Thoughts and emotions

[Buddhakind]

Hey guys!

I've just finished reading "the mindfulness workbook for OCD" and I def. learned some important points such as staying with difficult emotions such as fear instead of rationalizing them etc. (and it seems to work very well)

But unfortunately some chapters got me really thinking and "remunerating". At some point in the book it says smth like you shouldn't trust your thoughts and feelings/emotions. This really confused me and made me felt very insecure. In the past I was always relying on my thoughts and believed that emotions are just messengers of our needs which def need our attention.
For the past 3 days This confusion is in my head and screaming for clarification. I find myself asking constantly if my thought or feeling is just a lie or not (even the most neutral thought such as "I feel like going for a jogg"). This obviously is causing me quite a lot of emotional distress.


If anybody could give me some hint or explanation I would be infinetly thankful!

[piedwagtail91]

I don't trust the judgemental or critical ones.
The ones that pass an opinion on people I see or circumstances I'm in.
I trust very little in difficult circumstances until I've let go of everything and taken a breathing space when I can see them more clearly.
Everyday ones, about eating , walking, deciding what to do are usually ok.

If I'm meditating on a difficult emotion then I let all thoughts go, they just stir things up in that situation, better to stay with just the sensations in the body when meditating on emotions.

[Buddhakind]

Thank you very much!

[Gareth]

I think you just need to be wary of your thoughts; they are often untrue.

This doesn't mean that you should universally disregard them though. For example: "that dog looks a bit suspicious, he looks like he's going to bite the first person that goes near him," is a thought you are probably best off assuming to be true, just to be on the safe side. Or the thought: "you are so bad with women, you are never going to find love," should probably be ignored.

[Buddhakind]

Okay makes sense.

Another question to you wise people.

I'm currently reading "The mindful way through depression" by mark williams (great book) but i'm a bit puzzled about one part: dealing with self-critical commentary (thoughts) in every day life.

From what I understand he says that we should non-judgmentally accept them for being there and not always believe the content.
"When we let them come and go, we remain free to choose which thoughts are appropriate, even wise and healthy; which to listen to, believe, and possibly act on; and which to simply recognize as unhelpful and let pass."

My question: what about challenging the thoughts?
Example of distorted thoughts (that I frequently have):
"He is so much better than me at ...."
"Am I doing everything wrong?"
"I'm never gonna get it"
"I'm never going to get better"
Etc.

Am I giving these negative thoughts just more weight by saying soothing counter statements such as:
"This is very unlikely to happen"
" don't worry, I will get there"
"I am capable"
Etc.?
I know this is more of a CBT approach but I often catch myself doing it consciously and unconsciously.
Is this so wrong?

Can't we do both? Mindfully accept the negative thoughts, see them as lies and give a positive statement instead?

Thank you

[JonW]

"Can't we do both? Mindfully accept the negative thoughts, see them as lies and give a positive statement instead?"

I don't see why not.
I suspect we (mindfulness types) all do a bit of that. Don't we?
Some thoughts I choose to act on ("Must remember to pick up the laundry"), some thoughts I simply notice, some thoughts I might provide an answer to ("Is he a better cook than me? It doesn't matter.")
I think the important thing is recognising the power that thoughts have over us and, ultimately, to realise that our thoughts don't define us - they're just thoughts.
As the saying goes: the mind is a great slave but a terrible boss."
Jon

[Buddhakind]

Hey guys!

I now read quite a few articles and books of mindfulness about dealing with difficult thougts and emotions. I summarized it into the RAIN "method".

R- Recognize
Becoming aware of thought or emotion
A- Accepting
Accepting their presence. Being non-judgmental about them being there.
Allowing them to arise and not avoiding them.
I- Investigating
Gentle and open-hearted childlike curiosity, with fiscination and even being playful.
N- Not self
Don't believe everything that you feel and that goes through your head.
Being aware that these are just impermanent mental events.

My questions:

1) do you think the approach is good?

2) I'm okay with R, A and N but I am confused about I (Investigating).
-Doesn't investigating contradict to acceptance?
-How deep should we digg into our emotions and thoughts?
Should we maybe gently try to uncover our mistaken beliefs if possible?

I understand that mindfulness is very much about accepting and being non-judgmental about such negative experiences. And that does help for dealing with it in the moment.
But does that really help to reduce their apperance in the long run? Don't we have to change our mistaken beliefs which cause these troubles in the first place?
I don't really understand how mindfulness stands here.

Looking forward to your answers:))

Thanks!:)

[JonW]

Excellent post, Buddhakind.
I really like the RAIN idea. There's probably a great blog to be written along those lines.
This is only my opinion but I think there's a bit of a misunderstanding about the idea of acceptance in terms of mindfulness.
By acceptance we aren't being asked to be passively accepting about our lives as a whole, more that we are invited to accept the moment as it is.
The present moment is already here. Whether it's a pleasurable moment, an uncomfortable moment or a painful moment, it's happening right now. It's already arrived.
Accepting the moment doesn't mean that we can't be curious about the drives and habits that cause us suffering. How deep should we dig? Again, as deep as we're comfortable in digging. Consider again that yoga stretch: leaning in, not too far, just far enough.
Jon, Hove