How much are you mindful?

[Cheesus]

Hi Folks

I am curious to know: how much/how often are you mindful?

I try to be mindful all the time, and I can be quite successful in doing this. I think this is probably a result of my 'all or nothing' attitude towards things I do. I find I am a person that can't do something in half measure, which has both its uses and its pitfalls.

I have a history of obsessive anxiety and, as a result, am now concerned that I might overdoing things a bit - particularly as I am not always confident that I am being as non-judgemental as I should be. I know this is oxymoronic and feeds back into a loop but that's where I am at the moment; I am working on accepting my attitudes and these little internal battles. However, at the moment for me it can also be a waking until sleep type rumination, particularly as I have been off work sick for a long time and don't have anything in particular to occupy my mind.

Thanks, amigos!
Cheesus

[JonW]

Hi there.
I'd say the key line in your post is "that's where I am at the moment."
Just noticing that fact is mindfulness in a nutshell.
Whether in formal meditation or the rest of your day, just being with that moment, and bringing some self-compassion to that moment, that's what being mindful is.
Like everyone else, I get caught up in my thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness practice teaches me to notice that that is happening. If my thoughts and feelings are overwhelmingly negative, I gently acknowledge that. Those thoughts and feelings are far less likely to return if I fight them or try pushing them away. The more I practice, the more I'm mindful of being mindful, those "internal battles" tend to become less and less volatile. The more I practice, the more mindful I am, the stiller my mind becomes.
The past has gone. If it exists as anything right now, it's only as a memory trace. The future has yet to happen. I can imagine that all kinds of terrible things might happen to me in the future but that's just a fantasy. This moment is what is real. What is happening in this moment is what is happening. So ask yourself, "Is it OK?" Or tell yourself, "It's OK." Because it almost certainly is.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, "If you're breathing, there's more right with you than wrong with you." And Kabat-Zinn is not often wrong.
It sounds to me as though you're being a lot more mindful than you're giving yourself credit for.
All best, Jon

[FeeHutch]

I love that JKZ quote
I notice much more when I'm not being mindful which is mindful in itself. If I'm paying attention in this moment it's the most I can achieve. Jon sums it up much better than me though

[Cheesus]

Thank you both for your responses.

I know these things on an intellectual level, but I am still extremely vulnerable to getting caught up. I see a lot of dualities present in mindfulness instruction, though I think I will start a different thread to address these issues.

Really this was a post to allay some anxieties I have at the minute - mainly if I am overdoing things. I'm mindful the majority of the time, but I am often worried that I am doing it 'incorrectly': that I have gotten into the wrong groove with the wrong attitude and actually I am just walking around the majority of the time promoting unhealthy thought patterns and attitudes. As I mentioned in my first post, I have an obsessive personality and an anxiety disorder that is shares some commonalities with the OCD spectrum. I think at this stage I would actually find it difficult to tune it back down, particularly if I feel I shouldn't be doing what I am doing (the joys of obsessive anxiety).

I realise this is a forum for peers rather than instructors, so I only ask it from your guys' experience. I am on the waiting list to see a psychotherapist who grounds his practice in mindfulness.

Again, thank you both for your thoughtful contributions.
Cheesus

[FeeHutch]

I hope you aren't on the waiting list too long.
It does sound like you understand what is going on for you, what you can access here and what you need support from the professional with and that is very encouraging to read.
Take care

[Jenna]

Cheesus

I too struggle to be aware of feelings/thoughts at the time. But I think that the fact you show very much awareness is progress and shows mindfulness.

I would say notice it when you can and yes I do understand in fact for me last Friday I got very much caught up for a whole day.