Fear of losing control

[Magicmads]

Hi Everybody,

Thanks for a great and informative forum. Many of the posts have been very helpful for me. I am quite new to mindfulness and got introduces to meditation due to my anxiety and OCD.

I have now been practicing mindfulness for a couple of weeks, and I have noticed a little stroke of anxiety every time I leave a thought and return to the breath or body scan. I think this is related to a fear of losing control, but I am not sure how to handle this? I would be grateful for any advice.

Light and kind regards Magicmads

[FeeHutch]

Welcome to the community magicmeds.

I think changing the way we experience our thoughts can be challenging and even more so when you are also dealing with anxiety and ocd. Do you have anyone like a doctor, counsellor or mindfulness teacher supporting you?

[Magicmads]

Hi Feehutch,

Yes, I am seeing a counselor, but we have not spoken about this problem. Right now I just notice and accept the small stroke, but it is difficult.

[JonW]

Hi Magicmads.
Welcome to a very friendly forum.
I would gently suggest practicing daily at your own sweet pace, not judging yourself if the meditation is in any way a challenge. A little anxiety is perfectly normal when leaving a thought and returning to breath or body scan. Even the master, Jon Kabat-Zinn, by his own admission, still experiences that anxiety. That's human.
It sounds to me that you are making great progress in mindfulness. The fact that you are noting your anxiety when returning to breath or body scan is mindfulness in motion. By noticing that little stroke, you are being mindful. From what I've learned already from the teachings of Kabat-Zinn, Mark Williams and others, those early steps are very sound foundations.

[Gareth]

Hi Magicmads, welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you are doing really well with the start of your practice, because it seems to me like you are doing exactly the right thing. Just notice that spike in anxiety, allow it to be. When you are able, return to the focus of your meditation.

It takes time but eventually you will come to realise that this anxiety, these thoughts are not you. I think I read somewhere once that "you don't have to enjoy it, you just need to do it," that about sums it up really.

[Magicmads]

Thanks for your reply Jon and Gareth. I’m grateful for your encouragement and knowledge.
I will continue my practice with an open mind and heart.

Light and Regards Magicmads

“There is no path, the path is made by walking.”

[JonW]

"You don't have to enjoy it, you just need to do it."
Yes, that's what Jon Kabat-Zinn tells his patients at the stress clinic.

[larorra]

Hi Magicmads,

just try to stay with it and don't be put off, it takes time but the benefits are worth the perseverance. Might take awhile but you'll notice it subtly.

[Medway Tai Chi]

I think this is related to a fear of losing control, but I am not sure how to handle this? I would be grateful for any advice.

Would it help if I point out that 'control' is an illusion, and it's not something you've got, so you can't 'lose' it?

[mindfulnessforall]

Everyone has given great advice here - good to see so my supportive folk around : )

I'd say each time you notice the little stroke of anxiety, just bring a friendly curiosity to it. Where can you feel the anxiety in your body? Does it move around? Can you give it a shape or colour? Does it change in intensity? Be as precise as you can. If you notice the anxiety becomes more intense that's ok, you can always move away again.

If you feel uncomfortable focusing on your breath maybe try focusing on your feet or hands?

You could also try meditating with your eyes open and see how that goes. Something to remember is that you don't need to get rid of the anxiety. Experiment will letting it be there - maybe say 'here it is again, let me feel it' (JKZ tip : )

Play around and just notice what happens. The good news is that you are in control as far as you're a constant awareness witnessing the moment unfolding.

I hope that helps and give me a shout if anything doesn't make sense.

Best of luck and remember to be kind to yourself. There is no good or bad meditation....only what arises.

Andy : )