Stress during the course

[Gipsygirl]

Hi
I am 6 weeks in to the course, which I have really struggled with. The first 2 to 3 weeks, I got myself very agitated that I couldn't work out how to do it, or how do you take awareness to your stomach, and that I was a failure even at this, so it was making my depression kick back. I did have a chat with the teacher who was reassuring it wasn't me. She reckoned that due to my background, my ability to actually connect with feelings in my body has been really suppressed, so I find it hard to work out what it feels like to sit or how nerves feel in my body. I struggled too to find the time and energy. Unfortunately since then my Dad has become seriously ill and I have spent over a week sitting by his bed, watching him fading horribly and slowly. I am aware that mindfulness could be helpful but I am so preoccupied I can't work out how to do it. I am feeling really bad that I am failing the course and 6 weeks in can't feel that I have learned much: I have tried to focus on small things like washing my hands but the enormity of the amount of work in the workbook really intimidates me. Any advice welcome.

[Vixine]

Hi Gipsygirl,
It sounds like this is a very hard time for you, and since the practice is very new for you, I can imagine it would be very difficult to access under such stress. Please try not to be hard on yourself. I think the little things you are doing are wonderful, any time here or there that you can tune into the moment, and to your breathing or physical sensations, is good. Getting in a short practice now and then, even if it is just a 3-minute breathing space, would be good but it's okay too if you don't. If you need to take a break from the course or just move more slowly through it, that is fine, you can dive back in later when it feels right. This sounds like a time when a very important part of your practice will be to go easy on yourself, and take good care of yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this - I hope you continue to seek support here and in person during such a hard time.

[FeeHutch]

Hello Gipsygirl,

I can only echo what Vixine says. I have been practicing mindfulness for quite a long time now and I am currently working my way through a year long course from Headspace. I am not managing every day or even every other day right now. There is a lot going on and I struggle to remain seated most of the time because I feel agitated or in a lot of physical pain. So this can happen at any point in your mindfulness journey.

As Vixine says trying to get the odd mindful moment or breathing space in during the day is great but if you can't, don't beat yourself up for it. It sounds like you have a lot going on but also like you have a supportive teacher and us of course.