Mind chatter vs reality of life (and wanting things)

[rko_]

Hello, I am growing frustrated with myself and wanted some general advice. I am trying to practice mindfulness and I'm doing regular meditations just to improve general quality of life (health and mind).

It seems that no matter what I'm doing in life, my mind seems to change what it wants often I get the "grass is always greener" chatting. Whether I'm single and wanting a girlfriend or in a relationship and then thinking "maybe I'd be happier alone". Me and my girlfriend regularly practice mindfulness together and we're very similar in experiencing these patterns of thoughts even though we love each other tremendously.

Is it right to think that this is all related to the need of "wanting new things" - the same way I'd obsess over buying a new guitar or a new video game every week. I tend to see similar patterns with wanting and then after a while becoming bored and wanting something else - I really don't want to apply these behaviours to relationships as it's completely destructive to do so.

Anyone's opinions would be great.

Annoyed with himself,
Garry.

[Gareth]

How long have you been practising?

You are probably never going to stop thoughts like this arising. With continued practice, you might find that your mind gets quieter; mine did anyway. But then every mind is different, and it's difficult to say the effect of the practice on one person over the next.

I'm pretty sure that mindfulness has something to offer every single human being out there though. The point of meditation is to become tolerant of all the different weird and wonderful thoughts that we have. For example, you have a thought such as "my life would be better if I had a girlfriend," you acknowledge the thought and let it pass, before it develops into a story in your head.

Does this make sense?

[rko_]

Hi Gareth,

I've been practicing regularly for about 6 months but I tend to get drawn into not meditating regularly but then practicing mindfulness when doing other things like driving or going on a walk.

I see my mind as drawing me back into familiar thinking patterns but then I question whether it's doing it for a reason (like I need to make changes in my life) and the more this happens the more I start to wander off into stories in my mind.

I suppose I practice it to bring more calm and patience to myself - as no matter what I'm doing in life - I'm always going to wonder if I can do things differently or if there is a chosen "path" that I should be leading (which I suppose is the actual problem in itself) and then you apply these queries into the reality of life whether it's work, relationships or whatever else.

Thanks for the advice though I'm obviously going to keep meditating and practice as much as possible as I think we, as humans, are always "naturally" going to query everything we do and every choice we make.

Cheers,
Garry.

[piedwagtail91]

hi garry
it sounds like you could be overthinking things and that your mindfulness could possibly be bit goal orientated.
the results you want will come about by meditating and allowing them to evolve naturally.
if you try to make them happen then you'll just be frustrated.
mindfulness isn't about trying to get anywhere or make anything happen.
when you meditate you may not be calm,patient or relaxed, every meditation is different.
mindfulness is about being (or trying to be !!!) with what's here right now.
accepting without judging or striving, just being with 'what is' will develop patience, by starting to accept things as they are rather than how you'd like them to be.
it takes time.and it's not that easy sometimes.
we're on week two of a new course and lots of people are in the same position as you are now.it can be frustrating, but then when they feel frustrated we ask them to notice what that frustration feels like in the body, that gets them out of the thought process.
it's the same (most of the time) with other emotions, out of the head/thoughts and into where you feel that emotion in the body.not to make it go away but to be with it , explore and experience it.
it can take a year or so to work out just what mindfulness is and does, and how it works it's way into your everyday life.
mick

[Gareth]

Yes I agree wholeheartedly with Mick.

Try and lose any goals you have for the practice and commit yourself to a period of daily meditation.

Many of these answers only come with time.

[rko_]

Thanks for responses guys will do my best to not make things goal orientated

[JonW]

"Is it right to think that this is all related to the need of "wanting new things" - the same way I'd obsess over buying a new guitar or a new video game every week. I tend to see similar patterns with wanting and then after a while becoming bored and wanting something else - I really don't want to apply these behaviours to relationships as it's completely destructive to do so."
It's all about wanting life to be different than it is, whether that's a new guitar or a new girlfriend. But they're only desires and so, in effect, only thoughts. If we examine those thoughts we'll find that they have no actual solidity or substance.
Toni Packer and Charlotte Joko Beck are two writers who are very wise on this subject. Highly recommended.

[Steve]

Following on from what Jon says, the always wanting somethings else, the grass being greener elsewhere etc is something I sometimes observe in myself. Sometimes it just appears as restlessness. This suggests to me that you are looking for happiness in some imagined future or you might be postponing feeling good until something is changed or achieved. This is like chasing the end of a rainbow. The mindful alternative to this is learning to live in and appreciate the present moment. Happiness is not found from external things, or in the future, it can only be found inside yourself and in the present moment. Like many others, i find this challenging but when I do manage to slow down and appreciate or savour the present moment, usually just little things (most of life's true pleasures are in fact just simple things), a sense of peace and contentment, of oneness with the world, does appear. I find this is much easier to achive on a still, calm, sunny day when its easy to just enjoy the present moment. But then I remember that I have the choice to feel the same whatever the weather is - I don't need to allow the weather to dictate my attitude, how I feel or how happy or peaceful I feel. Its obviously easier to practice this when the weather is fine and then try it when the weather is just OK rather than trying immediately to find your internal peace when there is a storm raging. I find thinking about these things in terms of the weather very useful and then realise that life's events and everything we experiece is, of course, just another type of 'weather'.

I hope these random ramblings make some sense!

Steve

[rara]

Hello, I am growing frustrated with myself and wanted some general advice. I am trying to practice mindfulness and I'm doing regular meditations just to improve general quality of life (health and mind).

It seems that no matter what I'm doing in life, my mind seems to change what it wants often I get the "grass is always greener" chatting. Whether I'm single and wanting a girlfriend or in a relationship and then thinking "maybe I'd be happier alone". Me and my girlfriend regularly practice mindfulness together and we're very similar in experiencing these patterns of thoughts even though we love each other tremendously.

Is it right to think that this is all related to the need of "wanting new things" - the same way I'd obsess over buying a new guitar or a new video game every week. I tend to see similar patterns with wanting and then after a while becoming bored and wanting something else - I really don't want to apply these behaviours to relationships as it's completely destructive to do so.

Anyone's opinions would be great.

Annoyed with himself,
Garry.

Desire and excitement - ask yourself everyday..."why would I want to throw away permanent love and a feeling of security of short thrills? Do I want longevity of peace or a scatty lifestyle with no foundations?"

Contemplate. My two cents

[rara]

This is like chasing the end of a rainbow. The mindful alternative to this is learning to live in and appreciate the present moment.

"Like"

In fact, I'd go as far as to say "chasing the dragon" ... Attachment in its many forms: from Heroin to Crack to latest games consoles, TVs, cars etc. If you always dispose of stuff in order to get something knew, you'll never be satisfied with anything that you have.

How does that make you feel about your own body? The only place you inhabit. Hmmmm....

More contemplation!