Being very quiet when mindful

[Gareth]

I just want to reinforce Jon's words about comparing yourself to others. It barely does any good in my opinion.

[Adamm]

Hi guys!
I am back in this topic. Recently I have been watching lots of Bashar videos. He talks a lot about consciousness, parallel realities, beliefs etc.

I understood that we perceive our reality by beliefs we have. Everything we see is neutral, but our beliefs make it scary, pleasant etc. In my opinion what he is saying is connected to mindfulness, because every emotion can be physically felt in our body; so by observing what we feel we detach from our beliefs and therefore make a situation neutral/peaceful. That's what mindfulness it about.

In my case, because I had Erythrophobia, I developed a belief that it is better to stay quiet and stay invisible; to not express my emotions and to just hide. Now when I am practising mindfulness it is better, but I can feel that belief is still there. I cannot let go.

In posts before people suggested to just accept who you are. I do not think that is the only thing you should do. For example when you are fat, you can accept yourself, but you can strive towards being fit and healthy, without any attachments.

Anyone have any ideas how to change that belief? I tried visualizing having a good time talking to people, feeling positive energy of expressing my self, but belief is still there.

[piedwagtail91]

I'd change the word belief to thought. I stopped trying to change who I am but because of that I changed.
What I saw as a lack of social or communication skills somehow changed.
part of my job as a volunteer was going to orientation meetings for new participants and to workshops for health professionals wanting to learn mindfulness.
At these meetings I told my ' mindfulness story' and answering questions.
Before I'd done mindfulness I could never have sat in front of 20 - 30 people and done that.
It took a lot of self compassion and acceptance. Acceptance that I was going to be tongue tied, talk rubbish and get it wrong.
when I did mess up the compassion came in and i was able to carry on, no judgements,no criticism,no dwelling on those mistakes.
By approaching it with mindfulness and self compassion it just happened.
Before mindfulness it would have been a disaster.
I'd have been striving or forcing myself to get it right,with all the stress that brings.
Anxiety beforehand,judgement and criticism of mistakes.
I've done a mindfulness course with someone who was overweight.
They'd spent most of their life on diets.
Over the eight weeks they lost a lot of weight by accepting themselves as they were and eating mindfuly. They gave themselves a lot of compassion instead of judging and criticising themselves.
For them acceptance and self compassion from mindfulness allowed the to feel better about themselves and they lost a lot of weight without trying.
They escaped from the eat, feel guilty, comfort eat,feel guilty vicious circle.
It happened for them without striving.

It's not about striving for anything. That will almost always lead to disappointment when things don't go as you'd like.

[Adamm]

Yes, I believe what you said is true. I am overeating too and I do it when I am stressed. I guess this shows that I am not mindful enough.

I have one more question, because I think I am lacking purpose. For example after I meditate or when I am tired. I would just sit in the chair and just relax. i know I have to study or it would be better to do something, but I just sit and relax without purpose. I do not feel the drive to accomplish my goals. Is there any way I can solve that with mindfulness.

[piedwagtail91]

i wish i could help with that!!
i've been told that i need to sit and relax more!

you're part way to helping yourself with that though because you're already aware that you're sitting and relaxing, you're not doing it mindlessly, though there does seem to be some judgement creeping in.

maybe you could look at it from a different angle.
do you really need to study after meditation or when you're tired?
why do you need to do that?
obviously if it's for exams then maybe after meditation is a good time to study, but if not then what's wrong with relaxing?
the body needs rest to repair itself.
sitting and relaxing when you're tired is giving yourself compassion.

i've started to sit and relax for just a few minutes after meditating, just to let the benefits of meditation set in, i used to get up from the mat straight away and take the dog out, straight back into rushing around.

i have goals (trying to get some suitable voluntary work) but i try to encourage myself to move towards them rather than telling myself 'i must'.