How to Train an Elephant (book)

[Steve]

This week will be a challenge (but a good one). I'm not great at expressing my feelings to others but when I am appreciative of something they have done, it would be good to say so. It is very easy to take things others do for granted and assume they know it is appreciated when, in fact, they would love to hear this. Let's hope I get one or two compliments myself

I'm still thinking about mindfulness and drinking (googling these produces lots of material). It is rare for me to get drunk but I do tend to drink alcohol almost everyday and being mindful might help me understand why and enable me to reduce the overall amount. I'll come back to this.

Steve

[Steve]

'I've been thinking more about mindful drinking (of alcohol). For me,I think its going back to basics and treating it like anything else: being mindful of drinking means noticing how much I drink, when, where and why. There are lots of reasons why:it helps me relax, it helps me manage stress, it helps me socialise, it helps me overcome nervousness/shyness, it makes me feel good when I'm not particularly happy,it helps calm my mind, it helps blot out problems, it tastes good and its an emotional habit. To change, I need to want to reduce the quantity and see the longer terms risks (increased risk of liver problems etc, increased risk of not dealing with the issues I use it to mask, increased risk that I might drink more so all the risks increase).

I do not want to stop drinking altogether as I am one of those people who just need to reduce the quantity and/or the frequency slightly to ensure i keep within the recommended limits. Being mindful is the best way of doing this: by seeing when, where and why I drink, it is easier to devise strategies to reduce it. I'd like to have one alcohol free day per week and then two in due course and cut down, eg from 3 glasses of wine to 2. I've tried this before but I have not really been mindful about why I drink and working on alternatives ways of dealing with issues instead of using drink. I've also downloaded an app to monitor the units to help keep me mindful. This feels good to me, I can learn to appreciate the drink and get as much pleasure from drinking a little less and thinking of other ways to deal with the other issues. I've also ordered some low alcohol drinks to provide another alternative.

So, for me, being mindful means paying attention to it, becoming aware of what's happening and choosing my own responses rather than staying on autopilot.

This doesn't answer the question whether its mindful to drink more on occasions to get tipsy (or worse) although for me I think so long as I am still able to choose when or when not to and don't go so far as to lose the ability to be responsible for my actions, I suspect the answer will be much the same.

This is not an area I have sought to be properly mindful about before so thanks for raising this topic!

Steve

[JonW]

Steve,
I feel similarly. Uncannily so. I do like a drink and can do so on autopilot without behaving drunkenly. It's mostly habitual. I enjoy not having a drink too.
Thank you for your inspirational comments. I do mean that. I'm beginning to think about my relation to alcohol in a fresh way now after reading your comments. Thank you.
All good things, Jon

[FeeHutch]

That all makes sense to me Steve.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you will update us on how you are finding this approach to alcohol is working for you. The same goes for you Jon, it sounds like this has resonated with you too

[Steve]

Tuesday is my usual day for not drinking as I usually have to collect my son from scouts and having had dinner and got through to 9.30pm without a drink, its relatively easy to abstain the rest of the evening. I watched myself waiver tonight: the rest of family have gone out to a concert so no scout pick-up and I'm home alone and it was highly tempting to treat myself. However, some tasty apple juice (home made) helped me resist. I'm still tempted to pour myself a port but instead I've meditated for 30 mins and am now catching up on emails etc and continuing to watch the thoughts of a drink come and go.

Steve

[JonW]

I love the idea of watching the thought of a drink come and go.
I fancied a glass of wine earlier tonight but did the body scan instead. After doing the scan I didn't feel like drinking.

[Steve]

Fairly slow progress so far on this weeks exercise of giving and receiving compliments.

I've managed a couple of minor comments about meals but not sure if they got through. But I did succeed in giving a compliment to wife today about her success in training our puppy which got an instant positive response so that was good.

The exercise does encourage you to be on the look out for positive things which is much nicer than letting negative things dominate. Just need to persuade myself to speak up and express my appreciation a bit more...

Steve

[FeeHutch]

Well this week has been about giving compliments and I have enjoyed it but also noticed I am hesitant to give compliments to anyone other than my husband or children. I think it may be because several of my closest friends don't accept compliments and it somehow feels a bigger risk to give the compliment knowing it will probably be knocked back.

I've tried to be as specific as possible rather than just say 'you're great' which seems a bit meaningless and I have loved really noticing what it is I admire, enjoy, love about those close to me.

So week 7 already!
This week is all about being mindful of posture. One of the most painful but enlightening aspects of starting mindfulness for me was it helped me get back in touch with body. It was painful to really experience the difference in sensation I have between my left and right side. It was difficult to accept on my first mindfulness day, doing multiple practices, that I simply could not maintain an upright posture for very long at all. Becoming aware of how I stood and ways in which I could help regain some core strength and not fall over quite so much was a big part of rehab but it wasn't until I started my mindfulness journey that it really clicked.

I have a picture of a giraffe my physio gave me as a visual prompt so I shall move that somewhere new to help me remember to check in several times a day.

I am away from Sunday so I will post about this task on Saturday and make sure I know what to do for week 8 so I can keep up even when I'm away.

[Steve]

Sounds as if you are able to compliment others more naturally than I manage. I have struggled to find occasions but have had one or two successes and noted at least one compliment from my wife to me

The book mentions that when you feel positive about a person, you're more likely to beam a positive feeling toward them and give them compliments - I think I need to work on this, even with those closest to me. It goes on to say that if someone becomes 'part of the furniture' of you life, it doesn't occur to you to give compliments. Instead, we may only comment on the negative so importing a generally negative tone to the entire relationship. This is very meaningful to me and an area I am trying to improve upon. So I think I need to carry on practising this week's task as its definitely an area in which I would like to make more progress (and the positive reaction from someone receiving the compliment makes it even more worthwhile).

So its posture for the coming week. Sounds like you have more of a challenge with this that most - so hope it goes well. I do have a tendency to slouch and also to crouch when sitting at a desk or PC (which crunches up the lungs and heart so is not good). Meditating is a good reminder to sit up tall (or lie straight). I've heard this described as a 'dignified' posture and this feels right to me. I guess this can apply to everyone whatever their physical challenges - we can all be dignified in our attitude to ourselves and hence in the posture we adopt. The paralympians showed us that everyone can be dignified whatever their physical or mental challenges.

Have a good week away - sounds like you are even removing yourself from internet access as well (pretty amazing these days!). I've got most of the week off but am at home so will continue posting as and when things come up with my 'practice'.

Steve

[FeeHutch]

It won't let me quote easily on my tablet but I think you totally sum up my understanding of a dignified posture. Looking at it this way means it's applicable whatever challenges you have.
We are taking the girls to euro Disney with my retirement pay out. Next week will mark 2 years since my haem and I thought we all deserved a little magic in our lives

Cutting down my online time is something I'm also working on. I spend to much mindless time just surfing for no reason and I find some time away refreshing. Not having my phone on for once feels so liberating too I want more of that feeling even when I'm not on holiday