Everyday Mindfulness

Hi

I think I'm having some strong emotions surfacing and just wanted to share / see if others have experienced this as part of their journey.

When I first began meditating (about 18months ago), I rather quickly became aware of a sadness inside. Every once in a while I have a little sobbing cry during my meditation and it feels quite cathartic / releasing (although quite often feels like it's not quite finished when my meditation session finishes).

In the last few weeks, I'm aware of this sadness when not meditating. I've had a bit of difficulty with it; I find it uncomfortable, it often lingers & it feels very tiring. I try to accept it but I think deep down I'm really only trying to do this to rid myself of the feeling, therefore not really true acceptance. I think it feels a little like this sadness is trying to rise to the surface. I also seem to be crying easily, sometimes seemingly related to nothing. I do get a bit fed-up with my life situation at times but I'm fairly confident that the crying is not related to being depressed.

Today, shortly after meditating I put some music on and it seemed to set me off bawling for about 45mins (I think). It was quite a wierd situation; I wasn't crying about anything in particular (a few thoughts flitted in & out but nothing got stuck). It seemed as if it was the accumlation of many years of relatively minor upsets all being released at once. Then I found myself half crying and half laughing at myself. Around point I also experienced flickers of love/pleasure of beauty and even more bizarrely towards the end of this felt I was crying for all the suffering/sadness/injustice in the world!!!

It was quite peculiar but didn't feel unpleasant. I'm guessing it's a good thing and a release, but I don't know anyone else who meditates to discuss this with so just wonder what other meditators views might be on this?

Many thanks
J

Hi Jabbers,
Welcome to the forum.
It does sound as though that feeling of sadness is needing to be recognised/accepted but is meeting with resistance.
Did you ever follow the 8-week course? If so, this would have been addressed around week five in "turning towards difficulty". It might be worth looking into doing the course, if you haven't done so already.
Meanwhile, I hope you stick around here and get to know us all.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

Hi jabbers, not an experienced mindfulness practitioner but your experience is something I've encountered in Quaker circles.
As well as practicing acceptance, I would suggest finding someone to talk to who has an understanding of mindfulness practice and who might be able to help you discern if there is something you need to do about your current circumstances, or if it is OK to hold still and let life move at its own pace. We call this process clearness in Quaker circles, and have a practice of Elders who can be approached for help

Hi Jabbers

I have had experience of dealing with emotions bubbling to the surface. Sometimes I recognise the trigger and at other times I don't.

Although it can be uncomfortable, and your natural habit is to resist these feelings, sit with them for a little while and treat yourself with compassion. Accept any pain or sadness and try not to push it away.

Depending on how deep seated the root of these emotions is, the longer you will need to keep sitting with them as they rise up. As you begin to surrender and accept these feelings, you will able to let them pass through you and they will subside.

The fact that you are aware of them is a good first step. It may help if you are able to recognise the trigger but it is not necessary.

Blessings,
Vicky

Hi Jabbers, first I would say that you're quite normal - so, don't judge yourself for these feelings and emotions. Or for crying and laughing (or any combination of those!). Based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you are judging - but, we all have a tendency to do it and sometimes it's one of the last things we bring awareness to.

You say you find the sadness "uncomfortable" and "tiring" - that tells me you are still indulging it. You may not be indulging it as much as you have in the past, but you still are at some level. You may not even be aware of it - meditators often make great strides, and then become "stuck" with issues similar to what you outline because they plateau in their practice. Continued, consistent practice will help you move past it, however.

My suggestion - continue cultivating awareness of what's happening in your mind. In particular, watch your resistance to what arises - this comes through as some of the adjectives you use (I pointed out in the previous paragraph). Remember, thoughts and emotions aren't the problem...us not wanting to have certain thoughts and emotions is the problem. And when you resist them, you indulge (the same as if you were dwelling or ruminating).

You also mention "trying to accept." I'm not sure what you view on accepting is, but it might help to adopt this perspective: acceptance isn't something you do, it's what is left when you stop resisting and fighting (i.e., wanting things to be different).

Let me know if I can elaborate on anything I said above. Best wishes!