Wow, this resonates deeply with me, even tho I can't spontaneously say how exactly. I guess I just know that I'm often very unforgiving with myself, day to day, and judge my mistakes or weaknesses quite harshly, often without even meaning to.
I think I do this retrospectively too - judging past mistakes and weaknesses harshly, many years later still...
I think in part this comes from having been raised to believe that "if I do everything right / if I'm always good" then I'll be rewarded by having good things happen to me - or at least by not having bad things happen to me.
In hindsight, I can now see that as the magical (wishful) thinking that it was, but my parents instilled it so deeply in me, that it's still hard to shake it, today.
And the flip-side of that thinking, of course, is that if bad things do happen - then you must have done something wrong... Ouch!
So I guess this week I'll be trying to let go of the idea that although bad things have happened in my life (just like in everyone's life) that doesn't mean that I did anything bad in terms of "having deserved it".
Plus, I just remembered that there's a specific thing that happened 14 years ago, that was probably just a sad coincidence, but I tortured myself with the *possibility* that it could have somehow been my fault for many years afterwards. I've tried letting go of that feeling before, but I will try revisiting it this week too.
As with the other JOT exercises, I will be combining this week's exercise with the JOT exercise of "taking in the good", so that my forgiveness will truly sink in deep and not feel like water off a duck's back.
Wishing you all well with this week's exercise.
XXX
