Going backwards...

[JonW]

Hi there.
My comment was not intended to be discouraging, nor is it a personal judgment.
The fact is that mindfulness is not for everyone, and timing is crucial. If someone is suffering from severe anxiety or depression, mindfulness is not recommended for them at that time. That doesn't imply a lack of belief in someone. It's simply sound advice.
As Elisha Goldstein says, "If someone is deeply depressed and they have no background in mindfulness or meditation, I would not make mindfulness or meditation their first point of contact. They might be so identified with their self-critical thoughts that even giving them something to do would be to give them something else to fail at."
All best wishes,
Jon

[Isabel]

Hi, I'd not really taken it as direct judgement on me, just the fact that it could be got the defensive response going. I can be quite reasonable, but right now I'm not. I'm sort of in a place where I can't feel ok enough about myself to carry on with it. It was gonna happen I guess, and I guess I'll get through it but who knows how long it will take. I suppose it's all the same old anxiety about nothing or maybe I really have ruined everything for myself. I just think a little more than no follow-up from the course would have suited me better. Someone just being there without me needing to ask for it is not possible at the moment. Don't know why I'm posting this.

[piedwagtail91]

You're posting because right now it hurts. You're very aware,it shows in your posts.
Maybe sitting practices aren't your thing today.have you tried the other practices? A short walk,some movement, opening the window and listening, or even looking out of the window and watching it rain.
You know you're being very hard on yourself because you've said so.
is it possible for you to just sit,be aware of the centre of your chest over your heart,maybe putting both hands there and breathing into your heart?
If you Can Do that and let the thoughts that come up float away then that's enough.
If you Can breath through your heart into where it hurts then that helps too.
You are aware,that's a big plus point.
Don't give up
mIck

[Isabel]

It does hurt. A lot.

[JonW]

Isabel.
The forum is always here for help and support if you decide to resume mindfulness practice.
All best wishes,
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

I know it's difficult, really difficult but if you can try to let go of the thoughts and be aware of where it hurts in the body, even if it's only for a short time then you might at least get short periods of peace . It takes a hell of a lot to come on an open forum and admit it hurts. I think you're very brave.
If you want support , people to care, then maybe the forum could be that support, show you that care?
you've done it once, you can do it again.
Keep in touch.
Don't give up.
Mick

[Michael_79]

Hey Isabel,
Mindfulness is a long journey, do not desperate. It is not linear, one week you get the feeling it is going much better, the week after back in the abyss...but a little less down in the abyss than before, even if you do not realize it now.
I have also been struggling with anxiety for a long time. I did meditation for one year, there were some harsh moments (and there are still some), I thought several time to give up (I did for some weeks), that it was all bullshit, that it was not for me... Now, with just one year of practice, I am amazed at the progress.
Try to set a milestone: tell yourself that you try for one year, everyday, set it as your first priority , just think about you, f...k the rest. It takes a lot of discipline but you will not regret it.
The best for you and a big hug

[Gareth]

Wonderful replies from Mick and Michael. Read Micks inspirational story here: http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/my- ... rience-2/; he has been in the abyss too.

I also think you're brave Isabel; I hope you stay with us and keep talking.

[piedwagtail91]

Hi isabel
If you do feel overwhelmed at times by your anxiety would you be able to just sit and take 3 or 4 deeper breaths? Breathing in slowly through your nose and then out softly and gently through your mouth, as if you're blowing on a candle flame to make the flame dance and flicker. Not to blow it out!
If you can picture or visualise this so much the better.
This can help to ease tension and break the chain of thought.
It can be useful before trying a meditation if you're feeling particularly anxious.
Hope things start to ease soon.
Remember you only need to live in this moment, the rest of the day may be completely different to what your thoughts try to tell you.
I know it often is in my case.
Thanks for the kind comments gareth.
mick

[Isabel]

Thank you. I think I will keep posting as I am alone a lot at the moment and it feels scarey sometimes being on my own so much when I feel this way. I'm afraid I will go more out of control than I ever did before because of this. Relying only on myself feels so hard, as if I have lost strength I had before. And confused in a new way. Not grounded. Work grounded me. People ground me. I will keep trying with formal practices.