Do we grow with each moment of clearity?

[Pajko]

Im wondering because ive seen very clearly for the last couple of days, ive had huge self compassion and i felt equal with everyone. These moments always stop and afterwards it feels like they never happened. Its very discouriging since i atleast thought "hey surely some negative beliefs must have been healed" but now im back ..

[piedwagtail91]

unfortunately that how things are.
no two breaths are the same, no two moments.
mindfulness helps you 'ride the waves'.
everything is constantly changing, humans and their emotions and lives are no different.

i've just got this link in an email which illustrates this constant change.
this is the text from it:
Buddhist-art enthusiasts, take note: episode 6 of the new season of Netflix’s House of Cards includes a beautiful depiction of Tibetan monks creating and destroying an intricate sand mandala in the White House. We won’t share any spoilers, other than to say that the mandala serves as a metaphor for impermanence, as explored in the episode.
this is the link, http://www.lionsroar.com/watch-tibetan-monks-make-sand-mandala-house-cards/?utm_source=Shambhala+Sun+Community&utm_campaign=476e778304-SF_Weekly_Mar_12_20153_12_2015&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_1988ee44b2-476e778304-21523509

[Pajko]

I will read it. Why is self compassion such a thing that fluctuates though? I feel like that should at least be steadier that the practice of seeing clearly.. I understand that its a feeling, but meditators keep talking about an unconditional love, which indeed is momentary, but unconditionial sounds forever no matter what. Paradox.. Or something. What i have realized is that i feel deep down that i dont deserve to be loved, and from that i get a inferiority complex. So when i felt that i was equal with everyone i was SO open no inhibitations. People could feel my compassion from miles away. It was all so clear! Ofcourse im equall to anyone, ofcourse i deserved to be loved..

[JonW]

Great clip, Mick. Thanks for that.
Beginner's mind, Pajko, beginner's mind. We can't hang on to those moments of self-compassion and expect them to last forever. They are what they are. Just as the moments of doubt are what they are. Let them be. Abide. That's the practice.
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

Thanks jon.
paJko. A lot of that is thought. Don't believe your thoughts.
What you lost will be back because nothing lasts.
That's the nature of life.
Don't strive to get back where you were or thereabouts,if its going to happen it will do so in it's own time

[Pajko]

Yeah thanks guys :'). Its just that i feel sad for myself and people around me. Ive been so genuinly friendly towards them, as only those filled with self compassion can do. Mindfullness in itself becomes easier with self compassion, its alot harder to do with a mind filled with hatred. From that hatred comes thoughts of doubt, is this really what im feeling? You as well as i know how self compassion can make us accept ourselves. I think that it was a combo of self compassion and awareness that made me realize hey im complete, guys i swear for 2-3 moments i had some kind of experience close to enlightment. Ohh gosh i miss that warm tingly feeling sensation in the mind body and soul:)

[Pajko]

i also wonder when they say you should sit with emotions, and put our awareness to them( i like Jkz "minds eye term aswell its easier to grasp for me) it doesnt always lead to seeing the emotion clearly. I wonder what ingridients are necesery to see the emotions clearly with only our awareness. Almost feels like luck, but i say so because im discouraged:(

[piedwagtail91]

compassion and hatred can't exist together. Hatred is wasted energy. It's like trying to kill rats by eating the rat poison yourself and expecting the rats to die.
After its ' time' hatred is just toxic, if hatred is present compassion and self compassion can't be.

[Pajko]

How do you mean? When i feel self hatred i can at times shower it with self compassion"this is a human experience" and it fades away. So i believe you mean that compassion takes away the self hatred. Would you guys say that feelings of not being loved and feeling inferiority for no apparent reason stem from self hatred?

[piedwagtail91]

I'd suggest spending some time with the issues that are causing the hatred rather than keep trying to use self compassion as an antidote. Until you resolve the issues that are causing the hatred you're in a cycle that's going nowhere.