories about the future / past etc. I'd welcome any ideas about words to say when going through difficult and racing thoughts which encourages awareness and acceptance as well as remaining mindful of the present moment. Thank you.

[Jaizkibel]

Hi monkey,

I see meditation as a practice to learn non-reactivity, and then apply it to the rest of the things we do in our lives.

Try not to make a difference between how you deal with "bad" feelings or thoughts while you're meditating and while you're not practicing formal meditation. I put "bad" in quotes on purpose, because we shouldn't judge those thoughts as good or bad, but just as thoughts.

The more you practice mindfulness meditation, the more you'll be able to just observe those thoughts which come to your mind while you're meditating without judging them and without reacting automatically. This is not supposed to end when you finish your meditation practice, we should apply it to the rest of your lives.

Don't be too hard on yourself if you get caught up in your mental stories every now and then. It's actually good news if you're aware that you were caught up, because then you're able to act accordingly. ¿Do you feel that you're able to control your thought better while you're meditating? Then there's no need to worry, it will get better the rest of the day too!

[monkey]

Thank you, that's helpful. I tend to overthink the approach I think, I feel I need a strategy for everything. I've been experimenting with repeating phrases, so if I have a lot of thoughts I'm getting caught in I repeat 'wind blowing, wind blowing' to remind me that although the thoughts are coming thick and fast now they will die down. I find that helpful because it gives me an anchor to help with being aware of them. Thanks again.

[rara]

Thank you, that's helpful. I tend to overthink the approach I think, I feel I need a strategy for everything. I've been experimenting with repeating phrases, so if I have a lot of thoughts I'm getting caught in I repeat 'wind blowing, wind blowing' to remind me that although the thoughts are coming thick and fast now they will die down. I find that helpful because it gives me an anchor to help with being aware of them. Thanks again.

Don't panic Collect your breath, feel yourself then carry on. Thoughts come and go!

My motto of the month: turn brain off. It was the best advice I was ever given.

[Gareth]

Experimentation is good in my book.

Why don't you try some self-compassion meditation? Take a look at this blog from Sheila: http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/why ... -kindness/

[monkey]

Thanks. Gareth, I have started practising metta more regularly and it is making a difference. I think that part of it is that having practised for a few months now I'm starting to realised just how much of my internal chatter is very self critical, or anticipating criticism from others (which comes to the same thing). Having started to recognise that at time I find it quite exhausting and depressing that I spend so much time justifying, doubting, putting myself down. It's almost worse than being unaware of it!

[JonW]

"I'm starting to realised just how much of my internal chatter is very self critical, or anticipating criticism from others (which comes to the same thing)."

You're not alone there, monkey.
Part of the problem with thinking is that we've been conditioned to consider the process as one thing.
But there's practical thinking - like learning to drive a car. "That's the gear stick. If I turn on the ignition, put the gear in forward and press on the pedal, the car will move forward…" Unless the car is misbehaving, that thought is a useful fact, worth remembering if we're gonna get the car started.
Then there's speculative, judgmental thinking. "Jim was a bit strange at the office party. I always suspected Jim didn't like me…."
Mindfulness does help us see the internal chatter, the subconscious gossip, for what it is.
Takes practice though. With practice, the speculative thinking becomes a lot less sticky. Slowly but surely, we're able to observe those negative thoughts rise and fall away, without getting stuck to them.
All good things,
Jon

[Bethany]

Once you observe your thoughts, the next step is to redefine them. Ask "Why do I think this?" Try to figure out what your mind is basing this thought on. Then question whether that is an accurate basis. Remember that just because someone said it or just because it happened in the past, does not make something automatically true. Be curious with your own mind, until you get to the point where you can redefine the assumption.

[francogrex]

...But I am never sure about how much of mindfulness is about focus on right now, and how much is awareness and acceptance of mental states and stories about the future / past etc.

They go together, to be able to accept you'll need to first be aware and that awareness of the thoughts brings you in the here & now. With time, patience and practice awareness and acceptance will become easier, meanwhile do not be too demanding of yourself or obsess about the process, it's important to be light about the approach and someone suggested self-compassion, a very good suggestion.

[Happyogababe]

Experimentation is good in my book.

Why don't you try some self-compassion meditation? Take a look at this blog from Sheila: http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/why ... -kindness/

This is where I'm at right now (week 6 of FPIAFW) and the realisations I've had are quite incredible. I am my own worst critic and (it seems) I'm harsh. I judge, I analyse, I promote guilt and rarely congratulate myself. Well, that is changing and it's not before time. I'll take a look at the blog.