Mindfulness intensifies my negative emotions?

[JonW]

Hi there.
Mick makes a great point about week five of the course which, if memory serves, is titled Turning Towards Difficulty. I don't have the book to hand but I seem to recall Mark Williams & Danny Penman comparing paying attention towards a difficult thought/emotion to leaning into a stretch in a yoga move. Just as it's important not to overstretch in yoga, it's important not to take too much difficulty on at once.
It might be worth you spending a few weeks on the week five session, gradually easing your way in to the practice of turning towards difficulty.
As ever, we'll be here to advise in whatever way we can.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

[Matt Y]

Hi Nelis83,

Have you heard the quote: "The map is not the territory"? Meaning, if there's something on the ground in front of you, but you can't find it on the map - it's the map that's wrong, not the ground.

In just the same way, not everything you read or hear may be helpful, or helpful for YOU. It's sometimes necessary to trust your own experience over the 'wisdom' of a book or teacher.

If you find that your anxiety diminishes when you don't focus on it, then doing that is what works for you. Jon's point about fixating sounds like it could be relevant though, and I get the sense that you are focusing on things with a strong intent to get rid of them? Are you focusing on your anxiety, or pain, in the hope that it will go away?

Of course, as soon as you focus on something, it's likely to become clearer in your mind - hence it may seem to get worse. I would recommend that you look at the attitudes you bring to your anxiety and pain. Are you resisting them in any way, however subtle? If so, I would recommend that you try developing your capacity to tolerate these feelings. A useful aim is to gradually become more accepting and welcoming of your emotions, rather than trying to stop them arising. If you do this, you might find that eventually you no longer mind feeling anxious.

Matt.

[Michael_79]

Nelis,
I do not want to hijack your post but as you mention that we have similar reactions, it may be useful that I describe here in more details my experiences and present understandings. We may both progress by sharing our insights

During formal meditation, anxiety builds up in my case when I try to follow the first commonly taught mindfulness practice: focusing on breath, sounds or whatever and letting thoughts flowing away when they arise, just observing them non judgmentally. It took me time to realize that, every time a thought arise and my mind is deviating from the desired point of focus, I am not judging the arising thought itself but there is an almost unidentifiable background judgment popping up in parallel telling "you're doing it bad, you're not managing your task of focusing". Simply said, it's called performance anxiety but it's rooted so deeply in my mind that I have difficulties to identify it.

Alternatively, when I do not try to focus on a particular thing and let my mind hopping from one object of attention to another while trying to keep an external observer stance, the anxiety sensation do not build up and even often vanishes if it was present before starting the formal practice. So, I currently alternate my practice between periods of focus (well, trying to) and periods of letting my mind wandering.

The situation is a bit different at work but I believe that performance anxiety remains the main issue in parallel with fear of rejection. When arguing with someone and starting to feel the anxiety sensation, there is for sure the arising idea "anxiety is here, it's ok whatever it is....but damn, if cannot manage not thinking about it, I am gonna loose track of the discussion and look stupid". In turns, it nourishes the stomach butterflies, which then reinforces the idea and I end up caught into the vicious circle.

These are my thoughts about the situation at the moment. Would some aspects fit with your experience Nelis? Can you share your insights with us?

Thanks,
Michael

[mindfulmouse]

There are many different mindfulness practices with the awareness having a different focus such as the breath, sounds or body.

I am a bit confused why you are giving your full attention to the anxiety or the other examples you have given. You can try a practice that would be "better fit" for you. For example, mindfulness of the breath as your attention would be on the breath and if your mind wanders to an anxious/negative thought, you gently acknowledge the thought (as a thought not a fact) and bring your attention back to the breath. You don't fixate or attach to the negative thought, you are aware of it and don't push it away but you are not engaging with it. Just letting it be and bringing your attention to the breath. If you are trying to "feel better" than you defeat the practice as it about awareness of what it going on for you in the present (though this can be a consequence of practising).

Also, by saying that they are negative emotions shows that you are labelling your experience. Try to be more non-judgemental in your practice. I know that this is difficult. Another way is to befriend your negative emotions, saying "hello negative emotions, thank you for coming to remind me that I can experience these emotions" or whatever response you want that would be helpful.

Of course mindfulness is not for everyone and may be it is not a useful way of coping for you. Also you need to consider what stage you are at. If you are depressed than CBT, counselling, psychodynamic and behavioural couple therapy are recommended whereas mindfulness based cognitive therapy are recommended once you are recovering from depression and when you had several relapses.

Hope that helped. Good luck!

[Mal_Smith]

Exactly like michael described it in exactly the same situations.

Allowing myself to feel that particular emotion just makes it worse and worse to the point where i can't keep my attention off it and thus can't really listen anymore.. creating awkward situations in a discussion.

"Calm" meditation encourages concentration on the breath. Then, if you feel anxious, you are meant to *quickly* accept and let go of that emotion (in a fraction of a second...) and return attention to the breath.

In a meeting, you should be (mindfully) attending to what is being said. If you feel anxious, accept and let go of that emotion as soon as you have it, don't encourage it with thoughts like "I shouldn't be anxious, the boss will think I'm a twit, etc.,...".) Just accept it, let go of it, and get back, immediately, to concentrating on the conversation.

You can (and should) focus attention on emotions when you are practising formal "insight" meditation, or in situations where you have nothing else that you must do.

[Skywalker]

Sounds like a confusion between introspection and meditation to me, which some professional writers do seem to facilitate.

I suggest sticking with single focal point meditation and allowing arising thoughts to pass through without engagement.

Mindfulness can be helpful to many causes, but I think there is a growing risk of it being seen as a panacea.

There are many other tools in the box, and 'thought blocking' and 'diversion techniques' can be useful strategies.

Too much self-awareness is a central factor in performance anxiety, i.e. it becomes a distraction from application to the task in hand.

While mindfulness can help with concentration and focus, I would suggest setting it aside when engaging in specific tasks, i.e. don't read the Highway Code when driving your car.

ATB

Sky

[Nelis83]

If foundely found what's making the anxeity worse, see if you fully focus on your anxiety what you really wanna do here < The mind raather the sneaky rat> is to make the anxiety better for you. What dis will do is make it worse, the trick is to surrender to the feeling, still working on it but goes alot better