Breathing OCD

[westie]

Hello dear friends out there!

So I've started one thread here before about breathing with your stomach or your chest (Thanks for all the support I got on this matter). Anyway, I was in the middle of my 8 week program when all this thinking of "am I doing this right, is there a better way to this?" triggered an breathing OCD episode (I could not stop focusing on my breath, I had to take every breath manual)

This made me take a break in meditation since I got so scared of all the anxiety the OCD caused me.

I managed to get over this OCD episode in about 2 weeks and it is not something that bothers me now, but I still feel that I've not come over the fear completely at getting there again so that's why I've not meditated again. However it's one of my biggest wishes to get there again since I loved it so much.

Have anyone of you out there read anything about this type of OCD and meditation? Any statements or books written by professional people? I know that I have to expose myself to the fear but it would feel great to get some advice from someone experienced.

Also, before I'm finished I would like to give the advice to you that it is absolutely not necessary to control your breath during meditation, the way you breath is the way you breath. I've learned my lesson in what can happen if you over think it and try to perfectionize it.

I am grateful for any advice I can get in how to get back to meditation again. Cheers!

[westie]

Also I would like to add that the breathing OCD got triggered because I was thinking of it for 1-2 days and forcing myself to breath with the stomach in everyday life. Obviously I've stopped doing that

[Gareth]

it is absolutely not necessary to control your breath during meditation, the way you breath is the way you breath.

Exactly.

I have no experience of mindfulness used in conjunction with OCD. Hopefully somebody out there will come back to you on this.

[Gareth]

Actually, take a look at these topics:

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3696&p=7427&hilit=ocd#p7427

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3700&p=7365&hilit=ocd#p7365

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3804&p=8544&hilit=ocd#p8544

[Cheesus]

Yes I used to suffer from obsessive anxieties.

It's a tricky one, you think "I don't care about thinking about this" but then you sit and watch it still, to see if you do care. Then you notice you might care and think "but I thought I didn't care, I hope I don't get obsessed with this", "oh no my anxiety is rising, that means I must care". And so on it goes, in an upwards spiral into anxiety, confusion and preoccupation.

This really is getting to the core of what the practice is about. If you can sit amongst this and watch it all happen as you would watch anything else happen then it means you're really getting down to business.

Ask yourself how you are, and then when you see you're going into that spiral: let yourself going into the spiral. What does it feel like? What kind of emotions do the thoughts give rise to? What are their textures? Their shapes? Their locations? How do your thoughts jump from one to another? What memories do they trigger? How does it affect you physically? Your breath? Your posture? How are you holding yourself? With love? With anger? With frustration?

You sit and watch, nothing more and nothing less. When we let things live they will ultimately die. Don't wait for the death, however. Or, if you do notice yourself waiting for the death, ask yourself how that feels and explore the emotion.

Ask: 'how am I? what's going on? what's happening right now?'
Follow with: 'nothing needs to happen'

You are the universe experiencing itself. No experience is right or wrong, or should be included or excluded.

[Gareth]

Wonderful post.

Glad you're back Cheesus.

[Cheesus]

Wonderful post.

Glad you're back Cheesus.

Glad to be back

[JonW]

To echo Gareth…simply wonderful post.
You've been missed, Cheesus. Great to see you back here.
All good things,
Jon, Hove

[FeeHutch]

I missed you too, welcome back

[westie]

Yes I used to suffer from obsessive anxieties.

It's a tricky one, you think "I don't care about thinking about this" but then you sit and watch it still, to see if you do care. Then you notice you might care and think "but I thought I didn't care, I hope I don't get obsessed with this", "oh no my anxiety is rising, that means I must care". And so on it goes, in an upwards spiral into anxiety, confusion and preoccupation.

First of all thank you so much for your answer. This is exactly how I feel, I find myself doing that from time to time and that is probably also why I made this thread.

I'm becoming more and more ready to face this fear and sit down and meditate again, only this time around I will be a lot more kind to myself. This is the lesson I truly learned from all this, to let things be as they are and especially be kind to yourself.

Normally I would have a easy time to "kick back" and just watch the breath but now I am a little bit concerned that this will not be so easy as I will probably control the breath more. Do anyone have any advice on how to deal with it if i find myself controlling the breath? (not were it goes, but just manually and not automatically).

Cheers and thank you all again.