Do I try hard to focus? Or do I just watch the thoughts?

[jwardmagic]

I've been practicing mindfulness for about two weeks now and realised something. I have conflicting views on what to do when it comes to thoughts. One view is to just relax, observe them and let them pass. The other is to strive hard to focus, but when thoughts come to just let them pass.

If I do the former, I tend to get lost in thought for the entire practice. If I do the latter, I tend to get frustrated. However, with the latter, I've heard that I should not be forcing anything.. which leaves me confused! If I do not try and simply try to watch my thoughts pass whilst having a place to come back to such as my breath, I feel like nothing is being achieved and usually end up in a daydream which lasts the entire 15 minutes I meditate.

Any help?

[JonW]

Striving hard is always going to be counterproductive.
Relax, observe thoughts and let them pass. That's the mindful way.
But if relaxation becomes the goal, mindfulness can easily become another form of striving.
As Ed Halliwell writes in his new book, Mindfulness: How to Live Well by Paying Attention, "When trying to relax, we’re subtly (or not so subtly) rejecting our reality, attempting to get into a different state of being. In mindfulness practice, the invitation is to let go of trying to be calm and instead respect what’s actually happening, even if that means opening to tension, agitation, pain or fatigue. Realizing how amazing the body is, and how powerful, we can allow it to have its present moment."
Being mindful is opening ourselves to the present, being present in our own lives, not grasping at how we would prefer our lives to be in the present moment.
It can seem very challenging at first.
Practice, practice, practice.
As Ed Halliwell writes, "With gentleness, we bring our attention back to direct experience in the moment. We sit steady and lighten our grip. Over time, as we practice opening and re-opening to sensory experience - coming back to attention as the mind wanders - a different way of being (a real wellbeing) can unfold within us. By repeatedly shifting how we attend to experience, we strengthen the muscle of mindfulness."
All best,
Jon