Times Are Changing

[Gareth]

Due to MS, I was off work for a large amount of 2011. I hadn't been diagnosed long, I was feeling physically weak, and on reflection, I was probably a little bit depressed.

But I was meditating every day, and as I started to notice a difference, I increased the amount of time that I was meditating. Slowly but surely, this practice began to transform me - to a point where I wanted to make a return to work. I ended up with a low stress, low workload job near to my home and I made a phased return to work. This is the job that I have been doing up until now, and I'm now back up to full-time hours. I have been very lucky for this past year, because I have had plenty enough time to work on Everyday Mindfulness while I have been at work.

But things are changing. The department I have been working in is soon to be no more, and work have just come up with an alternate job for me; one that I will be starting very soon. I get the feeling that it's going to be much harder work.

The disease is still here and still progressing albeit slowly. It remains to be seen as to whether I am going to be able to sustain this.

The reason that I am posting this here is just to show that no mind is immune to worry and anxiety. I have been practising mindfulness solidly for three years now, yet as soon as all this started happening, my mind started constantly going to the future "you're not going to be able to cope with the extra workload," "Everyday Mindfulness is going to suffer because of this," "you're going to be too exhausted to give quality time to your boys." I have dragged my mind back to the present moment about a thousand times today already, and it's only 1pm. It's always the future with me, just my mind dreaming up how things are going to be, when in reality, I have no idea.

Prescription: meditation.

[JonW]

Hi Gareth,
Sorry to hear things are tough.
As ever, you are a beautiful example of mindfulness in motion.
Wishing you all the best, my friend.
Jon

[Bitterballen]

Thanks for sharing this story. I am always inspired after readings your experiences with mindfulness.

[ONE: Deeper Peace]

It's inspiring to hear your story. Reminds me that mindfulness is not about becoming less human, but becoming more aware of my own humanness and honouring it with compassion and kindness. Thank you so much.

[Gareth]

I felt particularly human last night when I couldn't sleep because my mind was continuously in the future again. This kind of thing has been really rare for me these days; I'm actually very surprised that this external event has caused so much turmoil in my mind. The person lying awake in bed last night, thinking continuously is a person that hasn't been around for eighteen months or more.

I am going to take my own advice and see the positive in this situation. Although I can't stop my mind going to the future; I do know that these are just thoughts. They are in no way reflective of what the reality is going to be like. Change can be good as well as bad, and it is inevitable so it's much better to work with it. This is a lifetime's practice because those external events will keep happening.

[Cheesus]

Hi Gareth

Sounds like you are doing really well. My health deteriorated recently and so my anxiety had increased. I have a couple of suggestions for you:

1. If I notice I'm worrying about something I find the physical location of that worry in my body and talk to it. I use very gentle, calming phrases and this helps sooth the reptilian part of my brain and brings me back into the present.

2. I watched a Mike Mosley Panorama during Summer that was looking at neuroplasticity and how we can become more positive. Obviously it sounds like you are already doing fantastically, and one of the key tools in his arsenal was mindfulness. However, the other tool was a brain training game that presented him with a number of faces, all of them angry or sad except one which was happy or smiling. The purpose of the game was to pick out the happy face from all of the disgruntled ones. Over time it teaches the brain to automatically pick out positivity from seemingly negative scenarios. There is an iPhone/Android app called Pysch Me Up! which simulates the same thing.

Keep it up Gareth!
Alex

[Gareth]

I saw the same program. It annoyed me a bit because it was hardly scientific in the fact that they were trying two methods at the same time: which method was responsible for the improvements he got?

I like suggestion 1 that you made, and I'll give it a go. The most calming thing for me is always sound. When I can keep my attention on the sounds around me, my anxiety level is always much lower.

[Cheesus]

Yeah I remember thinking that. But I also figure that if they must have tested it more scientifically to warrant it being on the show.

It's interesting you find sounds soothing. I always find the physical sensation of touch soothing, and will bring my attention to anywhere my body is in contact with something.

Yes, the calming, self-talk is very effective. I have also recently begun to realise that those anxious parts of me are motivated out of a love for myself and a wish for happiness. When I realise that it is much easier to have a compassionate stance towards those difficult emotions.

[Metaphysical Me]

Hi Gareth,

I wanted to recommend two resources, that you might find helpful.

I struggle with chronic pain issues too and know my trigemial nerve all too well too, from migraines.

I really, really like the book "How to be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers" by Toni Bernhard

Here's a link to it: http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Sick-Buddhist-Inspired-Chronically-Caregivers/dp/0861716264/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386457422&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+be+sick

You might find this interesting too, Cheesus, as Toni Bernhard has chronic fatigue / M.E. and describes her struggles with it in detail.

Also, I have some guided meditations especially for chronic pain, by Dr. Jackie Gardener-Nix, from a renowned pain clinic in Canada. I think they've been made incredibly professionally and are very high quality.

You can find details on their website: http://www.neuronovacentre.com/
And the meditations are available through their online store (See: "Meditations for The Mindfulness Solution to Pain")

You can also check out the book "The Mindfulness Solution to Pain" which is also really great. Here is the Amazon link (with a "look inside" option):

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Solution-Pain-Step---step/dp/1572245816/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386457662&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfulness+solution+to+pain

[Cheesus]

Way agead of you, MM. I've got ger book and also listened to her podcast on Audiodharma.org. Thanks for the heads up, though.