Subtly Avoiding Feelings

[BronteFan]

Everyone has a right to express their feelings as long as they do it correctly & in a balanced way. It's just finding the right way of expressing these feelings & ensuring that you also consider others. You can't just bottle everything up until it explodes as it's not good for you or others. I found Daniel Goleman's Dealing with destructive emotions a very helpful book.

There are too many taboo subjects in society today. I prefer people to tell me the truth & I always tell the truth albeit in a tactful, diplomatic & euphemistic way. I know that the polite answer to "How are you?" is "I'm fine, thank you very much for asking. How are you?" but I'd actually prefer people to actually tell me how they're really feeling. We all need a rant sometimes but it's important to also allow the other person to have a rant when they feel that way then it's not a 1 way thing as friendships should run both ways & be equal. I found that writing is a good way of expressing feelings as is singing. You can find a song to express every single emotion & if you can't & song-writing is 1 of your skills you can write a song to express the feelings & then sing this song. People don't mind you expressing your emotions in song especially if you've got a nice voice.

After you've expressed how you feel it's helpful to then do something to cheer yourself up or take your mind off things. I normally read. If I don't express myself in writing, my friends normally turn their conversations to them or something we all find fascinating or they start a sing-song. I can't really hide how I'm feeling from friends as I'm normally loquacious so if I'm quiet friends always ask me what's wrong & if I'm looking a certain way I get asked what I'm thinking as they can see the cogs going as do my family.

[JonW]

Well said, Ann.

[BronteFan]

Thank you very much, Jon.

I just forgot to mention the important point that if anyone thinks that their sadness is overwhelming & can't be controlled then they need to go to their G.P. & explain how they feel in case it's depression then they can get the right treatment. Something can be done about it. They can feel good again.

[JonW]

That's a very good point, Ann.
It's always worth remembering that mindfulness is not the right entry point for everyone and that mindfulness alone is not always the appropriate path.
I am reminded of this often in my group work with those in recovery. In the early stage of recovery, particularly in the immediate aftermath of detox, most people simply don't have the building blocks necessary to sit with thoughts and feelings. The process of detox requires all their energy and focus. For those further along in recovery, mindfulness can be very effective as part of a structured approach.
Timing is everything.
All best,
Jon

[BronteFan]

Exactly, Jon.

Thank you very much for the reminder. Everyone is different. What works for 1 person doesn't always work for others. It also depends on how bad people's condition is. Sometimes people need to take anti-depressants & they need these to start kicking in before any other form of treatment can be considered. In my case, I'd tried everything else & nothing seemed to work. I'd used books as a refuge, I'd read the right books to make myself better, I'd taken anti-depressants which didn't seem to do anything for me, I did self-esteem boosting, confidence building & assertiveness classes, I did C.B.T., I sung, I wrote, I painted pictures & pottery & I sewed pictures & I even tried ensuring I always kept myself busy. I've also had pets on & off all my life & find stroking a pet helps me to feel better. All these techniques had varying levels of success but it was exploring mindfulness that got me out of anxiety & depression (quite quickly in my case but I realise it's not always a quick fix & it's not a one-off) & I've been free of these conditions for about 7 months now.Until I explored mindfulness I thought that I was stuck with anxiety & depression all my life & nothing was going to work & make me feel better. I was just willing to try anything within reason.

It can be uncomfortable being left alone with thoughts & feelings. What helps me most is my dreamy & imaginative side which I love & my ability to think in rhyme sometimes which I also love. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to cry but there's a time & a place to cry because of how society sees things. For this reason, if we're crying on a whim we need to do something about it.

I agree with everything that you've had to say & hope that what I've had to say helps others & gives them hope.

Ann

[antonran11]

Once I had to do this - to avoid the feelings that made me doubt my sexual orientation,thus, I sacrificed love (possibly mutual) as a sacrifice of a socially imposed form, such as those around me wanted to see
but it hurt,but such is life, we sacrifice our desires, otherwise it will hurt others, or some just don’t have the strength of mind to break the imposed frames to become happy,
Of course, if it is not connected with violation of laws and ethical rules, you can and should be happy, and do everything for this