Everyday Mindfulness

Hi I am new to this topic & was looking for advice or views on what I am currently experiencing. I have suffered depression / anxiety for past 4 years and have came off medication about 9 weeks ago. And I had been recommended mindfulness by a friend, and a book called "Mindfulness: A Practical guide to finding peace in frantic world" by Prof. Mark Williams. I was eager to try & be pro-active & try & deal with anxiety/depression before I had any relapse & require meds, as the meds just seemed to wrap me in a bubble & I felt emotionless on them.
So I started to undertake the 8 week programme as described in the book and I felt great after week 1, but I am half way through week 2 & I suffered for no reason, what can only be described as my first actual anxiety attack 2 days ago. And following this Yesterday I had an extreme episode of unwarranted jealousy by a simple post of a picture of my wife at a night-out, which resulted an anxiety/panic attack that lasted a few hours & which has left me feeling sick & anxious since. I completed an 15 minute body scan last night before bed & while doing the meditation I honestly felt great, but again when I woke this morning I am still a little anxious & feeling sick (as if something bad has happened). These feeling are a total 180 to the feelings I had experienced at the end of week 1, I had for the first time in years felt a little joy and happiness in fleeting moments which gave me hope that I could then to start to live & not just exist in life.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? Is this the process of mindfulness opening me up to feelings & sensations that I have previously suppressed? And does it get better? Do I learn to cope with these feelings / thoughts later on in programme. Or should I accept that maybe mindfulness is not for me? Any help on this would really be greatly appreciated.

Hi ACC67,
Welcome to the forum.
You ask, "Is this the process of mindfulness opening me up to feelings & sensations that I have previously suppressed? And does it get better?"
If someone has suffered severe anxiety or depression, it's not unusual for the initial weeks of the practice to be challenging. The good sign is that you experienced some positive benefits during week one.
As the course develops, the practice does involve turning towards difficulties and it's carefully calibrated to lead you gently towards that.
By all means continue with the course but it might be an idea to talk it through with your GP. Nine weeks is not long to be off anti-depressants.
The important thing is to be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Though the course is an 8-week one, it's not etched in stone that you have to do it over eight weeks. If it feels right, take a couple of weeks on a certain "week" and move on to the next when you're good and ready.
It might be that you find that you need to find a good teacher rather than do the course via the book. If there are no classes available in your area, an online course might be an option. If that's something that interests you, just holler and I'm sure we can point you in the direction of a good teacher.
Meanwhile, we're a friendly bunch on here and will always do our best to offer help and support. So don't hesitate to fire off any questions that come up for you.
Wishing you all good things,
Jon, Hove

Hi,

It sounds like you are taking a trip on the proverbial emotional rollercoaster; but that's no surprise given your history and that fact that you've recently come off medication.

There are two things worth noting.

1. If you persist with your exploration of mindfulness you will certainly become much more skillful at managing your thoughts and emotions, including your anxiety and depression; and there's a good chance that you will be able to stay off the medication permanently.

2. It will take time. Any skill worth developing requires commitment and patience. It takes most of us at least a year to learn to walk. I would recommend that you give yourself a similar timeframe to learn about mindfulness. And expect to wriggle, crawl, roll and bump your way to your feet!

Thank you for both of the replies & encouragement, it is greatly appreciated. I really would like to see this through & become mindful day to day as I feel as if my families lives as well my own life has been on hold for 4 years due to my illness, so it would be good to have some resemblance to the man/father/husband I was before the depression and anxiety, as my wife & kids deserve to be happy.

JonW - I am currently working overseas in a remote location so no possible to do classes which would have been the preferable option. I would appreciate if you could point me to a good online course.

Thanks

ACC, I would definitely recommend a book called At Last A Life by Paul David.

Paul is an ex-sufferer of anxiety. Believe me when I say I have tried everything (initially to beat anxiety. Took years to learn that's the exact wrong tactic as it becomes a vicious circle and makes things worse) including spending a few grand at The Priory.

This book was the first thing I came across after 15 years trying every different method available to man to really spell it all out and give you the information/tools to get your life back. I'm far from fixed believe me, but this book is the dogs danglies if you've been in a crazy mixed up anxiety bubble for the last 4 years.

The author, at the time of writing, knew nothing of mindfulness but there are quite a few pieces of advice he learned when figuring his own way out that were successful that are exactly what mindfulness teaches. Especially where thoughts are concerned.

There are a hundred books out there about anxiety, but this, imho is the best. If you can learn what he teaches whilst practising mindfulness (easier said then done especially when Paul says there can only be one method, not a bunch, but I disagree and think it dovetails relatively easily) then you will take a big step forward.

All the best,

James.

Hi ACC67,
My teacher, Nick Diggins, does 1-2-1 courses via phone or Skype.
Here's his website:
http://mindfulnessforwellbeing.co.uk
Click on "courses".
He's a wonderful teacher. I recommend him very highly.
All best,
Jon

I'm nowhere near as experienced as the other posters, but I hope my story may have some use.

Your experience reminds me somewhat of yours. I don't have a depression, although several symptoms. I have problems with insomnia since half December 2014, coupled with a few anxiety attacks. The bodyscan (audiotrack of 45 minutes) converted my suffering into relaxation and bliss. I was hoping that would be the end of it. But as the others say, it takes practice. But I'd learn to master both the piano, harp and bagpipes to not experience that dread again.

During a particular session something seemed to come loose. Very dense sadness, and just after that a horrible image in my mind. After that experience I began to feel worse during the following few weeks. Dread, fear and sadness. I survived the evenings watching lectures from Buddhists and mindfulness teachers.

That was in January.
Now it's slowly but constantly getting better for me. I keep practicing. It is lessening my sleeping problems a bit, I experience no dread and despair anymore; I 'just' feel "pretty bad" during my low points (now is one, but I'm typing!). I also more often feel like doing stuff again, getting creative. And I laugh about jokes and thoughts again.
And more than not I, when the first negative feelings arise again I'm able to observe them and cut them loose (like the cord a helium-balloon)

So no doubt: I'm a meditator for life.
Even though I've had some rotten nights again, they're not nearly as bad as they used to be.

I would suggest to keep it up. At least for 8 good weeks. I'd be surprised if you didn't notice at least something. But maybe keep a line open with a professional therapist / doctor. Also, the books and nice people over here warn against practicing while in a depression.

All the best to you!

Not really one to self-promote, but I have an online meditation course available, and you're free to pay whatever you like to participate.

http://www.learn-to-meditate.com.au/

Hi, sorry to hear you're having some anxiety. I'm a mental health counselor, and can say, as you've probably already experienced, there can sometimes be setbacks as you try to overcome anxiety and depression. It is probably related to adjusting to being off the medication. You may want to discuss with your doctor resuming a low dose if it doesn't resolve. Also if you don't already have a therapist or counselor, that might be helpful as well. Continue on your mindfulness journey but as others have pointed out don't get to caught up in doing it just right or in exactly 8 weeks. The sick feeling comes from increased adrenaline. When this happens try visualizing a stop sign rinsing your brain to stop as you are jot in danger. Take a few slow deep breaths to drop the adrenaline rush as well. It may be helpful to make a list of activities you enjoy that will help you to shift focus away from the anxiety. I suggest to clients to have one or two activities from the following categories: relaxation, physical exercise, mental exercise, creative activities, outdoor chores, and indoor chores. I hope this is helpful. Let me know if you'd like more specific suggestions. Best of luck to you.

I attended a 12 week course some years ago. I also experienced increased anxiety in the early stages with set backs as I found it difficult to get into. 'Attending sessions' was very helpful as it was visibly apparent that I was not alone and everyone differs in their progress. My mindfulness journey was a bumpy road indeed.
Looking back I see I expected far too much of myself too soon. My perseverance did pay off as it has proven to be the best thing I ever learned. I continue to practice daily out of habit now. I also found physical exercise very helpful.
It doesnt matter how well you do it or when you do it. If you get overwhelmed, despondent, miss from time to time or your practice doesn't go well then just draw a line under that day and pick up next time. Be kind to yourself and good luck