Everyday Mindfulness

Hello,

I'm new to mindfulness, to meditation and to this forum. Hello everyone.
I've been practicing some mindfulness nearly every day for around 3 weeks now, and I've started to read the fantastic book 'Mindfulness in Plain English'. It's really a great book, and has helped me to understand a lot more about the basics of How to meditate, what to do, what not to do.
However, I have a couple of problems that I feel are quite fundamental and I'm not sure what to do about them, so I'd like to ask for some advice. I feel I'm doing things wrong, but perhaps this is a well trodden road.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, I control my breathing.
I spend all day never thinking about my breathing but when the time comes to meditate, to focus on the breath without controlling it, I end up controlling it every time.
I end up trying to notice how I was breathing just as I started to meditate, and then mechanically repeating the rhythm, but that's not what I've read I should be doing.
I've looked online and I've found a post elsewhere that says something like 'try adopting a lighter touch with your attention' but although I appreciate the idea, I always seem to control it once I'm aware of it.
Is this a common problem? Are there any good tips about what to do about this?
My worry is that if I continue with what I'm doing, I'll learn and cement my bad habits.

My second problem is a bit more to do with how (mechanically) to observe the breath, and I'll try to explain what I mean by that.
I guess everyone will have a slightly different approach but I've read in two different books that I should/could be mindfully aware of the rise and fall of my abdomen, and/or be mindfully aware of the flow of air around my nostrils. And so, just like with the first part of my problem, when I try to do this, I manage to overcomplicate it. I tried initially to focus on my abdomen because that was the recommendation of the book I was reading at the time, but I found my breathing became quite fast and erratic.
More recently I've been reading Mindfulness in Plain English and I've explored following the sensations at/around my nose/nostrils. But I somehow tense up my nostrils when I'm breathing now to be able to feel the feelings I'm looking for. I have even tried to specifically relax my nosey muscles so that I'm definitely not tensing them up. My breathing becomes abnormal, taking a slightly different route into my nose than it normally does when I'm paying no attention. I also hunt around for the 'best' part of the nose to choose as 'my chosen area' to focus on. These are all things that the book specifically tells me not to do, but I feel the need to pick a spot and focus on it. But I can't find my breath there properly.

Am I beyond help? Does anyone have any advice for a beginner as confused as I am?

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

Let me first qualify my advice: I am not a mindfulness teacher, but I am someone who has been practising for over two years to whom mindfulness has made a massive difference.

The thing I would say to you is: really try and let go of the notion of doing it right or wrong. There is no right way to do it, and similarly there is no wrong way either. Let your breathing be however it is and see what you can notice about it. You are already talking about the things to notice about your breath, so keep noticing those. Notice whatever you can with curiosity. Is it shallow? Is it Deep? The temperature over your upper lip. The sensations in your abdomen. The little pause between each in/out breath etc.

Just observe things, and try to hold back any judgement at all. The things I'm saying to you probably don't make a massive amount of sense at first, but this is the way with mindfulness. These realisations come slowly over time. The most important thing right now is: to keep practising

I am also not a teacher, so not an expert - just a meditator. I found it helpful at the beginning to notice where you feel your breath in the body most easily. For me, it's the rising and falling sensation in the upper body, for others it's the air going in and out of the nose, for others it is in the abdomen. Having noticed where you feel it most easily/strongly, then stick with following that sensation - I focus on the rising and falling of my chest (often in a shoulder on one side)and just observe it, and when you realise your mind has wandered, bring it gently back to where you feel the sensation. What the breath is like is never the same, each breath can be different, it's the watching rather than labelling which is the key.

When I first started it bothered me that I only ever felt the breath on one side (as if there was something wrong with my right lung, which there isn't!) but as Gareth said, there is no right or wrong way to breathe, it's your breath and you'll observe it in your way.

Andy Puddicombe from Headspace puts it like this, and I think it's a good summary:

"Bring your attention to the breath. You don’t need to breathe in any special way, but rather simply notice where in the body you feel the movement of the breath, the rising and falling sensation. If you can’t feel it, then you can place your hand on the stomach to make it more obvious. Take a good few minutes to become aware of this feeling and to notice how each breath is different from the next.

(Note: If you don’t like focusing on the breath for any reason, the sensation of the soles of the feet on the floor are an equally suitable and effective object of meditation)

At this stage you might like to partially close the eyes, as you begin to count the breaths as they pass, counting 1 with the inhalation and 2 with the exhalation. Do this up to a count of 10, before repeating the exercise. It’s quite normal for the mind to wander off, but as soon as you realise you’ve been distracted in some way, just gently bring the attention back to the breath and pick it up from the number you left off on. You can do this for as little as a few minutes or for much longer if you have the time, inclination and experience."

Hope this is helpful - it's the doing it that matters, not doing it 'right'.

Best wishes in your practice.

Hi Monkeymind (great name by the way!)

I agree with the above, just use whatever aspect of the breath that works for you - there's no right or wrong choice.

I have noticed that I also change my breathing when I watch it. Its hard to attempt to not change it so all you can do is just be aware of it, practice and rather than trying to not do something (or not trying to do something!) is probably the best way of approaching it. I've found that after a while, the unnatural breathing pattern tends to fade away, the more you focus on whatever aspect you are watching, the less you will be aware of any 'artificialness' in your breathing pattern. There are also forms of meditation in which you purposefully change your breathing pattern (even if just by counting in breaths and out breaths) so either is OK.

Like the others, I am just passing on my experiences and don't pretend to be an expert (far from it!).

Just practice and watch the monkey mind coming up with all these thoughts to try to distract you!

Steve

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say thanks for all of your combined advice.
My first meditation session after reading all of this was the best one I've had. I specifically didn't try to over focus on my breathing and tried to just go with whatever happened.
I was a bit more relaxed and although I did a lot of experimenting to decide what to focus on when breathing, at least I was more mindful of it all.
Since then I've reverted to my previous state of trying to find a single way to focus on the breath rather than flitting here and there but I've been practicing virtually every day so I'm happy with that.

Monkeymind

Thank you for updating us Monkeymind, it sounds like positive progress

MonkeyMind (great name!) It's a REALLY common "problem". So, YES! there's hope.

What happens when we first begin meditating is that our "stuff" gets really, really loud. This keeps happening over the long haul, but it becomes a little more subtle. Good to learn at the beginning what to do about it and with it.

Even with something as "simple" as watching the breath, we can gain a lot of insight into our own tendencies, that is to say, how our minds work. Look at your tendency to control, change, regulate the breath. There's something in there for you to notice. It's not good, not bad. But something is asking for your attention. Sit with it. Don't push it away.

As others have said so beautifully, there's no right or wrong way. Just this way, in this moment. It's not about pushing things away, rather, it's about being with them as they are. This is the training. When we are able to be with things as they are, and remain at peace with it, this is happiness.

You're doing great! Keep at it!

^Like^

Also, to add, your want for control is natural human instinct. But really, we have very limited control over our physical selves. Your body already adapts to the thing it needs to do by breathing....it's a consequence of being alive on earth! So by accepting that we cant force ourselves to do anything that the body doesn't respond to well, you may as well give up the struggle of control and just witness how your breath reacts when it thinks you're watching it!

If your breath doesn't behave itself, you will realise this passively and naturally it will change to a healthier breath. If you force something, then you will just train yourself to force your breath in the outside world. And possibly hyperventilate/hallucinate.