i dont know if meditation can solve my problem

[Pajko]

Hi again guys. I feel like a have a cognitive disability. I mean when im with my friends and talk about my problems they are so peacefull and in sync with themselves, they know if something is wrong and everything. But me, after talking to them today i realized how much better they are than me. Honestly. Their coping mechanisms are so much more developed than mine. I mean these people talk about riding their emotions naturaly without even training mainfullness. Me on the otherhand i feel like i have no concsiouss controll over anything, i feel like a victim of my own emotions. Im aware that i have a huge problem, sure i dont have depression but i feel like i have no choice over anything, i want to be authentic but i dont know how. I dont know myself on any level whatsoever almost as if i have no soul. I feel like idont have the capacity to be authentic, and that i wont ever know why. I just dont know what to say or do. It is so difficult to put my problem into words. I feel like an emty shell. And honestly now it feels like im going crazy. Im not living life. I dont really honestly know what im living. And if i tell this to a shrink they probably wont know either. I honestly think im doomed.
Meditation has kind of stoped working for me even though i try to remain mindfull of my actions throughout the day. I dont know nothing anymore. Meditation sounds like it is for me, but i doubt it very much. I dont know if i will ever be true to myself in this lifetime. I have never been for the last 21 years, i dont know what my authentic self feels like..

[piedwagtail91]

I'd suggest finding a course and doing it again from the start.
With a teacher you can share your thoughts and get help straight away.
It's wrong and pointless to compare yourself to others.things aren't always as they seem,no matter what people say, we're all different and cope with problems in our own ways.

The grass always seems greener on the other side, but watering and caring for your own grass will make it just as green.

There's a lot of striving in your post,wanting to be this or that.
That's always going to be unsettling because you can never be at peace.

You are as you are in each moment.
It's about accepting that.
There's no special way of being.
With all this negativity is not surprising that you're catastrophising and feeling doomed.

meditating when it feels pointless is the best time to meditate more, it's when you can learn a lot.

Your authentic self is how you feel now in this moment.
If you feel depressed or anxious then that's how you feel. That's your authentic self, anything else would be fake.
You can only live in this moment.



.

[Pajko]

I have never understood the meaning of learning somethibg in meditation, all it does is ease my emotions a little bit. It nearlt seems impossible to accept my feelings aswell, no matter how much i put my awareness on them. They are just there but i dont accept them..it seems as the more time goes the less i get from meditation. In the beginning i seemed to accept my feelings easier. I guess the more you do something the more effort it takes. And also i havent taken any course. Im almost three months in my practice and i dont see how taking the course would help me. Maybe just the talking part. I gotta help myself.. Just i dont have the tools nescesary sadly.

[JonW]

"I'm almost three months in my practice and i dont see how taking the course would help me."

The course is carefully designed to provide a structure and a grounding to your practice. It also defines what mindfulness is. I'd highly recommend it.
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

As Jon says the course is structured to give you the skills gradually.
learning mindfulness is much easier with a teacher on a course.

When life gets difficult it usually means there's a lesson to be learned, and it's time to turn toward that difficulty rather than try to push it away.
I would seriously recommend a course.
The doubt could well be just thoughts.
In my case it was.

[Matt Y]

Hi Pajko,

There are many advantages to learning in group environment, where you have access to a teacher who can answer your questions directly, and where you can hear the questions and experiences of other students who will likely be going through a similar process to your own.

If you are trying to learn something by yourself you are likely to continue to make the same mistakes over and over, because you only have your own perspectives to call upon.

If you're serious about developing new skills and changing old behaviours, then you need to do something different.

[Buddhakind]

Hey Pajko!

I feel you..!
I ve tried meditation for the last 2 years on and off on my own, without any help and it probably did more harm than good, cause I had no clue what I was doing. I was reading some very philosophical books about buddhism and it was very hard for me to put their ideas into practise.

Only recently I came across mindfulness (which for me is just a more westernised and simplified version of buddhism) which made meditation smth completely new for me.
I believe that only with good books (with authors like JKZ or mark williams) and experienced teachers mindfulness and meditation becomes understandable.

Good luck!

[Pajko]

i dont know i feel like meditation is very individual and a teacher wont help me with realizations. I have to realize them myself. Im gonna go psychoanalysis though, that maybe will be good with my practice.

[Gareth]

Hi again guys. I feel like a have a cognitive disability. I mean when im with my friends and talk about my problems they are so peacefull and in sync with themselves,

Don't compare your insides with other peoples outsides.

[aly4519]

Meditation and mindfulness aren't here to help solve problems. Meditation is a practice that helps you be mindful, which is a way of living. If you rely on these things to help you achieve a goal, then you're not being present. Instead you're focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be, and that makes things worse.