Fear of losing control

[satymish]

Hi all,

I have been observing similar thing while trying refocussing to anywhere from an intrusive thought. My doubt is that when we say that leave the thought and come back to body, what does it mean? Does it mean that you now focus on the breath and don't think about the thought by yourself but if it comes again, you just acknowledge by thinking, same thought no need to go into it, and again refocus?

The actual scenario that is happening with me is: I visualize an image in my mind. Now 3 possible things happen to me:
1->I get back to breathing by not visualizing the image and focussing on breathing.
2->While breathing, I feel the urge to visualize again(note the urge only), I think I don't need to visualize and come back to breathing again.
3->I feel like I am about to visualize the same image again, then I think that I don't need to and I won't and come back to breathing but I am ok if image pops up by itself and I don't even think about that popped up image but continue focussing on breathing.
4->I feel like I am about to visualize the same image again, and I think that if I don't visualize it, may be I am not facing my fear/thought and I visualize it and the same cycle repeats then.

My doubt is do I need to take Step 4 or Step 3 is correct version when I feel like I am about to visualize the image? I feel Step 3 is better as it doesn't put me in cyclic thoughts but the only part which raises doubt in that step is that, I think that I don't need to visualize it and I won't but I am OK with thought coming again even with me trying to not think about it and wherever I have read about mindfulness, it was told that you should never think that you won't think about but an intrusive thought instead acknowledge it and come back. But how can you come back unless you stop thinking about the intrusive thought and focus on the breathing?

Based on my current understanding, GOAL is to not make an effort to think about intrusive thought at all and if it comes, focus on breathing. Also, I have experienced that if I think that I don't want to think about something but I am OK if that thought pops up into my head by its own, I am always able to refocus to my present moment without doing anything and just blocking(or blocking my attention to?) that intrusive thought.

[JonW]

Again, I would suppose we all have a slightly different take on this.
For me it works something like this.
Say, for instance, I'm having recurring and rather unsettling thoughts about my ex-girlfriend. I'm aware that thoughts about her will bubble up but I try not to suppress those thoughts. I accept they will arise.
When those thoughts do arise, I recognise that they have arisen and try to do so with compassion. I then gently and deliberately lead my thoughts back to my breathing. In so doing, I have chosen not to get caught up in thoughts about my ex. In noticing those thoughts but not feeling compelled to follow them and obsess about them, it's as though I've robbed those thoughts of their power to upset me. The more I notice those thoughts and bring my attention back to my breathing, the less power those thoughts seem to have over me.

[rara]

Hey...fear nothing, that is the problem here...

And if intrusive thoughts arise, watch them Once you see it's just a thought, you can do what you want with it. Where you end up after is irrelevant...I assure you it will be the right place.

[rara]

Also @Magicmads , fear of losing control of what exatcly? Surely you bringing your focus back to breath puts you back in control?

[JonW]

Indeed. And, as Jon Kabat-Zinn never tires of saying, "If your thoughts wander off a thousand times, gently lead them back to your breathing a thousand times." After practicing for a while, that process is almost habitual for me. I'm barely conscious that I'm doing it a lot of the time. It's as though the process is embedded in my DNA.

[larorra]

I used to get annoyed at myself when i didnt handle stressful situations but have come to realise that is not being very mindful either. Nobodys perfect and it is ok to let your emotions go and ne angry which i Was this weekend, i had such a busy time didnt have Any time for mindfulness at all but getting back on the ball today

[satymish]

Hey...fear nothing, that is the problem here...

And if intrusive thoughts arise, watch them Once you see it's just a thought, you can do what you want with it. Where you end up after is irrelevant...I assure you it will be the right place.

I think you are right. Fear nothing is the goal. But it doesn't mean that we should keep thinking about some intrusive thought just for the sake of getting over it right? The problem I am facing is that I started this exercise that whenever I will see something, I will visualize it multiple times and my mind would want to continue visualizing it but I won't and will get over it as in the past many times it happened that I saw something and then went into the cycle of imagining it again and again for no reason and its like I was not able to get out of that cycle. So my fear here is that if I get stuck on visualizing something, I will keep looping in it all the time and won't be able to get over it.

The solution I think is that whenever mind wants you to visualize something, you acknowledge that your mind wants to imagine something but you don't imagine it and instead come back to present. Sometimes if that image pops up in your mind by itself even after all the control of not imagining it, you still feel OK with its presence and come back to present. The key is don't make an effort yourself to imagine it and don't be afraid if it pops up again but instead bring back yourself to present and focus but don't imagine it yourself. I think this works but doubtful how this fits in the category of not fearing the thought as I still feel that if I continue thinking about it all the time, I might not be ale to handle it and lose control.

Also I feel that whether you are controlling thoughts(actually attention) by not thinking yourself about some intrusive thought or focussing on things you want or trying to be mindful, key is to not get scared or anxious when mind suddenly jumps out and do what you don't want but instead acknowledge and start trying again what you were trying. Not fearing thoughts is the goal. Please comment if I am on the right track.

[rara]

Yes exactly...when a certain thought keeps coming back, it is just natural because it's something that's played with an emotion you have within you. No harm ther,just keep doing exactly what your doing. Treat that image like and old school bully you keep bumping into in the street years later. Smile and nod, then move on. There more you do, the less it will bother you.

[JonW]

"Treat that image like an old school bully you keep bumping into in the street years later."
That's a wonderful image. The mind is more than capable of bullying itself, tormenting itself with negative, judgmental thoughts. Mindfulness enables one to put the bully in his place. By acknowledging the bully and moving on, eventually the bully goes away. Or maybe he returns to find his power is increasingly diminished. Above all else, there's the understanding that the bully is not real. He's simply an event in the mind, an imaginary phantom that comes and goes.