Everyday Mindfulness

Hello to everyone. I have been dabbling in mindfulness for 5 years but see myself as a newbie as only recently have I thrown myself fully into it. Before I was using it haphazardly, when my normal mode of operation became too much.

I need help with worry. I constantly worry about what-ifs. It is as though I feel compelled to think the scenarios through until I feel that they are unlikely to happen. The problem is, I will see domething whcih reminds me of the scenario I am worried about, and the cycle begins again.

I do see a psychiatrist for anxiety and am on various meds. He is of the mind that I need to settle before any cognitive work is done. The thing is, I think that my mind is so out of kilter that the best view would be to not associate with it so much, instead of trying to 'fix' it.

The problem is with these worries. If I don't think them through until I feel assured, the feeling of doom and dread is horrific. It's difficult not to listen to your mind and emotions when they are screaming!!

I am currently working through Full Catastrophe Living and CDs. I am only in week 2. To strengthen my informal practice, I am also about to read The Miracle Of Mindfulness.

But how do you folk deal with the 'what ifs' and that awful feeling of hopelessness that accompanies them?

Thanks for reading!

Hi Mindfulness Newbie,
Mindfulness Newbie wrote:

“I need help with worry. I constantly worry about what-ifs. It is as though I feel compelled to think the scenarios through until I feel that they are unlikely to happen. The problem is, I will see domething whcih reminds me of the scenario I am worried about, and the cycle begins again.”

Maybe you heard about “Don’t think about pink elephant! Pink elephant, don’t think about it!”
Or the same as trying “too much” to sleep. The more we try to sleep, the harder we can sleep.
Normally, our bodies will sleep by themselves, even we don’t do anything about them. And normally, our minds will “forget” about the last thought/feeling and continue the next one. The same old thought still stays just because we “keep” it.
So does worry. Mind cannot really focus on two tasks at the same time. If you realize that you are worrying, then watch your thought/feeling (with mindfulness), and normally it will be gone. If not, don’t burden your worry with another worry! Just let it go. It will change by itself. So, lets it be natural, as it is.
Anyway, we have some old (bad) habits. If after we did all above and it still didn’t’ work, again, don’t worry. We just need a bit more practice. And maybe we have to use another method for a while, to help ourselves to “forget” our worries. For example, listen to good music etc.

Mindfulness Newbie wrote:

“The problem is with these worries. If I don't think them through until I feel assured, the feeling of doom and dread is horrific. It's difficult not to listen to your mind and emotions when they are screaming!!”

-hmmm…ask yourself, then, how many times what you worried in advance about scenarios were not true? I’m sure that most of the time, it turned out to be just only your worry, and not true, right?
More than that, no way you/we can think anything clearly if our minds are clouded with worry, right?
Hope this helps.

The thing is, you can probably never make the "what ifs" ever go away. I haven't managed to in three years of practice.I've just got better at letting them go that's all, through lots and lots of practice. If you can let them go early, they don't develop into doomsday scenarios in your mind that you are better off not seeing. The "what ifs" are an important characteristic of our brains, but we need to learn how to let them go when they aren't important.

In the early stages of mindfulness, what's important is practice.

Hello Newbie and welcome to the forums.

It is good to hear you have some help and support with the anxiety as well as being proactive in trying to further your mindfulness practice. I am glad you found us and hope you will stick around and share your journey with us, you are not alone in your questions and experiences.

Thanks for your help!

Affirmations. Repeat over and over to yourself in your own mind during practice (and even outside of) that the future is non-existent and only what you do now will shape the future anyway.

Another thing to ask yourself. Why should you let that imaginary voice rule you?

And another technique, laugh at the voice saying "what if". Brush it away like a ludicrous comment you might read one day in a tabloid.

Whatever you do, detach yourself from what is effectively a false entity or idea that is buried in the useless subconscious.

Let me know how you get on

Mindfulness Newbie wrote:The problem is, I will see domething whcih reminds me of the scenario I am worried about, and the cycle begins again.

I do see a psychiatrist for anxiety and am on various meds. He is of the mind that I need to settle before any cognitive work is done. The thing is, I think that my mind is so out of kilter that the best view would be to not associate with it so much, instead of trying to 'fix' it.

That something that you see, gradually spend time with it. Invite it in for a tea. At first you'll be nervous as hell, granted...but like I say, do it gradually. Focus on it, and explore...and remember to breathe calmly.

Imagine if you were learning to drive and you jumped straight into the car, put your foot down and hoped for the best. Yeah, that would scare me too! Be gentle, and even get an instructor to help you face such things that worry you. Bit by bit.

When you realise that it was nothing to worry about all along, you will slowly overcome the phobia. Then repeat practice!

Your psychiatrist is right. The base level is to balance yourself thus making cognitive work easier. If you try to "fix" it, you admit to there being a breakage. There is no such thing...you just need to quit the path that you've been on for so long and change direction. i.e When your instincts say "worry", you answer with "Very well. I'll breathe gentle and focus on my breath"

I'm so sarcastically obedient But hey, that works for me. Give it a try!

Thanks, Rara, I will give it a try!

"The problem is with these worries. If I don't think them through until I feel assured, the feeling of doom and dread is horrific."

getting involved with your thoughts is just feeding them.
i know at first it's difficult to stop but really meditation should help.
just noticing these thoughts when they arise, noticing that they are thoughts and trying to let them go.
if you can't do that and you get to the feeling of doom and dread then noticing where in your body you feel that doom and dread and taking your awareness there and using that as a focus can help.
when the thoughts come back , again trying to just notice them and let them go and coming back to the sensations in your body.
beginning to learn to work in your body with the sensations that these feeling/emotions bring and not in your head with thoughts is probably the best way forwards, even if it's only for a short time at first and then building on it.
don't try to think your way out of them , it usually doesn't work.

piedwagtail91 wrote:getting involved with your thoughts is just feeding them.

Yep! I second this.

Don't give them the time of day