Is it about focus or awareness? Struggling with the concept

[not_neo]

A lengthy background (to give some context):
(You canskip to "The Problem" if it's too much to read)
I started meditating about a month ago since I was struggling with social interactions, especially in a group. My mind would get cluttered with anxiety and thoughts like "I'll make a fool of myself" etc. resulting in me being quiet all the time. The problem arose when group discussions have now become a part of my professional life. So I had to find my way around it.

I had this moment one day in school, where instead of being anxious, I was just "in-the-moment" in a debate, and it had worked wonders. When I read about mindfulness, I realized that what I'd experienced in school, was in fact, mindfulness/

So I resorted to meditating, and over the past few days, my focus has noticeably improved.

I've been meditating by using focus. Like focusing on my breath, sounds or how I feel internally. But when I apply the techniques in the group discussions they often backfire. For example, if I'm hearing my boss speak, instead of being anxious about "will I be able to reply?" I focus on what I'm seeing, or my breath. But my focus gets so sharp that I can no longer hear what he's saying. If I focus on what he's saying I lose my focus on everything else happening in the room.

So I tried changing my meditation practice. Instead of focusing on one thing, I try focusing on experiencing the moment by engaging all my senses. Because honestly that's what I wanted to achieve, being present.

The problem:
Focusing on one thing seems more like me trying to distract my mind from anxious thoughts, something I don't want to do. Focusing on everything happening in the now however, simply feels like I'm blocking out thoughts rather than being present, if that makes sense. My mind feels a little taxed...it isn't really in the now, it's simply trying to avoid thoughts. What do I do?

[JonW]

Hi there.
Welcome to the forum. Good to have you on board.
It would be useful to get a bit more info about your practice. How exactly are you going about learning the basics of mindfulness? If it's studied haphazardly, the concepts can be difficult to grasp and the practice is unlikely to be properly grounded. That can lead to some of the confusion you talk about.
I'd highly recommend that you try the 8-week mindfulness course. If there's not a teacher available in your area, you might want to consider an online option. If that's not an option, the course can also be followed via a book. Finding Peace In A Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman seems to be the most popular one among members of this forum. Frantic World comes with a CD of guided meditations.
Maybe have a think about those options and, in the meantime, please feel free to ask any questions you like on the forum here. We're a friendly bunch and, even though none of us claim to be experts, we'll always do our best to help. If we're unable to help with a specific question, we'll try to guide you in the right direction.
Most importantly, please try to remember that you're at a very early stage with mindfulness. Sometimes it takes a while to bed down. It won't be rushed. Practice is key but no more so than patience and self-compassion.
My best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[not_neo]

Thank you for that very warm welcome. Really appreciate it.

I started learning under a teacher my friend recommended. The first week started with simply observing thoughts. Taking ten minutes to just see what the mind is thinking. Week 2 was about focusing on sensations within the body. Week 3 was focusing on breath. I've over-simplified here, but he guides his students through the process.

While he is a certified instructor (Yoga and meditation), I still decided to expand my knowledge on the topic. I am currently reading Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana and Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon-Kabbat Zinn. I will definitely check out the book you've recommended and the 8-week course.

[Gareth]

It sounds to me like you're making a really good start, but as Jon says, mindfulness is not an overnight thing. Despite this being a very simple concept, mindfulness can be really difficult to get your head around, as you are finding out. Practice is of paramount importance, so keep meditating (even when you don't want to), and keep checking in with us. We will do our best to help you.

Is mindfulness about focus or awareness? My view is that it is primarily about awareness. It just so happens that continued practice seems to bring about a great deal more focus for most people (it has me anyway).

Awareness of the breath is just one way to meditate, or to come back to the present moment throughout the day. It can be a great antidote to anxiety as you have found. You can meditate to sound too, or the feelings in the body.

A major benefit for many people with mindfulness is being aware of what you're doing while you're doing it i.e. disengaging the autopilot. So while you are in the meeting, you can really be in the meeting, listening and responding in a more effective manner.

This process can take time though, so go really easy on yourself.

[not_neo]

"A major benefit for many people with mindfulness is being aware of what you're doing while you're doing it i.e. disengaging the autopilot. So while you are in the meeting, you can really be in the meeting, listening and responding in a more effective manner. "

^That is the primary aim of my practice. My discomfort grew when I could clearly see a difference between being present and being focused.

For example, I love movies. At times, I'm so engrossed in them that I may not realize someone's talking to me. To me, that's focus. Whereas in a brainstorming session for example, I can't afford to just be engrossed in what the others are saying. I also need to be present to add to it.

I'm sorry if I just sound like a beginner who's getting ahead of himself. I meant to check if there are actually different meditations for 'being present', while much of my sessions seem to be aimed towards a sharper focus.

Of course, if getting a sharper focus is more of a stepping stone to being present, then I'll happily resume my current methods of meditation.

Definitely not giving up though. I'm doing this to quiet that nagging noise which tries to convince me that everything I'm doing is a waste.

[Gareth]

For example, I love movies. At times, I'm so engrossed in them that I may not realize someone's talking to me. To me, that's focus. Whereas in a brainstorming session for example, I can't afford to just be engrossed in what the others are saying. I also need to be present to add to it.

You will be more effective in a brainstorming session if you are really listening to what people have to say. Mindfulness does not preclude you from thinking and coming up with a response when the time is right. Brainstorming is perhaps a bad example, because the entire purpose of the thing is thinking. If you're listening to what the others are saying then I would say you are being present.

I'm doing this to quiet that nagging noise which tries to convince me that everything I'm doing is a waste.

The nagging voice is saying that meditation is a waste?

[JonW]

Hi not-neo (is that a Matrix reference?)
These are good questions to be asking yourself at this stage in your practice. To me, they're signs that you are warming to it nicely.
In my experience, the concepts of mindfulness slowly but surely become engrained. Old, unhealthy habits are replaced by new, healthy habits. The mind becomes much more settled. A strong sense of being becomes imbued.
The early sessions on the course are geared more towards focus. And there's a good reason for that, all about grounding the practice. With each week, the meditations open out more towards a sense of being.
Word to the wise. I'd advise against taking on too much reading at this early stage.
Is it an 8-week course you teacher is taking you through?
If so, I'd personally recommend that you see that course through and then, if you feel the urge, investigate the Mark Williams/Danny Penman book or something similar. With that initial enthusiasm, which you've clearly got, the temptation is to over-splurge on mindfulness. I'd say that the practice tends to be more beneficial when it's allowed to slowly percolate into your bones.
I hope you stick around here on Everyday Mindfulness. Again, be assured that we're always on hand to help or advise.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

[not_neo]

You will be more effective in a brainstorming session if you are really listening to what people have to say. Mindfulness does not preclude you from thinking and coming up with a response when the time is right. Brainstorming is perhaps a bad example, because the entire purpose of the thing is thinking. If you're listening to what the others are saying then I would say you are being present.



The nagging voice is saying that meditation is a waste?

Not exactly. The voice has subdued in terms of making me want to stop practicing. But now I get the feeling that the practice I'm doing is not exactly fitting my needs. I have a suspicion that this "doubt" I have is a form of resistance from the voice. So I thought I'll just clear it out and get back to it.

[not_neo]

Hi not-neo (is that a Matrix reference?)
These are good questions to be asking yourself at this stage in your practice. To me, they're signs that you are warming to it nicely.
In my experience, the concepts of mindfulness slowly but surely become engrained. Old, unhealthy habits are replaced by new, healthy habits. The mind becomes much more settled. A strong sense of being becomes imbued.
The early sessions on the course are geared more towards focus. And there's a good reason for that, all about grounding the practice. With each week, the meditations open out more towards a sense of being.
Word to the wise. I'd advise against taking on too much reading at this early stage.
Is it an 8-week course you teacher is taking you through?
If so, I'd personally recommend that you see that course through and then, if you feel the urge, investigate the Mark Williams/Danny Penman book or something similar. With that initial enthusiasm, which you've clearly got, the temptation is to over-splurge on mindfulness. I'd say that the practice tends to be more beneficial when it's allowed to slowly percolate into your bones.
I hope you stick around here on Everyday Mindfulness. Again, be assured that we're always on hand to help or advise.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

Haha, yes it is a Matrix reference. This used to be username for almost every website back when the movie was a rage. Now it's just become my go-to name.

Thank you for the advice. I will go on with my practice and if my doubt/problem still exists, I'll come back for help.


I did, in fact, realize that I shouldn't do too much. When my mind saw results, it immediately wanted to do more. But then, there's a good chance I'll just overwhelm myself and stop altogether. My teacher has recommended a 3 month course, after which I can simply continue practicing his teachings without his assistance. I am only reading books that don't outline a "method" of meditating but simply elaborate the concept of mindfulness. That way I can improve my understanding of the concept without trying too many things at once.

[Gareth]

I think "that voice" needs to be listened to, because that voice is part of you. I'm not saying that the voice is right but keep listening anyway.

I started meditating as part of a wholesale lifestyle change to help me lessen the impact of MS on my life. One of the changes was a strict dietary regime also. I used to have a little voice too that told me that I would be happier if I could eat a more varied diet. In the end, I did listen to the voice and ended the diet. I think it was definitely the right thing to do.

All I'm saying is that the voice deserves to be heard. I usually find that more meditation does the trick. Get still and eventually the right decision becomes clearer.