On Guilt

[Gerty]

Good evening everyone. I realise, possibly through meditation, that I have been running away from things I have done or aimed to do earlier in my life which I am ashamed of. I keep replaying these events in my mind, trying to remember how & what I was thinking at the time to see how guilty I should feel.

What is the mindful approach to guilt? Can I forgive myself, whatever I have done? Should I?

I have also suffered a close bereavement which has amplified these feelings of guilt and regret in the way I was with the person concerned. I hated the way I was with them (no patience at all, even when they were only looking out for my welfare) and tried desperately to change it but my own OCD, worry and anxiety just made me so irritable and took up so much of my time, I didn't spend the time working on bettering myself.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

[JonW]

Hi Gerty,
Welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it right now.
Mindfulness practice can be a very effective way of coping with the feelings you are experiencing but, if you are feeling particularly troubled right now, this might not be the best time to begin a mindfulness practice.
Are there any experienced mindfulness teachers in your area that you could talk this through with? They would be best placed to advise whether this is a good time for you to start an 8-week mindfulness course.
Or maybe you've already done the course? You mention in your post that you do meditate? If so, what kind of practice do you have? Have you read any of the key mindfulness books - by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Mark Williams/Danny Penman etc.?
All best wishes,
Jon

[Matt Y]

Hi Gerty,

It sounds to me like you are going through a period of honest reflection. No doubt, this can be difficult, but also the crucible for growth and change. That you no longer seem to be 'running away' bodes well for the wellbeing of your relationship with yourself and others — and also suggests that you may be developing greater mindfulness around these feelings. You may like to continue developing that willingness to face, acknowledge and tolerate uncomfortable emotions, and to be a little less harsh and judgmental of them.

It sounds like some degree of forgiveness and / or atonement may be appropriate too.

You may find this post on 'Embracing guilt and shame' useful: http://karlamclaren.com/embracing-guilt-and-shame/

[Vixine]

I agree with everything that has been said so far. I would like to add from a therapist's perspective that not everything can be resolved through mindfulness. Practice can bring up some difficult things and often, being with those feelings and accepting them can be enough to eventually work though. Sometimes you also need some additional support or reflection that can come from talking to your support system or a counselor. If you continue to feel stuck then that may be something to consider.
That being said it is completely normal to have to confront some uncomfortable things when we start to meditate. I have been there, it is hard, but in the end it is better to go through this (with support if needed) than to spend our lives trying avoid and distract from these feelings.

[Gareth]

Yes, you've been given some great replies. I can't really add a great deal.

I have found so far with mindfulness that the way to move forward usually lies in acceptance. Accept these feelings of guilt, as they are a part of you and likely contain some message that is wanting to be understood. Just allow the guilt to be. Explore it, be with it, and in time it will teach the lessons that holds. It might not seem like it now, but the feeling won't last fo ever; no feeling ever does in my experience.

I wish you well in your journey.

[FeeHutch]

Hi Gerty
I've nothing to add but just wanted to say hello. I hope the replies have helped and that you stick around

[Gerty]

Some great thoughts and links, thanks!