Everyday Mindfulness

I have experienced anxiety for most of my life and for the past few years anxiety has impeded on my capacity to work. I have a great psychiatrist and am looking into finding a new therapist that specializes in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy. With the help of mindfulness meditation I am finding myself less overwhelmed and less reactive to the thoughts and emotions that pass by. There is one fear that continues to show up in meditation though that I'm hoping someone could shed some light on.

“Ego says, ‘Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace.’ Spirit says, ‘Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.’” ~Marianne Williamson

I feel that my peace of mind is to be found somewhere in an ideal future where my anxiety doesn't prevent me from working and I am able to support myself. I feel a lot of pressure to recover and to do so as soon as possible. Where as I am able to sit with most fears and allow them to pass in their own time, I feel that this fear is very valid and I am constantly trying to grasp at it and entertain it. It is fueling a lot of my current anxiety. I don't feel that I can rest until everything falls into place.

If anybody could offer some perspective on my situation I would be most grateful! It helps to have others to share my experience with and I thank you if you have taken the time to read this far.

Reem wrote:I feel that my peace of mind is to be found somewhere in an ideal future where my anxiety doesn't prevent me from working and I am able to support myself.

Remember that this is a story built up by thoughts.

What does your current mindfulness practice look like?

I have been dealing with anxiety for the last 10 years so I can relate to this. For about 5 of those years I was totally consumed by it and it basically ran my life. Pretty much the only goal I had was to figure out how to get rid of it. I was so consumed by it and completely determined to fix my anxiety and that was what was actually making it worse. So it’s kind of a paradox where the more attention you give it and the more you focus on it or fight it the longer it will persist. Although you want to get rid of it and have that as a goal, I think the better approach is to try to be okay with it. Just pay attention to it and observe it and don’t try to fight it or make it go away as much. And trust me I know that is easier said than done.

I would be careful about putting pressure on yourself to get rid of it and to do it soon…..as that could make it stay (or even get worse potentially).

Hi Reem,

You say:

I feel that my peace of mind is to be found somewhere in an ideal future where my anxiety doesn't prevent me from working and I am able to support myself.

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Unfortunately the future you refer to doesn't exist. You can't control the future. You can only control how you relate to your feelings now. But if you can do that, you may find that a better future unfolds. It is a kind of paradox.

Learning to accept your current situation is not necessarily easy. It will likely seem ridiculously counter-intuitive and wrong to accept the feelings that you desperately want to go away. But that is the way through them. It seems to make no sense to take up mindfulness in order to manage anxiety and then be asked to feel that very anxiety. It can take a while to even hear this message, let alone understand it, or benefit from it. But the message is this: to change a painful emotional experience it is first necessary to turn towards it and experience it fully.

Or, as I'm fond of saying: If you feel anxious, but don't mind feeling anxious, then you don't feel anxious.

When you turn towards your feelings with kindness and curiosity they gradually cease to seem so threatening. You develop the capacity to tolerate them. Eventually, you make friends with them. You begin to see them as allies rather than enemies.

But go gently. Don't force yourself to face more than you can.

Good luck!

''If you feel anxious, but don't mind feeling anxious, then you don't feel anxious.''

That is my experience to date, I never thought I'd have the courage to face it let alone befriend it and even though some level of anxiety can remain I like it (oddly) as I have become curious about it.

That's a really good way of putting it.

Thank you all for your guidance ! I am very grateful.

Hi Gareth. My current mindfulness practice involves reading books as well as articles based around mindfulness. In meditation I pay attention to my breath and when a thought comes up I label it and gently return to my breath. When a tough emotion comes up I allow it to be there, stay with it for a few moments and then come back to my breath. I still am not sure if I am practising mindful meditation properly but this is my practice.

Scooter ! Your words were most helpful. Pay attention to the anxiety and observe it and don’t try to fight it or make it go away as much. I understood in theory what you are talking about but I guess I needed to hear another person apply it to my situation.

Matt =) You brought to attention my need for control and pressure that I place on myself to do so. I think that is an area where I can learn to give some more space.

I feel that a lot of my resistance to life as well as my need to force my ideas upon life stem from fear. I should definitely look into finding a therapist to help me identify and work through some of my fears. Meditation will definitely be a greater help then. In the meantime I will be sure to post on this forum my questions.