JOT Week 1 - Be For Yourself

[Metaphysical Me]

Hi Betty,
yup, I'm going to see how just working with the weeks' chapter titles goes... Otherwise I might just try the "Elephant" book...

Oh cool - I adore New Zealand - such a beautiful place (and the ppl are so much *nicer* than in Oz, haha!)

XXX Janey

[Metaphysical Me]

P.S. I think I worked out why I find the JOT book so annoying, when I like Rick Hanson's other books so much:

A lot of his stuff is based on the "negativity bias" of the brain and his H.E.A.L. method (which is what I think gets covered in Week 2 of the JOT book, if memory serves...?)

Anyway, I *do* like his stuff in and of itself - he makes a very valid point re the evolutionary negativity bias, etc, and I do love his HEAL method.

However, they are NOT mindfulness exercises. They are exercises in teaching your mind to focus on positive events, etc...

So I think if someone was selling the JOT book as "a book of 52 weekly exercises to teach your brain to focus on positivity" - then cool.

But IMO it's not a book of 52 mindfulness practices...

[Steve]

Maggie

With the 'How to train an elephant book' we tended to start the next chapter on a Sunday - I guess we saw this as the start of the new week and found it easier to find time to provide feedback on the previous week. I suggest we do the same here (unless anyone has alternative suggestions). Feel free to start the new thread if you're the first person wanting to post - we cover quite a range of time zones (I'm in the UK) so some will reach Sunday before others....

Janey

To my understanding the JOT book is directed to trying to improve the positive/happy pathways in the brain by being mindful of positive things. It may therefore not just be 'pure' mindfulness exercises (in that it has a leaning towards strengthening the positive). In this context, I can see why RH may have chosen 'Be good to yourself' for chapter one: trying to enhance positive things in your life is going to be harder if you are not in a frame of mind to be kind to yourself or you prevent yourself from doing so as you think others should come first, or that you don't deserve it, etc etc.

That said, we are all different and need to pursue whatever works for us. Whilst I like to read lots of ideas and have lots of input, I am also aware that this can be a way of not putting anything into practice. I would support the approach to 'keep it simple', ie find just one or two aspects from each week that are meaningful to you and concentrate on them. Whether this is just from the title or somewhere else doesn't really matter. I have found the concept of being my own best friend to be the most helpful this week - I imagine what I would like a close friend to do to support or encourage me (or even just talk through with me) in any given situation and then allow myself to offer the same help to myself. I think this has made me more aware/receptive of situations in which I can help myself and, hopefully, prepares me to be receptive to the topics of subsequent chapters.

I have not heard if anyone else is going to continue with the elephant book this year (although it woul dbe great if they did). I am still working on a list of 53 'one-liners' summarising the points that were most useful to me last year and hope to post this during the coming week (whilst I am laid up). If you decide to try that book instead, you might wish to simply start posting and see if others wish to join in. Although I want to keep the JOT book as my main weekly practice this year (and want to avoid diluting this by trying to do 2 books at once), the occassional refresher of 'elephant training' would still be of interest so I may dip in now and again if there are ongoing posts during the year.

I am reading another book this week (great to have time on my hands for once!) and this lists 5 essentials of meditation:

1. Its OK to have thoughts
2. Don't try too hard
3. Let go of expectation
4. Be kind to yourself
5. Stick with it

All the best

Steve

[Metaphysical Me]

Thanks for your thoughts Steve! They are honestly much appreciated!

I certainly don't want to be "she who complains about the JOT book"!! I just know that to authentically own a mindfulness experience, for example, it's also important to confront the things that truly don't sit right for you.

I will see how I go with week 2, I guess (this time just working with the title "Take in the Good") I'm hoping to make it a "neutral" mindfulness exercise of noticing when / whether I *do* take in the good, or when/ wether I don't and maybe being mindful of whether it makes a difference if I occasionally make a concerted effort to take in the good.

I wish this is what I had done with week 1's exercise too - I wish I'd just neutrally noticed "when/ whether I am for myself or not and what if any difference it makes if I mildly change my behaviour in this respect". This would have sat far better with me than what it turned out to be - which was like a week-long task of "I must be for myself more"...

The prospect of going through 52 weeks of "I must take in the good more" (week 2), or "I must have compassion for myself" (week3), or "I must relax" (week 4) would've driven me nuts.

This is what I mean with the bias/ non-neutral aspect of this book - it's like Hanson is telling us "what to do". Whereas the Elephant book example of using your non-dominant hand is not saying it's somehow "better" to use your non-dominant hand than your dominant hand - but sort of more saying "try something different and see how it affects you"...

Anyway... point made... I will shut up now

[FeeHutch]

I do find the 'look for the positive' a little frustrating. A big part of my practice is actually acknowledging what is going on right now and sometimes that is actually more difficult than watching where my mind has raced off too.

But I have found this week helpful. I am frustrated with myself at the moment for a couple of different reasons and the idea of being kind to myself has been really helpful. I have tried a few times thinking about how I would respond if my best friend articulated the thoughts and it has helped a lot.

I also find the cue sheets very helpful prompts. Having things written down is vital to me post heam and making time to sit down and consider the points on there is helping me keep the practice as well as mindfulness more generally in my mind.

Anyone is welcome to start a week 2 thread and I second Steve in that I'd be interested to read your posts on the elephant thread if you choose to do that.

[Lynn4MK]

Checking in on week 1. Very interesting to read people's reactions to the book. I was under the impression it was supposed to be a companion to his earlier book (which I have not read), giving people a way to put into practice the ideas from that book. Where I've been disappointed in it is the lack of concrete exercises. Directions like "think this" or "feel that" are easy to forget. I'm also doing The Artist's way, and the direction to write 3 "morning pages" every day has been a lot more useful. I can use those pages to work with some of the ideas in JOT.

I have tried to reread the current chapter every day, but didn't do so well with that this past week. I have also continued with my fledgling meditation practice (increased to 6 minutes a day), sometimes using the chapter title as a "mantra" if following my breath isn't working. The one weekday that I didn't do the meditation, I noticed a huge difference. I was in a foul mood all day and everything seemed to go wrong. So I think one way of "being for myself" will be to continue to meditate daily!

I have not been using the cue sheets at all. I had printed out the first couple weeks, but just didn't find them useful.

[Gareth]

(increased to 6 minutes a day)

Adding one minute when I felt ready was the way that I did it.

[betty.etal]

This has been a very interesting two weeks for me. I was really struck by the idea of being a friend to myself, and set the goal of doing metta/LovingKindness meditation daily and trying to be more mindful of inner critic attacks and being down on myself. To be honest I'm pretty surprised by how often I'm down on myself! I thought I was being mindful, but evidently it was so much a part of the fabric of my life that a lot of it was going under the radar. I love having a topic for a week like this - it's like when your friend buys a particular type of new car, suddenly you start seeing them everywhere. I'm amazed by how often I haven't been my own friend. I'm also excited at the changes I'm seeing, both from being more mindful of this and the daily metta practice. I'm starting to be kinder to myself almost automatically right after the automatic inner critic comment! Hopefullly I'll be able to move onto week 2's topic without letting go of the focus on being my own friend, and eventually I'll be able to just have the kind automatic response and not the critical one. :0)

The cue sheets aren't doing it for me - I personally prefer to work with the more broad topic and just weave that into mindfulness as much as I can.

Betty

[FeeHutch]

I really got a lot from trying to be on my own side and found using the cues a great way of keeping myself on track. Initially the lack of specific task did feel a bit daunting but now I have started doing JOT I think I am getting the hang of it.
It is fascinating to read everyone elses experiences too.

[Metaphysical Me]

Well, I'm relieved week 1 is over. Not so much because of the topic - it's a great topic! - but because I really stumbled in trying to get to grips with how to use this book in a way that feels "right" to me.
So for me it's YAY that the week is over and that week 2 is beginning with greater clarity.